ALICE'S
ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND,
AND
THBOUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS.
LEWIS CARROLL.
WITH NINETY-TWO ILLUSTRATIONS
BY
JOHN TENNIEL.
NEW EDITION IN ONE YOLUME,
XEW YORK:
MACMILLAN AND CO
1894.
p.
ALICE'S
ADVENTURES II WONDERLAND.
831678
CONTENTS.
CHAPTEB PAGE
I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE ,,„,,,..., 1
II. THE POOL OF TEARS ,..,.„ 15
III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TAJUE , , . . . . 29
IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 41
V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR . . „ 59
VI. PIG AND PEPPER 76
VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY ...-,,.,.,.. 95
VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND ....... 112
IX.. THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY 130
X. THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE 147
XI. WHO STOLE YHE TARTS ? 162
XII. ALICE'S EVIDENCE . 176
ALL in the golden afternoon
Full leisurely we glide ;
For both our oars, with little skill,
By little arms are plied,
While little hands make vain pretence
Our \v inderings to guide.
Ah, cmel Three ! In such an hour,
Beneath such dreamy weather,
To beg a tale, of breath too weak
To stir the tiniest feather !
Yet what can one poor voice avail
Against three tongues together?
Imperious Prima flashes forth
Her edict to "begin it" —
In gentler tone Secunda hopes
"There will be nonsense _n it" —
While Tertia interrupts the talc
Not more than once a minute.
Anon, to sudden silence won.
In fancy they pursue
The dream-child moving through a land
Of wonders wild and new,
In friendly chat with bird or beast —
And half believe it true.
And ever, as the story drained
The wells of fancy dry,
And faintly strove that weary one
To put the subject by,
"The rest next time — " "It is next time !
The happy voices cry.
Thus grew the tale of Wonderland :
Thus slowly, one by one,
Its quaint events were hammered out —
And now the tale is done,
And home we steer, a merry crew,
Beneath the setting sun.
Alice ! a childish story take,
And with a gentle hand
Lay it where Childhood's dreams are twined
In Memory's mystic band,
Like pilgrim's withered wreath of flowers
Plucked in a far-off land.
CHAPTER I.
DOWN THE BABBIT-HOLE.
ALICE was beginning to get very tired of
sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having
nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into
the book her sister was reading, but it had no
nictures or conversations in it, "and what is
2 DOWN THE
the use of a boot," thought Alice, "without
pictures or conversations?"
So she was considering in her own mind,
(as well as she could, for the hot day made
her feel very sleepy and stupid,) whether the
pleasure of making a daisy - chain would be
worth the trouble of getting up and picking
the daisies, when suddenly a white rabbit with
pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so very remarkable in
that; nor did Alice think it so very much out
of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself,
"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"
(when she thought it over afterwards, it oc
curred to her that she ought to have wondered
at this, but at the time it all seemed quite
natural) ; but when the Rabbit actually took a
watch out of its waistcoat-pocket , and looked at
it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her
feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
never before seen a rabbit with either a waist
coat-pocket- or a watch to take out of it, and
RABBIT-HOLE. 3
burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
after it, and was just in time to see it pop down
a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it,
never once considering how in the world she
was to get out again.
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tun
nel for some way, and then dipped suddenly
down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment
to think aboufe stopping herself before sne found
herself falling down what seemed to be a very
deep well.
Either the well was very deep, or she fell
very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she
went down to look about her, and to wonder
what was going to happen next. First, she tried
to look down and make out what she was com
ing to, but it was too dark to see anything :
then she looked at the sides of the well, and
noticed that they were filled with cupboards
and bookshelves : here and there she saw maps
and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down
4: DOWN THE
a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it
was labelled " OKANGE MAKMALADE," but
to her great disappointment it was empty: she
did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing
somebody underneath, so managed to put it into
one of the cupboards as she fell past it.
w Well ! " thought Alice to herself, " after such
a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling
down stairs! How brave they'll all think me
at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about
it, even if I fell off the top of the house ! "
(Which was very likely true.)
Down, down, down. Would the fall never
come to an end? "I wonder how many miles
I've fallen by this time ? " she said aloud. '? I
must be getting somewhere near the centre of
the earth. Let me see: that would be four
thousand miles down, I think — " (for, you see,
Alice had learnt several things of this sort in
her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
was not a very good opportunity for showing off
her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to
RABBIT-HOLE.
her, still it was good practice to say it over)
?? — yesj that's about the right distance — but
then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've
got to ? " (Alice had not the slightest idea
what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but she
thought they were nice grand words to say.)
Presently she began again. w I wonder if I
shall fall right tlirougli the earth! How funny
it'll seem to come out among the people that
walk with their heads downwards! The Anti
pathies, I think — " (she was rather glad there
was no one listening this time, as it didn't sound
at all the right word) w — but I shall have to
ask them what the name of the country is, you
know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand
or Australia ? " (and she tried to curtsy as
she spoke — fancy curtsying as you're falling
through the air! Do you think you could man
age it ?) w And what an ignorant little girl
she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do
to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up some
where."
DOWN THE
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to
do, so Alice soon began talking again. " Dinah'll
miss me very much to-night, I should think ! "
(Dinah was the cat.) w I hope they'll remember
her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah, my dear !
I wish you were down here with me ! There
are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you
might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse,
you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder ? "
And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and
went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of
way, "Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?"
and sometimes, w Do bats eat cats ? " for, you
see, as she couldn't answer either question, it
didn't much matter which way she put it. She
felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun
to dream that she was walking hand in hand
with Dinah, and was saying to her very ear
nestly, "Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did
you ever eat a bat ? " when suddenly, thump !
thump ! down she came upon a heap of sticks
and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
RABBIT-HOLE. <
Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up
on to her feet in a moment: she looked up, but
it was all dark overhead; before her was an
other long passage, and the White Rabbit was
still in sight, hurrying down it. There was
not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like
the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as
it turned a corner, " Oh my ears and whiskers,
how late it's getting ! " She was close behind
it when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit
was no longer to be seen: she found herself in
a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of
lamps hanging from the roof.
There were doors all round the hall, but they
were all locked, and when Alice had been all
the way down one side and up the other, trying
every door, she walked sadly down the middle,
wondering how she was ever to get out again.
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged
table, all made of solid glass ; there was nothing
on it but a tiny golden key, and Alice's first
idea was that this might belong to one of the
DOWN THE
doors of the hall ; but alas ! either the locks
were too large, or the key was too small, but
at any rate it would not open any of them,,
However, on the second time round, she came
upon a low
curtain she "had
not noticed be
fore, and be
hind it was
a little door
about fifteen
inches high :
she tried the
little golden
key in the
lock, and to her great delight it fitted !
Alice opened the door and found that it led
into a small passage, not much larger than a
rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the
passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
How she longed to get out of that dark hall,
and wander about among those beds of bright
RABBIT- HOLE.
flowers and those cool fountains, but she could
not even get her head through the doorway;
" and even if my head would go through,"
thought poor Alice, w it would be of very little
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I
could shut up like a telescope ! I think I could, /
if I only knew how to begin." For, you see, so
many out-of-the-way things had happened lately
that Alice had begun to think that very few
things indeed were really impossible.
There seemed to be no use in waiting by
the little door, so she went back to the table,
half hoping she might find another key on it,
or at any rate a book of rules for shutting
people up like telescopes : this time she found
a little bottle on it, (" which certainly was not
here before," said Alice,) and tied round the
neck of the bottle was a paper label with the
words "DKINK ME" beautifully printed on
:<lt in large letters.
It was all very well to say " Drink me," but
the wise little Alice was not going to do thai
10
DOWN THE
in a hurry: "no, I'll look first," she said, "and
see whether it's
marked ? poison '
or not:" for she
had read several
nice little stories
about children who
had got burnt, and
eaten up by wild
beasts, and other
unpleasant things,
all because they
would not remem
ber the simple rules
their friends had taught them, such as, that a
red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too
long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply
with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle
marked "poison," it is almost certain to dis
agree with you, sooner or later.
However, this bottle was not marked " poison/'
RABBIT-HOLE. 11
so Alice ventured to taste it5 and finding it
very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed
flavor of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast
turkey, toffy, and hot buttered toast,) she very
soon finished it off.
* # * *
w What a curious feeling ! " said Alice, w I
must be shutting up like a telescope."
And so it was indeed: she was now only
ten inches high, and her face brightened up
at the thought that she was now the right
size for going through the little door into that
lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a
few minutes to see if she was going to shrink
any further : she felt a little nervous about
this, "for it might end, you know," said Alice
to herself, w in my going out altogether, like a
candle. I wonder what I should be like then?"
And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
candle looks like after the candle is blown out*
12 DOWN THE
for she could not remember ever having seen
such a thing.
After a while, finding that nothing more
happened, she decided on going into the garden
at once, but, alas for poor Alice ! when she got
to the door, she found she had forgotten the
little golden key, and when she went back to
the table for it, she found she could not possibly
reach it: she could see it quite plainly through
the glass, and she tried her best to climb up
one of the legs of the table, but it was too
slippery, and when she had tired herself out
with trying, the poor little thing sat down
and cried.
w Come, there's no use in crying like that ! "
said Alice to herself, rather sharply, "I advise
you to leave off this minute ! " She generally
gave herself very good advice, (though she
very seldom followed it,) and sometimes she
scolded herself so severely as to bring tears
into her eyes, and once she remembered trying
to box her own ears for having cheated herself
RABBIT-HOLE.
in a game of croquet she was playing against
herself, for this curious child was very fond of
pretending to be two people. " But it's no use
now," thought poor Alice, w to pretend to be two
people! Why, there's hardly enough of me left
to make one respectable person!"
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that
was lying under the table : she opened it, and
found in it a very small cake, on which the
words w EAT ME " were oeautifully marked in
currants. " Well, I'll eat it," said Alice, w and
if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key;
and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep
under the door; so either way I'll get into the
garden, and I don't care which happens ! "
She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to
herself w Which way? Which way? " holding her
hand on the top of her head to feel which way
it was growing, and she was quite surprised
to find that she remained the same size: to be
sure, this is what generally happens when one
eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the
14 DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE.
way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and
stupid for life to go on in the common way.
So sho set to work, and very soon finished
oft' the cake.
CHAPTEE II.
THE POOL OF TEAES.
" Curiouser and cu-
riouser! " cried Alice
(she was so much sur
prised, that for the
moment she quite for
got how to speak good
English); "now I'm
opening out like the |j
largest telescope that
ever was ! Good-bye,
feet ! " (for when she
looked down at her ^
feet, they seemed to
be almost out of sight,
they were getting so
far off) " Oh, my poor
little feet, I wonder
16 THE POOL
who will put on your shoes and stockings for
you now, dears? I'm sure I shan't be able! 1
shall be a great deal too far off to trouble my
self about you: you must manage the best way
you can ; — but I must be kind to them," thought
Alice, " or perhaps they won't walk the way I
want to go ! Let me see : I'll give them a new
pair of boots every Christmas."
And she went on planning to herself how she
would manage it. !f They must go by the car
rier," she thought; "and how funny it'll seem,
sending presents to one's own feet! And how
odd the directions will look!
Alice's Right Foot, Esq.,
Hearthrug,
near the Fender,
(with Alice's love.)
I
Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking ! "
Just at this moment her head struck against the
roof of the hall: in fact she was now rather more
than nine feet high, and she at once took up the
little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.
OF TEARS. 17
Poor Alice ! It was as much as she could do,
lying down on one side, to look through into
the garden with one eye; but to get through
was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and
began to cry again.
" You ought to be ashamed of yourself," said
Alice, " a great girl like you," (she might well
say this,) w to go on crying in this way ! Stop
this moment, I tell you! " But she went on all
the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there
was a large pool all round her, about four inches
deep and reaching half down the hall.
After a time she heard a little pattering of
feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her
eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, writh a pair
of white kid gloves in one hand and a large
fan in the other : he came trotting along in a
great hurry, muttering to himself as he came,
r t)h ! the Duchess, the Duchess ! Oh ! won't she
be savage if I've kept her waiting ! " Alice
felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help
relt
THE POOL
of any one ; so, when the Rabbit came near her,
she began, in a low, timid voice, w If you please,
sir- — " The Eabbit started violently, dropped
the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried
away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
O1? TEARS. 19
Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the
hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all
the time she went on talking: "Dear, dearL
How queer everything is to-day! And yester- 11
day things went on just as usual. I wonder if i;
J've been changed in the night? Let me think:/
was I the same when I got up this morning?
I almost think I can remember feeling a little
different. But if I'm not the same, the next
question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that? 8
the great puzzle ! " And she began thinking
over all the children she knew, that were of
the same age as herself, to see if she could
have been changed for any of them.
"I'm sure I'm not Ada,"' she said, "for her
hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn't
go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't be
Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she,
oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, she's
she, and Pm I, and — oh dear, how puzzling it
all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used
to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve,
20 THE POOL
and four times six is thirteen, and four times
seven is — oh dear ! I shall never get to twenty
at that rate! However, the Multiplication Table
don't signify: let's try Geography. London is
the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of
Rome, and Rome — no, that's all wrong, I'm
certain! I must have been changed for Mabel!
I'll try and say ' How doth the little — ' " and she
crossed her hands on her lap, as if she were
saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her
voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words
did not come the same as they used to do : —
*How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail.
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale !
How cheerfully he seems to grin.
How neatly spreads his claws^
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws ! "
OF TEARS. 2
"I'm sure those are not the right words,"
said, poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears
again as she went on, "I must be Mabel after
all, and I shall have to go and live in that
poky little house, and have next to no toys to
vplay with, and oh! ever so many lessons to
learn! No, I've made up my mind about it:
if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no
use their putting their heads down and saying,
'Come up again, dear!' I shall only look up
and say, 'Who am I, then? Tell me that first,
and then, if I like being that person, I'll come
up: if not, I'll stay down here till I'm some
body else ' — but, oh dear ! " cried Alice with a
sudden burst of tears, "I do wish they would
pat their heads down! I am so very tired of
being all alone here!"
As she said this, she looked down at her
hands, and was surprised to see that she had
put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves
while she was talking. " How can I have done
that I " she thought. " I must be growing small
22 THE POOL
again." She got up and went to the table to
measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly
as she could guess, she was now about two feet
high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she
soon found out that the cause of this was the
fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily,
just in time to save herself from shrinking away
altogether.
" That was a narrow escape ! " said Alice, a
good deal frightened at the sudden change, but
very glad to find herself still in existence; "and
now for the garden ! " and she ran with all
speed back to the little door: but alas! the
little door was shut again, and the little golden
key was lying on the glass table as before, " and
things are worse than ever," thought the poor
child, "for I never was so small as this before,
never! And I declare it's too bad, that it is! "
As she said these words her foot slipped,,
and in another moment, splash! she was up to
her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that
she had somehow fallen into the sea, "and in
OF TEAKS.
23
hat case I can go back by railway," she said
o herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once
n her life, and had come to the general con
tusion, that wherever you go to on the English
3oast you find a number of bathing machines
n the sea, some children digging in the sand
with wooden spades, then a row of lodging
louses, and behind them a railway station.)
However she soon made out that she was in
he pool of tears which she had wept when she
nine feet high.
" I wish I hadn't cried so much ! " said Alice,
is she swam about, trying to find her way out.
24 THE POOL
w I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
being drowned in my own tears! That will be
a queer thing, to be sure ! However, everything
is queer to-day."
Just then she heard something splashing
about in the pool a little way off, and she swam
nearer to make out what it was : at first she
thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus,
but then she remembered how small she was
now, and she soon made out that it was only
a mouse, that had slipped in like herself.
:? Would it be of any use, now," thought
Alice, w to speak to this mouse ? Everything is
so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think
very likely it can talk: at any rate there's no
harm in trying." So she began: " O Mouse,
do you know the way out of this pool? I am
very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse ! "
(Alice thought this must be the right way of
speaking to a mouse: she had never done such
a thing before, but she remembered having seen
in her brother's Latin Grammar, "A mouse —
OF TEARS. '25
of a mouse — to a mouse — a mouse — O mouse ! ")
The Mouse looked at her rather inquisitively,
and seemed to her to wink with one of its little
eyes, but it said nothing.
"Perhaps it doesn't understand English,"
thought Alice ; " I daresay it's a French mouse,
come over with William the Conqueror." (For,
with all her knowledge of history, Alice had no
very clear notion how long ago anything had
happened.) So she began again: " Ou est ma
chatte?" which was the first sentence in her
French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden
leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver
all over with fright. " Oh, I beg your pardon ! "
cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the
poor animal's feelings "I quite forgot you
didn't like cats."
" Not like cats ! " cried the Mouse, in a shrill,
passionate voice. * Would you like cats if you
were me?"
T Well, perhaps not," said Alice in a sooth
ing tone : w don't be angry about it. And yet
THE POOL
I wish I could show you our cat Dinah : I
think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could
only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,"
Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily
about in the pool, w and she sits purring so
nicely by the fire, licking her paws and wash
ing her face — and she is such a nice soft thing
to nurse — and she's such a capital one for catch
ing mice oh, I beg your pardon! " cried Alice
again, for this time the Mouse was bristling
all over, and she felt certain it must be really
OF TEARS. 27
offended. *We won't talk about her any more
if you'd rather not."
;? We, indeed!" cried the Mouse, who was
trembling down to the end of his tail. "As if
I would talk on such a subject! Our family
always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar things!
Don't let me hear the name again ! "
" I won't indeed ! " said Alice, in a great
hurry to change the subject of conversation.
"Are you — are you fond — of — of dogs?" The
mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly:
"There is such a nice little dog near our house
I should like to show you! A little bright-
eyed terrier, you know, with oh! such long
curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for
its dinner, and all sorts of things — I can't re
member half of them — and it belongs to a
farmer, you know, and he says it's so useful,
it's worth a hundred pounds! He says it kills
all the rats and — oh dear ! " cried Alice in a
sorrowful tone. "I'm afraid I've offended it
28 THE POOL OF TEARS.
again ! " For the Mouse was swimming away
from her as hard as it could go, and making
quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
So she called softly after it: "Mouse dear!
Do come back again, and we won't talk about
cats or dogs either, if you don't like them ! "
When the Mouse heard this, it turned round
and swam slowly back to her: its face was
quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and
it said in a low, trembling voice, "Let us get
to the shore, and then I'll tell you my history,
and you'll understand why it is I hate cats
and dogs."
It was high time to go, for the pool was
getting quite crowded with the birds and ani
mals that had fallen into it: there was a Duck
and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several
other curious creatures. Alice led the way,
and the whole party swam to the shore.
CHAPTER III.
A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE.
THEY were indeed a queer-looking party that
assembled on the bank — the birds with draggled
feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncom
fortable.
The first question of course was, how to get
dry again: they had a consultation about this,
30 A CAUCUS-RACE
and after a few minutes it seemed quite natura\
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with
them, as if she had known them all her life.
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with
the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would
only say, " I am older than you, and must know
better; " and this Alice would not allow, with
out knowing how old it was, and as the Lory
positively refused to tell its age, there was no
more to be said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a per
son of some authority among them, called out,
w Sit down, all of you, and listen to me ! Pll
soon make you dry enough ! " They all sat
down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously
fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a
bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
" Ahem ! " said the Mouse with an important
air, " are you all ready? This is the driest thing
I know. Silence all round, if you please !
* "William the Conqueror, whose cause was
AND A LONG TALE. 31
favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to
by the English, who wanted leaders, and had
been of late much accustomed to usurpation and
conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mer-
cia and Nbrthumbria — '
" Ugh ! " said the Lory, with a shiver.
"I beg your pardon? " said the Mouse, frown
ing, but very politely: " Did you speak? "
"Not I!" said the Lory, hastily.
"I thought you did," said the Mouse. — "I
proceed. c Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mer-
cia and Northumbria, declared for him; and
even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Can
terbury, found it advisable — ' ;
"Found what?" said the Duck.
"Found it" the Mouse replied rather crossly:
" of course you know what f it ' means."
" I know what < it ' means well enough when
I find a thing," said the Duck: "it's generally
a frog or a worm. The question is, what did
the archbishop find?"
The Mouse did not notice this question, but
32 A CAUCUS-RACE
hurriedly went on, " ' — found it advisable to go
with Edgar Atheling to meet "William and offer
him the crown. "William's conduct at first was
moderate. But the insolence of his Normans— *
How are you getting on now, my dear? " it con
tinued, turning to Alice as it spoke.
" As wet as ever," said Alice in a melancholy
tone: "it doesn't seem to dry me at all."
* In that case," said the Dodo solemnly, rising
to its feet, " I move that the meeting adjourn,
for the immediate adoption of more energetic
remedies — "
"Speak English!" said the Eaglet. "I don't
know the meaning of half those long words, and
what's more, I don't believe you do either ! "
And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a
smile : some of the other birds tittered audibly.
* "What I was going to say," said the Dodo in
an offended tone, "was, that the best thing to
get us dry would be a Caucus-race."
*"What is a Caucus-race?" said Alice; not
that she much wanted to know, but the Dodo
AND A LONG TALE. 33
had paused as if it thought that somebody ought
to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say
anything.
"Why/' said the Dodo, "the best way to
explain it is to do it." (And as you might like
to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I
will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort
of circle, ("the exact shape doesn't matter," it
said,) and then all the party were placed along
the course, here and there. There was no " One,
two, three, and away," but they began running
when they liked, and left off when they liked, so
that it was not easy to know when the race was
over. However, when they had been running
half-an-hour or so, and were quite dry again, the
Dodo suddenly called out, " The race is over ! "
and they all crowded round it, panting, and ask
ing, "But who has won?"
This question the Dodo could not answer
without a great deal of thought, and it sat for
a long time with one finger pressed upon its
34 A CAUCUS-RACE
forehead, (the position in which you usually see
Shakespeare, in the pictures of him,) while the
rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said?
ec Everybody has won, and all must have prizes."
w But who is to give the prizes ? " quite a
chorus of voices asked.
w Why, she, of course," said the Dodo, point
ing to Alice with one finger; and the whole
party at once crowded round her, calling out in
a confused wray, " Prizes ! Prizes ! "
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair
she put her hand into her pocket, and pulled out
a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not
got into it,) and handed them round as prizes.
There was exactly one a-piece, all round.
"But she must have a prize herself, you
know," said the Mouse.
" Of course," the Dodo replied very gravely.
? What else have you got in your pocket?" he
went on, turning to Alice.
" Only a thimble," said Alice sadly.
"Hand it over here," said the Dodo.
AND A LONG TALE
35
Then they all crowded round her once more,
while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble9
saying, "? We beg your acceptance of this elegant
thimble ; " and, when it had finished this short
speech, they all cheered.
36 A CAUCUS-RACE
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd,
but they all looked so grave that she did not
dare to laugh, and as she could not think of
anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the
thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this
caused some noise and confusion, as the large
birds complained that they could not taste theirs,
and the small ones choked and had to be patted
on the back. However it was over at last, and
they sat down again in a ring, and begged the
Mouse to tell them something more.
"You promised to tell me your history, you
know," said Alice, " and why it is you hate — C
and D," she added in a whisper, half afraid that
it would be offended again.
" Mine is a long and a sad talc ! " said the
Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing.
f? It is a long tail, certainly," said Alice, look
ing down with wonder at the Mouse's tail;
K but why do you call it sad ? " And she kept on
puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking,
AND A LONG TALE. 37
so that her idea of the tale was something- like
this: "Fury said to
a mouse, That
he met
in the
house,
4 Let us
both go
to law :
/ will
prosecute
you. —
Come, I'll
take no
denial ;
We must
have a
trial :
For
really
this
morning
I've
nothing
to do.'
Said the
mouse to
the cur,
'Such a
trial,
dear sir,
With uo
,iury or
judge,
would be
wasting
our breath.'
Til be
judge,
rn be
jury.'
Caid
cunning
old Fury;
'I'll try
the whole
cause,
and
condemn
you
to
deatli.'"
A CAUCUS-RACE
are not attending!" said the Mouse
to Alice, severely. f? What are you thinking of? "
" I beg your pardon," said Alice very humbly :
"you had got to the fifth bend, I think?"
w I had not ! " cried the Mouse, sharply and
very angrily.
"A knot!" said Alice, always ready to make
herself useful, and looking anxiously about her.
"Oh, do let me help to undo it!"
"I shall do nothing of the sort," said the
Mouse, getting up and walking away. ;?You
insult me by talking such nonsense!"
"I didn't mean it!" pleaded poor Alice.
''But you're so easily offended, you know!"
The Mouse only growled in reply.
"Please come back, and finish your story!"
Alice called after it; and the others all joined
in chorus, ' r Yes, please do ! " but the Mouse
only shook its head impatiently, and walked
a little quicker.
"What a pity it wouldn't stay!" sighed
the Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight;
AND A LONG TALE. 39
and an old crab took the opportunity of saying
to her daughter, "Ah, my dear! Let this be
a lesson to you never to lose your temper!"
"Hold your tongue, Ma! " said the young crab,
a little snappishly. :? You're enough to try the
patience of an oyster ! "
"I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I
do ! " said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in
particular. " She'd soon fetch it back ! "
"And who is Dinah, if I might venture to
ask the question?" said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always
ready to talk about her pet. "Dinah's our
cat. And she's such a capital one for catching
mice, you can't think ! And oh, I wish you
could see her after the birds ! Why, she'll eat
a little bird as soon as look at it ! "
This speech caused a remarkable sensation
among the party. Some of the birds hurried
off at once: one old magpie began wrapping
itself up very carefully, remarking, "I really
must be getting home; the night-air doesn't
40 A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE.
suit my throat ! " and a canary called out in a
trembling voice to its children, w Come away, my
dears! It's high time you were all in bed! " On
various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice
was soon left alone.
"I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!" she
said to herself in a melancholy tone. "Nobodj?
seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's
the best cat in the world ! Oh, my dear Dinah !
I wonder if I shall ever see you any more ! "
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she
felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little
while, however, she again heard a little patter
ing of footsteps in the distance, and she looked
up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had
changed his mind, and was coming back to
finish his story.
CHAPTEE IV.
THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL.
IT was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly
back again, and looking anxiously about as it
went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
it muttering to itself, " The Duchess ! The
Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and
whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as
ferrets are ferrets! Where can I have dropped
them, I wonder!" Alice guessed in a moment
that it was looking for the fan and the pair
of white kid gloves, and she very goodnaturedly
began hunting about for them, but they were
nowhere to be seen — everything seemed to have
42 THE RABBIT SENDS
changed since her swim in the pool, and the
great hall, with the glass table and the little
door, had vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she
went hunting about, and called out to her in an
angry tone, "Why, Mary Ann, what are you
doing out here? Run home this moment, and
fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick,
now! " And Alice was so much frightened that
she ran off at once in the direction it pointed
to, without trying to explain the mistake that
it had made.
" He took me for his housemaid," she said to
herself as she ran. " How surprised he'll be
when he finds out who I am! But I'd better
take him his fan and gloves — that is, if I can
find them." As she said this, she came upon
a neat little house, on the door of which was a
bright brass plate with the name «W. RABBIT,"
engraved upon it. She went in without knock
ing, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest
she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be
IN A LITTLE BILL. 43
turned out of the house before she had found
the fan and gloves.
w How queer it seems," Alice said to herself,
^ to be going messages for a rabbit ! I suppose
Dinah'll be sending me on messages next ! "
And she began fancying the sort of thing that
would happen: :?Miss Alice! Come here di
rectly, and get ready for your walk ! ' ? Coming
in a minute, nurse! But I've got to watch this
mousehole till Dinah comes back, and see that
the mouse doesn't get out.' Only I don't think,"
Alice went on, "that they'd let Dinah stop in
the house if it began ordering people about like
that ! "
By this time she had found her way into
a tidy little room with a table in the window,
and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or
three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took
up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was
just going to leave the room, when her eye fell
upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-
glass. There was no label this time with the
'M THE RABBIT SENDS
words w DEINK ME," but nevertheless she un«
corked it and put it to her lips. "I know
something interesting is sure to happen," she
said to herself, "whenever I eat or drink any
thing; so I'll just see what this bottle does.
I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for
really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny
little thing!"
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she
had expected: before she had drunk half the
bottle, she found her head pressing against the
ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from
being broken. She hastily put down the bottle,
saying to herself, w That's quite enough — I hope
I shan't grow any more — As it is, I can't get
out at the door — I do wish I hadn't drunk
quite so much! "
Alas! It was too late to wish that! She
went on growing and growing, and very soon
had to kneel down on the floor : in another
minute there was not even room for this, and
she tried the effect of lying down, with one
IN A LITTLE BILL.
elbow against the door, and the other arm curled
round her head. Still she went on growing,
and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of
the window, and one foot up the chimney, and
said to herself, w Now I can do no more, what
ever happens. What will become of me?"
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had
now had its full effect, and she grew no larger:
still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever
46 THE RABBIT SENDS
getting out of the room again, no wonder she
felt unhappy.
"It was much pleasanter at home," thought
poor Alice, " when one wasn't always growing
larger and smaller, and being ordered about by
mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone
down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it's
rather curious, you know, this sort of life ! I
do wonder what can have happened to me !
When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
kind of thing never happened, and now here I
am in the middle of one! There ought to be
a book written about me, that there ought !
And when I grow up, I'll write one — but I'm
grown up now," she added in a sorrowful tone,
* at least there's no room to grow up any more
"But then," thought Alice, "shall I never
get any older than I am now ? That'll be a
comfort, one way — never to be an old woman
— but then — always to have lessons to learn 1
Oh, I shouldn't like that!"
IN A LITTLE BILL. 47
"Oh, you foolish Alice!" she answered her
self. " How can you learn lessons in here ?
Why, there's hardly room for you, and no room
at all for any lesson-books ! "
And so she went on, taking first one side and
then the other, and making quite a conversation
of it altogether, but after a few minutes she
heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
c? Mary Ann ! Mary Ann ! " said the voice,
" fetch me my gloves this moment! " Then came
a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice
knew it was the Kabbit coming to look for her,
and she trembled till she shook the house, quite
forgetting that she was now about a thousand
times as large as the Kabbit, and had no reason
to be afraid of it.
Presently the Kabbit came up to the door,
and triad to open it, but as the door opened
inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard
against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice
heard it say to itself, w Then I'll go round and
get in at the window."
THE RABBIT SENDS
" That you won't I " thought Alice, and, after
waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit
just under the window, she suddenly spread
out her hand, and
made a snatch in the
air. She did not get
hold of anything, but
she heard a little
shriek and a fall,
and a crash of bro
ken glass, from which
she concluded that
it was just possible
it had fallen into a
cucumber- frame, or
something of the sort.
Next came an angry voice — the Babbit's —
2?Pat! Pat! Where are you?" And then a
Yoice she had never heard before, " Sure then
I'm here ! Digging for apples, yer honour ! "
w Digging for apples, indeed ! " said the
Rabbit angrily. "Here! Come and help me
IN A LITTLE BILL. 49
out of this!" (Sounds of more broken glass.)
"Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?53
"Sure, it's an arm, yer honor!" (He pro
nounced it " arrum.")
"An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one
that size? Why, it fills the whole window!"
" Sure, it does, yer honor : but it's an arm
for all that,"
* Well, it's got no business there, at any rate:
go and tako it away! "
There AY; is a long silence after this, and Alice
could only hear whispers now and then, such
as, " Sure, I don't like it, yer honor, at all at
all ! " " Bo as I tell you, you coward ! " and at
last she spread out her hand again and made
another e natch in the air. This time there were
two little shrieks, and more sounds of broken
glass. "What a number of cucumber frames
there must be ! " thought Alice. " I wonder
what they'll do next! As for pulling me out
of the window, I only wish they could! I'm
sure / don't want to stay in here any longer!'*
00 THE HABBIT SENDS
She waited for some time without hearing
anything more: at last came a rumbling of
little cart-wheels, and the sound of a good many
voices all talking together: she made out the
words, "Where's the other ladder? — Why, 1
hadn't to bring but one: Bill's got the other —
Bill! fetch it here, lad! — Here, put 'em up at
this corner — No, tie 'em together first — they
don't reach half high enough yet — Oh ! they'll
do well enough; don't be particular — Here,
Bill! catch hold of this rope — Will the roof
bear? — Mind that loose slate — Oh, it's coming
down ! Heads below ! " (a loud crash) — w Now,
who did that?— It was Bill, I fancy— Who's
to go down the chimney? — Nay, / shan't!
You do itl — That I won't then! — Bill's got
to go down — Here, Bill! the master says you've
got to go down the chimney ! "
"Oh, so Bill's got to come down the chim=
ney, has he?" said Alice to herself. :?Why,
they seem to put everything upon Bill! I
wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal:
IN A LITTLE I3ILL.
5]
this fireplace is narrow,
to be sure, bat I think
I can kick a little!"
She drew her foot as
far down the chimney as
she could, and waited till
she heard a little animal
(she couldn't guess of
what sort it was) scratch
ing and scrambling about
in the chimney close above
her: then, saying to her
self, "This is Bill," she
gave, one sharp kick, and
waited to see what would
happen next.
The first thing she
heard was a general
chorus of w There goes
Bill!" then the Rabbit's
voice alone, " Catch him,
you by the hed^e! " then
52 THE RABBIT SENDS
silence, and then another confusion of voices—
"Hold up his head — Brandy now — Don't choke
him — How was it, old fellow? What happened
to you? Tell us all about it! "
Last came a little feeble squeaking voice,
(w That's Bill," thought Alice,) w Well, I hardly
know — No more, thank'ye, I'm better now —
but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you — all
I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-
in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket ! "
" So you did, old fellow ! " said the others.
* We must burn the house down ! " said the
Rabbit's voice, and Alice called out as loud as
she could, " If you do, I'll set Dinah at you ! "
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice
thought to herself, "I wonder what they will
do next! If they had any sense, they'd take
the roof off." After a minute or two they
began moving about again, and Alice heard the
Rabbit say, "A barrowful will do, to begin with.*
"A barrowful of what?" thought Alice; but
she had not long to doubt, for the next moment
IN A LITTLE BILL. 53
a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at
the window, and some of them hit her in the
face. w I'll put a stop to this," she said to herself,
and shouted out, ' You'd better not do that
again ! " which produced another dead silence.
Alice noticed with some surprise that the
pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they
lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into
her head. "If I eat one of these cakes," she
thought, " it's sure to make some change in my
size: and as it can't possibly make me larger,
it must make me smaller, I suppose."
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was
delighted to find that she began shrinking
directly. As soon as she was small enough to
get through the door, she ran out of the house,
and found quite a crowd of little animals and
birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard,
Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two
guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out
of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the
moment she appeared, but she ran off as hard
M THE KAB131T SENDS
as she could, and soon found herself safe in a
thick wood.
" The first thing I've got to do," said Alice
to herself, as she wandered about in the wood,
"is to grow to my right size again; and the
second thing is to find my way into that lovely
garden. I think that will be the best plan."
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and
very neatly and simply arranged; the only
difficulty was, that she had not the smallest
idea how to set about it; and while she was
peering about anxiously among the trees, a
little sharp bark just over her head made her
look up in a great hurry.
An enormous puppy was looking down at
her with large round eyes, and feebly stretching
out one paw, trying to touch her. "Poor little
thing!" said Alice in a coaxing tone, and she
tried hard to whistle to it, but she was terribly
frightened all the time at the thought that it
might be hungry, in which case it would be very
likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
IN A LITTLE BILL.
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up
little bit of stick, and held it out to the
Hippy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the
iir off all its feet at once, with a yelp of
36 THE RABBIT SENDS
delight, and rushed at the stick, and made be
lieve to worry it; then Alice dodged behind
a great thistle, to keep herself from being run
over, and, the moment she appeared on the
other side, the puppy made another rush at the
stick, and tumbled head over heelj in its hurry
to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
very like having a game of play with a cart
horse, and expecting every moment to be tram
pled under its feet, ran round the thistle again;
then the puppy began a series of short charges
at the stick, running a very little way forwards
each time and a long way back, and bark
ing hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat
down a good way off, panting, with its tongue
hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes
half shut.
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for
making her escape, so she set off at once, and
ran till she, was quite tired and out of breath,
and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint
in the distance.
ri A. LITTLE BILL. 57
wAnd yet what a dear little puppy it was!"
eaid Alice, as she leant against a buttercup to
rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
leaves; "I should have liked teaching it tricks
very much, if — if I'd only been the right size
to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that
I've got to grow up again! Let me see — how
is it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat
or drink something or other; but the great
question is, what?"
The great question certainly was, what?
Alice looked all round her at the flowers and
the blades of grass, but she could not see any
thing that looked like the right thing to eat
or drink under the circumstances. There was a
large mushroom growing near her, about the
same height as herself, and when she had look
ed under it, and on both sides of it, and behind
it? it occurred to her that she might as well
look and see what was on the top of it.
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and
peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and her
58 THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL.
eyes immediately" met those of a large blue
caterpillar^ that was sitting on the top with
to'arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah,
and taking not the smallest notice of her or of
anything else.
CATERPILLAR.
then after that into a butterfly, I should think
you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?"
"Not a bit," said the Caterpillar.
"Well, perhaps your feelings may be differ
ent," said Alice ; " all I know is, it would feel
very queer to me"
" You ! " said the Caterpillar contemptuously.
"Who arc you?"
Which brought them back again to the be
ginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little
irritated at the Caterpillar's making such very
short remarks, and she drew herself up and
said, very gravely, "I think you ought to tell
me who you are, first."
"Why?" said the Caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling question; and, as
Alice could not think of any good reason, and
as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very un
pleasant state of mind, she turned away.
"Come back!" the Caterpillar called after
her. " I've something important to say ! "
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice
turned and came back again.
62 ADVICE FROM A
"Keep your temper," said the Caterpillar.
"Is that all?" said Alice, swallowipg down
her anger as well as she could.
"No," said the Caterpillar.
Alice thought she might as well wait, as
she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after
all it might tell her something worth hearing.
For some minutes it puffed away without speak
ing, but at last it unfolded its arms, took the
hookah out of its mouth again, and said, "So
you think you're changed, do you?"
"I'm afraid I am, sir," said Alice; "I can't
remember things as I used — -and I don't keep
the same size for ten minutes together ! "
"Can't remember what things?" said the
Caterpillar.
"Well, I've tried to say 'How doth the
little busy bee,' but it all came different!"
Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
"Repeat ' You are old, Father William /"
said the Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands, and began : —
CATERPILLAR.
"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head —
Do you think) at your age, it is right 9"
^ In my youth," father William replied to his son,
" I feared it might injure the brain;
Hut now that Pm perfectly sure I have none.
Why, I do it again and again"
64
ADVICE FROM A
"You are old" said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat ;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door —
Pray, what is the reason of that ?"
"In my youth" said the sage, as he shook his grey locks?
" 1 kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box -•—
Allow me to sell you a couple "
CATERPILLAR.
65
*Ybu are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too
weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak'.
Pray, how did you manage to do it 1 "
e? In my youth" said his father, " I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, ivhich it gave to my jaw.
Has lasted the rest of my life"
5
ADVICE FROM A
w You are old" said the youth; one would hardly sup
pose
That your eye was as steady as ever ;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — -
What made you so awfully clever ?"
K I have answered three questions, and that is enough*
Said his father; " don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff '9
Be off, or Til kick you down stairs!"
CATERPILLAR. 67
"That is not said right," said the Caterpillar.
"Not quite right, I'm afraid," said Alice
timidly; " some of the words have got altered."
"It is wrong from beginning to end," said
the Caterpillar decidedly, and there was silence
for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
:?What size do you want to be?" it asked.
" Oh, I'm not particular as to size," Alice
hastily replied; "only one doesn't like changing
so often, you know."
"I don't know," said the Caterpillar.
Alice said nothing: she had never been so
much contradicted in all her life before, and she
felt that she was losing her temper.
"Are you content now?" said the Caterpillar.
:?Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir,
if you wouldn't mind," said Alice : " three inches
is such a wretched height to be."
" It is a very good height indeed ! " said the
Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it
spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
68 ADVICE FROM A
w But I'm not used to it ! " pleaded pool
Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought to
herself, "I wish the creatures wouldn't be so
easily offended ! "
"You'll get used to it in time," said the
Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its
mouth and began smoking again.
This time Alice waited patiently until it
chose to speak again. In a minute or two the
Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth,
and yawned once or twice, and shook itself.
Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled
away into the grass, merely remarking as it
went, " One side will make you grow taller,
and the other side will make you grow shorter."
"One side of what? The other side of
what?" thought Alice to herself.
"Of the mushroom," said the Caterpillar^
just as if she had asked it aloud; and in
another moment it was out of sight.
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the
mushroom for a minute, trying to make out
CATERPILLAR. 69
which were the two sides of it; and, as it was
perfectly round, she found this a very difficult
question. However, at last she stretched her
arms round it as far as they would go, and
broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
"And now which is which?" she said to her
self, and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to
try the effect: the next moment she felt a vio
lent blow underneath her chin; it had struck
her foot!
She was a good deal frightened by this very
sudden change, but she felt that there was no
time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly;
so she set to work at once to eat some of the
other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely
against her foot, that there was hardly room to
open her mouth; but she did it at last, and
managed to swallow a morsel of the left-hand
bit.
****
70 ADVICE FROM A
w Come, my head's free at last ! " said Alice in
a tone of delight, which changed into alarm in
another moment, when she found that her
shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she
could see, when she looked down, was an im
mense length of neck, which seemed to rise
like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that
lay far below her.
"What can all that* green stuff be?" said
Alice. "And where have my shoulders got to?
And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see
you?" She was moving them about as she
spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a
little shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting
her hands up to her head, she tried to get her
head down to them, and was delighted to find
that her neck would bend about easily in any
direction, like a serpent. She had just succeeded
in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and
was going to dive in among the leaves, which
she found to be nothing but the tops of the
CATERPILLAR. • 7]
trees under which she had been wandering, when
a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry: a
large pigeon had flown 'into her face, and was
beating her violently with its wings. .
"Serpent!" screamed the Pigeon.
" I'm not a serpent ! " said Alice indignantly.
" Let me alone ! "
" Serpent, I say again ! " repeated the Pigeon,
but in a more subdued tone, and added with a
kind of sob, " I've tried every way, and nothing
seems to suit them ! "
" I haven't the least idea what you're talking
about," said Alice.
"I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried
banks, and I've tried hedges," the Pigeon went
on, without attending to her; "but those ser
pents! There's no pleasing them!"
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she
thought there was no use in saying anything
more till the Pigeon had finished.
" As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching
the eggs," said the Pigeon, "but I must be on
72 ADVICE FROM A
the look-out for serpents night and day! Why,
I haven't had a wink of sleep these three
weeks ! "
" I'm very sorry you've been annoyed," said
Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning.
"And just as I'd taken the highest tree in
the wood," continued the Pigeon, raising its
voice to a shriek, " and just as I was thinking
I should be free of them at last, they must needs
come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh!
Serpent!"
" But I'm not a serpent, I tell you ! " said Alice,
"I'm a— I'm a "
*Well! What are you?" said the Pigeon.
w J can see you're trying to invent something! "
"I — I'm a little girl," said Alice, rather doubt
fully, as she remembered the number of changes
she had gone through that day.
"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in
a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a
good many little girls in my time, but never one
with such a neck as that! No, no I You're a
CATERPILLAR. 73
serpent; and there's no use denying it. I sup
pose you'll be telling me next that you never
tasted an egg ! "
"I have tasted eggs, certainly," said Alice,
who was a very truthful child; "but little girls
eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
know."
"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if
they do, why then they're a kind of serpent,
that's all I can say."
This was such a new idea to Alice, that
she was quite silent for a minute or two, which
gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding,
' You're looking for eggs, I know that well
enough ; and what does it matter to me whether
you're a little girl or a serpent?"
"It matters a good deal to me" said Alice
hastily; "but I'm not looking for eggs, as it
happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want yours:
I don't like them raw."
* Well, be off, then ! " said the Pigeon in a
sulky tone, as it settled down again into its
74 ADVICE FROM A
nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as
well as she could, for her neck kept getting
entangled among the branches, and every now
and then she had to stop and untwist it. After
a while she remembered that she still held the
pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set
to work very carefully, nibbling first at one
and then at the other, and growing sometimes
taller and sometimes shorter, until she had suc
ceeded in bringing herself down to her usual
height.
It was so long since she had been anything
near the right size, that it felt quite strange
at first, but she got used to it in a few min
utes, and began talking to herself as usual.
w Come, there's half my plan done now ! How
puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure
what I'm going to be, from one minute to an
other! However, I've got back to my right
size: the next thing is, to get into that beau
tiful garden — how is that to be done, I won
der? " As she said this, she came suddenly upon
CATERPILLAR. 75
an open place, with a little house in it about
four feet high. r< Whoever lives there/' thought
Alice, "it'll never do to come upon them this
size: why, I should frighten them out of their
wits ! " So she began nibbling at the right-hand
bit again, and did not venture to go near the
house till she nad Drought nerseif down to nine
inches high.
CHAPTEB YT.
/
PIG AND PEPPER.
FOR a minute or two she stood looking at
the house, and wondering what to do next,
when suddenly a footman in livery came run
ning out of the wood — (she considered him to
be a footman because he was in livery: other
wise, judging by his face only, she would have
called him a fish) — and rapped loudly at the
door with his knuckles. It was opened by
another footman in livery, with a round face
and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen,
Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled
all over their heads. She felt very curious
PIG AND PEPPER.
77
to know what it was all about, and crept a little
way out of the wood to listen.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from
under his arm a great letter, nearly as large
as himself, and this he handed over to the
other, saying in a solemn tone, " For the Duch
ess. An invitation from the Que6n to play
78 PIG AND PEPPER.
croquet." The Frog-Footman repeated, in the
same solemn tone, only changing the order of
the words a little, " From the Queen. An invi
tation for the Duchess to play croquet."
Then they both bowed low, and their curls
got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at this that she had
to run back into the wood for fear of their
hearing her, and when she next peeped out the
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting
on the ground near the door, staring stupidly
up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door, and
knocked.
"There's no sort of use in knocking," said
the Footman, " and that for two reasons. First,
because I'm on the same side of the door as
you are ; secondly, because they're making such a
noise inside, no one could possibly hear you."
And certainly there was a most extraordinary
noise going on within — a constant howling
and sneezing, and every now and then a great
PIG AND PEPPER. 79
crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to
pieces.
"Please, then," said Alice, "how am I to
get in?"
:? There might be some sense in your knock
ing," the Footman went on without attending
to her, "if we had the door between us. For
instance, if you were inside, you might knock,
and I could let you out, you know." He was
looking up into the sky all the time he was
speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly
uncivil. "But perhaps he can't help it," she
said to herself; "his eyes are so very nearly
at the top of his head. But at any rate he
might answer questions — How am I to get
in?" she repeated, aloud.
"I shall sit here," the Footman remarked,
"till to-morrow "
At this moment the door of the house
•
opened, and a large plate came skimming out,
straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed
his nose, and broke to pieces against one of
the trees behind him.
80 PIG AND PEPPER.
" or next day, maybe," the Footman con
tinued in the same tone, exactly as if nothing
had happened.
"How am I to get in?" Alice asked again in
a louder tone.
" Are you to get in at all?" said the
Footman. " That's the first question, you
know."
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to
be told so. " It's really dreadful," she muttered
to herself, "the way all the creatures argue.
It's enough to drive one crazy ! "
The Footman seemed to think this a good
opportunity for repeating his remark, with
variations. " I shall sit here," he said, " on and
off, for days and days."
" But what am I to do? " said Alice.
"Anything you like," said the Footman, and
began whistling.
" Oh, there's no use in talking to him," said
Alice desperately: " he's perfectly idiotic! " And
she opened the door and went in.
PIG AND PEPPER.
81
The door led right into a large kitchen, which
was full of smoke from one end to the other:
the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool
in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was
leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron
which seemed to be full of soup.
f There's certainly too much pepper in that
youp ! " Alice said to herself, as well as she could
for sneezing.
82 PIG AND PEPPER.
There was certainly too much of it in the
air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally;
and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howl
ing alternately without a moment's pause. The
only two creatures in the kitchen that did not
sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which
was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear
to ear.
"Please, would you tell me," said Alice, a
little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether
it was good manners for her to speak first,
w why your cat grins like that ? "
" It's a Cheshire cat," said the Duchess, w and
that's why. Pig!"
She said the last word with such sudden vio
lence that Alice quite jumped; but she saw in
another moment that it was addressed to the
baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and
went on again : —
"I didn't know that Cheshire cats always
grinned; in fact, I didn't know that cats could
grin."
PIG AND PEPPER. 83
w They all can," said the Duchess ; " and most
of 'em do."
" I don't know of any that do," Alice said very
politely, feeling quite pleased to have got into a
conversation.
TYou don't know much," said the Duchess;
"and that's a fact."
Alice did not at all like the tone of this
remark, and thought it would be as well to
introduce some other subject of conversation.
While she was trying to fix on one, the cook
took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at
once set to work throwing everything within
her reach at the Duchess and the baby — the
fire-irons came first; then followed a shower
of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess
took no notice of them, even when they hit her;
and the baby was howling so much already, that
it was quite impossible to say whether the blows
hurt it or not.
"Oh, please mind wrhat you're doing!" cried
llice, jumping up and down in an agony of
84 PIG AND PEITKR.
terror. " Oh, there goes his precious nose ! " as
an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and
very nearly carried it off.
K If everybody minded their own business,"
said the Duchess in a hoarse growl, " the world
would go round a deal faster than it does."
* "Which would not be an advantage," said
Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity
of showing off a little of her knowledge. " Just
think what work it would make with the day
and night ! You see the earth takes twenty-four
hours to turn round on its axis- "
" Talking of axes," said the Duchess, " chop
off her head!"
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to
see if she meant to take the hint; but the cook
was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
be listening, so she went on again: c Twenty-
four hours, I think; or is it twelve? I "
"Oh, don't bother me," said the Duchess; "I
never could abide figures." And with that she
began nursing her child again, singing a sort of
PIG AND PEPPER. 85
lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent
shake at the end of every line: —
" Speak roughly to your little boy,
A.nd beat him when he sneezes;
He only does it to annoy ,
Because he knows it teases."
CHORUS
(in which the cook and the baby joined) : —
"Wow! u-ow! wow!"
While the Duchess sang the second verse of
the song, she kept tossing the baby violently up
and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
that Alice could hardly hear the words: —
"I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases! "
CHORUS
*WowI wow! wow!"
86 PIG AND PEPPER.
w Here ! you may nurse it a bit, if you like ! "
said the Duchess to Alice, flinging the baby at
her as she spoke. " I must go and get ready to
play croquet with the Queen," and she hurried
out of the room. The cook threw a fryingpan
after her as she went, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty,
as it was a queer-shaped little creature, and held
out its arms and legs in all directions, "just like
a star-fish," thought Alice. The poor little thing-
was snorting like a steam-engine when she
caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
straightening itself out again, so that altogether,
for the first minute or two, it was as much as
she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way
of nursing it, (which was to twist it up into a
sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its
right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its
undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open
air. "If I don't take this child away with me,'?
thought Alice, w they're sure to kill it in a day
PIG AND PEPPER. 87
or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it
behind?" She said the last words out loud, and
the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off
sneezing by this time). "Don't grunt," said
Alice: "that's not at all a proper way of
expressing yourself."
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked
very anxiously into its face to see what was the
matter with it. There could be no doubt that
it had a very turn-up nose, much more like a
snout than a real nose; also its eyes were
getting extremely small, for a baby: altogether
Alice did not like the look of the thing at all,
w — but perhaps it was only sobbing," she
thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see
if there were any tears.
No, there were no tears. " If you're going to
turn into a pig, my dear," said Alice, seriously,
wl'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
now!" The poor little thing sobbed again, (or
grunted, it was impossible to say which,) and
they went on for some while in silence.
88
PIG AND PEPPER.
Alice was just beginning to think to herself,
"Now, what am I to do with this creature
when I get it home?" when it grunted again?
so violently, that she
looked down into its
face in some alarm.
This time there could
be no mistake about
it : it was neither
more nor less than
a pig, and she felt
that it would be
quite absurd for her
to carry it any fur
ther.
So she set the
little creature down, and felt quite relieved to
see it trot away quietly into the wood. "If
it had grown up," she said to herself, " it would
have been a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
rather a handsome pig, I think." And she be
gan thinking over other children she knew, who
PIG AND PEPPER.
might do very well as pigs, and was just say
ing to herself, "if one only knew the right way
to change them - " when she was a little
startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on
a bough of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice.
It looked goodnatured, she thought: still it
had very long claws and a great many teeth,
so she...lULit ought to be treated with respect.
" Cheshire Puss," SiSwoeganjLratlier timidly,
as she did not at all know whether it would
like the name : however, it only grinned a little
wider. '* Come, it's pleased so far," thought
Alice, and she went on, ft Would you tell me,
please, which way I ought to ¥«flne from here?"
'That depends a good deal on where you
want to get to," said the Cat.
" I don't much care where - " said Alice.
lien it doesn't matter which way you
*" said the Cat.
w --- so long as I get somewhere" Alice
added as an explanation. •
90 PIG AND PEPPER.
" Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat,
"if you only walk long enough."
Aiiw fijii that tnis ftftuia hot ftg aemed, so
she tried another question. " \\hat sort of
people live about here?"
"In that direction," fhj_(Cnili «nii1,f'n n \ in . , its
right pnw minnty " 1i-rn a Hatter: and in //////
direction," waving (lie utliiii1 p»»»; fr lives a Mni-ch
Hare. Visit either you like: they're, both nuid."
"But I don't want to go among mad
people," Aliee remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
* we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
'You must be," said the Cat, "or yon
wouldn't have come here."\
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on: "and how do you know
that you're mad?"
"To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not
mad. You grant that?"
"I suppose so," said Alice.
AXI>
"Well tluV' the Cal
\\( nt on, "you see a dog
growls when it's angry,
and wags its tail when ifs
pleased. Now /growl u i i -. » • n
I'm pleased, and wag my
taihvhrn I'm an^ry. Thnv-
Pm mad."
"/ call it puiTm«;\ not
growling," said A!K ^ .
t? Call it what you like.*
said the Cat. 'f l>o you
nlay croijiu't with thr (.^.IUHMI to-day ?"
92 PIG AND PEPPER.
w I should like it very much," said Alice,
"but I haven't been invited yet."
c You'll see me there," said the Cat, and
vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this, she
was getting1 so well used to queer things hap
pening. "While she was still looking at the
place where it had been, it suddenly appeared
again.
"By -the -bye, what became of the baby?''
said the Cat. " I'd nearly forgotten to ask."
" It turned into a pig," Alice answered very
quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a
natural way.
" I thought it would," said the Cat, and van
ished again.
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it
again, but it did not appear, and after a minute
or two she walked on in the direction in which
the March Hare was said to live. "I've seen
hatters before," she said to herself: " the March
Hare will be much the most interesting, and
PIG AND PEPPER.
perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad —
at least not so mad as it was in March." As
she said this, she looked up, and there was the
Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
"Did you say pig, or fig?" said the Cat.
" I said pig," replied Alice ; w and I wish you
wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so sud
denly: you make one quite giddy."
"All right," said the Cat; and this time it
vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end
of the tail, and ending with the grin, which re
mained some time after the rest of it had gone.
94 PIG AND PEPPER.
w Well ! I've often seen a cat without a grin,"
thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat!
It's the most curious thing I ever saw in all
my life!"
She had not gone much farther before she
came in sight of the house of the March Hare:
she thought it must be the right house, because
the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof
was thatched with fur. It was so large a house,
that she did not like to go nearer till she had
nibbled some more of the left-hand bit o. ^nush-
room, and raised herself to about two feet high:
even then she walked up towards it rather
timidly, saying to herself, "Suppose it should
be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd gone
to see the Hatter instead!"
CHAPTEK YH.
A MAD TEA-PARTY.
THERE was a table set out under a tree in
front of the house, and the March Hare and the
Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was
sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other
two were using it as a cushion, resting their
elbows on it, and talking over its head. "Very
uncomfortable for the Dormouse," thought Alice;
" only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind."
The table was a large one, but the three
were all crowded together at one corner of it:
w ~No room ! No room ! " they cr;ed out when
they saw Alice coming. " There's plenty of
96 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
room ! " said Alice indignantly, and she sa.t down
in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
"Have some wine," the March Hare said in
an encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round the table, but there
was nothing on it but tea. "I don't see any
wine," she remarked.
c There isn't any," said the March Hare.
" Then it wasn't very civil of you to oifer
it," said Alice angrily.
"It wasn't very civil of you to sit down
without being invited," said the March Hare.
"I didn't know it was your table," said
Alice; "it's laid for a great many more than
three."
'Your hair wants cutting," said the Hatter.
He had been looking at Alice for some time
with great curiosity, and this was his first
speech.
'You should learn not to make personal
remarks," Alice said with some severity: "it's
very rude."
A MAD TEA-PARTY.
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on
hearing this- but all he said was, "Why is a
raven like a writing-desk?"
" Come, we shall have some fun now ! w
thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begun ask
ing riddles — I believe I can guess that," she
added aloud.
"Do you mean that you think you can find
it the answer to it?" said the March Hare.
? w Exactly so," said Alice.
7
&8 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
'Then you should say what you mean," the
March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least — at
least I mean what I say — that's the same thing,
you know."
" Not the same thing a bit ! " said the Hatter.
* Why, you might just as well say that * I see
hat I eat ' is the same thing as ' I eat what I
see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the
March Hare, "that CI like what I get' is the
same thing as ?I get w^hat I like'!"
* You might just as well say," added the Dor
mouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep,
" that * I breathe when I sleep ' is the same
thing as ' I sleep when I breathe ' ! "
"It is the same thing with you," said the
Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and
the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
thought over all she could remember about
ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence.
A MAD TEA-PARTY. 99
* What day of the month is it?" he said, turn
ing to Alice: he had taken his watch out of
his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shak
ing it every now and then, and holding it to
his ear.
Alice considered a little, and said, " The
fourth."
"Two days wrong!" sighed the Hatter. "I
told you butter wouldn't suit the works ! " he
added, looking angrily at the March Hare.
"It was the lest butter," the March Hare
meekly replied.
r Yes, but some crumbs must have got in
as well," the Hatter grumbled: "you shouldn't
have put it in with the bread-knife."
The March Hare took the watch and looked
at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup
of tea, and looked at it again: but he could
think of nothing better to say than his first
remark, "It was the lest butter, you know."
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with
some curiosity. " What a funny watch ! "
100 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
remarked. "It tells the day of the month, and
doesn't tell what o'clock it is ! "
"Why should it?" muttered the Hatter.
"Does your watch tell you what year it is?"
"Of course not/' Alice replied very readily:
"but that's because it stays the same year for
such a long time together."
"Which is just the case with mine" said
the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's
•remark seemed to her to have no sort of meaning
in it, and yet it was certainly English. "I don't
quite understand you/' she said, as politely as
she could.
" The Dormouse is asleep again," said the
Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea on to
its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently,
and said, without opening its eyes, " Of course?
of course: just what I was going to remark
myself."
"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the
Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
A MAD TEA-PARTY. 101
"No, I give it up," Alice-replied: * what's
the answer?"
"I haven't the slightest idea," said the
Hatteiv-
"Nbr I," said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. "I think you might
do something better with the time," she said,
"than wasting it in asking riddles that have
no answers."
"If you knew Time as well as I do," said
the Hatter, "you wouldn't talk about wasting
it. It's him"
"I don't know what you mean," said Alice.
" Of course you don't ! " the Hatter said,
tossing his head contemptuously. "I dare say
you never even spoke to Time ! "
" Perhaps not," Alice cautiously replied : " but
I know I have to beat time when I learn
music."
"Ah! that accounts for it," said the Hattera
"He won't stand beating. Now, if you only
kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost
102 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
anything you liked with the clock. For in
stance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morn
ing, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have
to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the
clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for
dinner ! "
(w I only wish it was," the March Hare said to
itself in a whisper.)
w That would be grand, certainly," said Alice
thoughtfully: w but then — I shouldn't be hungry
for it, you know."
w Not at first, perhaps," said the Hatter: w but
you could keep it to half-past one as long as
you liked."
"Is that the way you manage?" Alice,
asked.
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. rp Not
I " he replied. "We quarrelled last March •
just before lie went mad, you know " (point
ing with his teaspoon at the March Hare,)
w it was at the great concert given by the
Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing."
A MAD TEA-PARTY.
' Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at/*
You know the song perhaps?9'
"I've heard something like it," said Alice.
w It goes on, you know/' the Hatter continued,
win this way: —
* Up above the world you fly^
Like a teatray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle- ~~~J®
101 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began
singing in its sleep, " Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle " and went on so long that they had
to pinch it to make it stop.
"Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,"
said the Hatter, "when the Queen bawled out
' He's murdering the time ! Off with his head! '
" How dreadfully savage ! " exclaimed Alice.
"And ever since that," the Hatter went on
in a mournful tone, "he won't do a thing I
ask! It's always six o'clock now."
A bright idea came into Alice's head. "Is
that the reason so many tea-things are put out
riere?" she asked.
* Yes, that's it," said the Hatter with a sigh:
" it's always tea-time, and we've no time to wasn
the things between Avhiles."
"Then you keep moving round, I suppose?"
said Alice.
" Exactly so," said the Hatter : " as the things
get used up."
"But when you come to the beginning
again?" Alice ventured to- ask.
A MAD TEA-PARTY. 105
" Suppose we change the subject," the March
Jrlare interrupted, yawning. r" I'm getting tired
of this. I vote the young lady tells us a
story."
"I'm afraid I don't know one," said Alice,
rather alarmed at the proposal.
* Then the Dormouse shall ! " they both cried.
" Wake up, Dormouse ! " And they pinched it
^^^ggggPPpBMMMMMHMHHMBiM
on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. "I
wasn't asleep," he said in a hoarse, feeble voice:
" I heard every word you fellows were say
ing."
'Tell us a story!" said the March Hare.
:? Yes, please do ! " pleaded Alice.
"And be quick about it," added the Hatter,
"or you'll be asleep again before it's clone."
"Once upon a time there were three little
sisters," the Dormouse began in a great hurry;
" and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie ;
and they lived at the bottom of a well "
:? What did they live on ? " said Alice, who
106 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
always took a great interest in questions of eat
ing and drinking.
" They lived on treacle," said the Dormouse,
after thinking a minute or two.
"They couldn't have done that, you know,"
Alice gently remarked: " they'd have been ill."
" So they were," said the Dormouse; " very ill."
Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what
such an extraordinary way of living would be
like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went
on : " But why did they live at the bottom of
a well?"
* Take some more tea," the March Hare said
to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an
offended tone, "so I can't take more."
? You mean, you can't take less" said the
Hatter : " it's very easy to take more than
nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.
* Who's making personal remarks now?" the
Hatter asked triumphantly.
A MAD TEA-PARTY. 107
Alice did not quite know what to say to this:
so she helped herself to some tea and bread-and-
butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
repeated her question. 'Why did they live at
the bottom of a well?"
The Dormouse again took a minute or two
to think about it, and then said, "It was a
treacle- well."
"There's no such thing!" Alice was begin
ning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March
Hare wevit " Sh! sh! " and the Dormouse sulkily
'.,••• J
remarked, "If you can't be civil, you'd better
finish the story for yourself."
"No, please go on! " Alice said very humbly:
" I won't interrupt you again. I dare say there
may be one."
"One, indeed! " said the Dormouse indignant
ly. However, he consented to go on. "And
so these three little sisters — they were learning
to draw, you know "
'What did they draw?" said Alice, quite for
getting her promise.
108 A MAD TEA-PARTY.
"Treacle," said the Dormouse, without con
sidering at all this time.
" I want a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter :
w let's all move one place on."
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse
followed him: the March Hare moved into the
Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly
took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter
was the only one who got any advantage from
the change: and Alice was a good deal worse
off than before, as the March Hare had just
upset the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse
again, so she began very cautiously : w But I
don't understand. Where did they draw the
treacle from?"
' You can draw water out of a water- well,"
said the Hatter; "so I should think you could
draw treacle out of a treacle- well — eh, stupid?"
w But they were in the well," Alice said to
the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this iast
remark.
A MAD TEA-PARTY. 109
w Of course they were," said the Dormouse, —
'well in."
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she
et the Dormouse go on for some time without
nterrupting it.
" They were learning to draw," the Dormouse
went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it
was getting very sleepy; "and they drew all
nanner of things — everything that begins with
an M "
"Why with an M?" «aid Alice.
"Why not?" said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this
;ime, and was going off into a doze, but, on
jeing pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again
with a little shriek, and went on: " that
3egins with an M, such as mousetraps, and the
noon, and memory, and muchness — you know
you say things are r much of a muchness ' — did
you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a
nuchness?"
110
A MAD TEA-PARTY.
" Kealiy, now you ask me," said Alice, very
much confused, "I don't think "
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice
could bear: she got up in great disgust, and
walked off: the Dormouse fell asleep instantly,
and neither of the others took the least notice
of her going, though she looked back once or
twice, half hoping that they would call after
her: the last time she saw them, they were
trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot
A MAD JTEA-PARTY. 11T-
w At any rate I'll never go there again ! " said
Alice as she picked her way through the wood.
"It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in
all my life!"
Just as she said this, she noticed that one
of the trees had a door leading right into it.
c That- s very curious ! " she thought. " But
everything's curious to-day. I think I may as
well go in at once." And in she went.
Once more she found herself in- the long hall,
and close to the little glass table. "JSTow, I'll
manage better this time," she said to herself,
and began by taking the little golden key, and
unlocking the door that led into the garden.
Then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom
(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till
she was about a foot high: then she walked
down the little passage: and tlien — she found
herself at last in the beautiful garden, among
the bright flowerbeds and the cool fountains.
CHAPTER VIII.
THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND.
A LARGE rose-tree stood near the entrance of
the garden: the roses growing on it were white,
but there were three gardeners at it, busily
painting them red. Alice thought this a very
curious thing, and she went nearer to watch
them, and just as she came up to them she
heard one of them say, "Look out now, Five!
Don't go splashing paint over me like that ! "
"I couldn't help it," said Five in a sulky
tone; "Seven jogged my elbow."
On which Seven looked up and said, w That's
right, Five! Always lay the blame on others! "
THE QUEEN'S CKOQUE1 -GROUND.
113
"You'd better not talk! " said Five. "I heard
the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to
be beheaded ! "
"What for?"
said the one who
had spoken first.
w That's none
of your business,
Two! "said Seven.
'Yes, it is his
business ! " said
Five, w and I'll
tell him — it was
for bringing the
cook tulip - roots
instead of onions."
Seven
flung
114 THE QUEEN'S
* Would you tell me, please," said Alice,
a little timidly, "why you are painting those
roses?"
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at
Two. Two began, in a low voice, "Why, the
fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have
been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one
in by mistake, and if the Queen was to find it
out, we should all have our heads cut off, you
know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best,
afore she comes, to — " At this moment Five,
who had been anxiously looking across the gar
den, called out "The Queen! The Queen!" and
the three gardeners instantly threw themselves
flat upon their faces. There was a sound of
many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager
to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these
were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong
and flat, with their hands and feet at the cor
ners: next the ten courtiers; these were orna
mented all over with diamonds, and walked two
CROQUET-GROUND. 115
and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
the royal children; there were ten of them,
and the little dears came jumping merrily along
hand, in hand, in couples: they were all orna
mented with hearts. Next came the guests,
mostly Kings and Queens, and among them
Alice recognized the White Rabbit: it was talk
ing in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at
everything that was said, and went by without
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of
Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a crimson
velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand pro
cession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF
HEAKTS.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought
not to He down on her face like the three
gardeners, but she could not remember ever
having heard of such a rule at processions ; w and
besides, what would be the iise of a procession,"
she thought, " if people had all to lie down on
their faces, so that they couldn't see it ? " So she
stood where she was, and waited.
1 16 THE QUEEN'S
When the procession came opposite to Alice,
they all stopped and looked at her, and the
Queen said severely, "Who is this?" She said
It to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and
smiled in reply.
" Idiot ! " said the Queen, tossing her head
impatiently; and, turning to Alice, she went
on, "What's your name, child?"
" My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,"
said Alice very politely; but she added, to
herself, "Why, they're only a pack of cards,
after all. I needn't be afraid of them!"
"And who are these?" said the Queen, point
ing to the three gardeners who were lying
round the rose-tree; for you see, as they were
lying on their faces, and the pattern on their
backs was the same as the rest of the pack,
she could not tell whether f7iey were gardeners,
or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own
children.
"How should /know? " said Alice, surprised
at her own courage. " It's no business of mine"
CROQUET-GROUND.
117
The Queen turned crimson with fury, ancls
after glaring at her for a moment like a wild
beast, began screaming, " Off with her head I
Off—"
118 THE QUEEN'S
" Nonsense ! " said Alice, very loudly and
decidedly, and the Queen was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and
timidly said, " Consider, my dear : she is only
a child!"
The Queen turned angrily away from him,
and said to the Knave, "Turn them over!"
The Knave did so, verjr carefully, with one
foot.
" Get up ! " said the Queen in a shrill, loud
voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped
up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
the royal children, and everybody else.
" Leave off that! " screamed the Queen. 'r You
make me giddy." And then, turning to the
rose-tree, she went on, "What have you been
doing here?"
"May it please your Majesty," said Two, in
a very humble tone, going down on one knee
as he spoke, "we were trying — "
" / see ! " said the Queen, who had mean
while been examining the roses. " Off with
CROQUET-GROUND. 119
their heads ! " and the procession moved on,
three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute
the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for
protection.
? You shan't be beheaded!" said Alice, and
she put them into a large flower-pot that stood
near. The three soldiers wandered about for
a minute or two, looking for them, and then
quietly marched off after the others.
"Are their heads off?" shouted the Queen.
" Their heads are gone, if it please your
Majesty ! " the soldiers shouted in reply.
"That's right!" shouted the Queen. "Can
you play croquet?"
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice,
as the question was evidently meant for her.
"Yes!" shouted Alice.
" Come on then ! " roared the Queen, and
Alice joined the procession, wondering very
much what would happen next.
"It's — it's a very fine day!" said a timid
voice at her side. She was walking by the White
120 THE QUEEN'S
Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her
face.
:? Very," said Alice : — " where's the Duchess ? "
"Hush! Hush!" said the Rabbit in a low?
hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his
shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself
upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and
whispered, "She's under sentence of execution."'
"What for?" said Alice.
"Did you say 'What a pity!'?" the Rabbit
asked.
"No, I didn't," said Alice: "I don't think
it's at all a pity. I said 'What for?'"
" She boxed the Queen's ears — " the Rabbit
began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter.
" Oh, hush ! " the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
tone. T The Queen will hear you ! You see she
came rather late, and the Queen said — "
"Get to your places!" shouted the Queen in
a voice of thunder, and people began running
about in all directions, tumbling up against
each other: however, they got settled down in
*• minute or two, and the game began.
CROQUET-GROUND.
121
Alice thought she had never seen such a
curious croquet-ground in her life : it was all
ridges and furrows; the croquet-balls were live
hedgehogs, arid the mallets live flamingoes, and
the soldiers had to
double themselves up
and stand on their
hands and feet, to
make the arches.
The chief diffi
culty Alice found at
first was in managing
her flamingo : she
succeeded in getting
its body tucked away,
comfortably enough,
under her arm, with
its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she
had got its neck nicely straightened out, and
was going to give the hedgehog a blow with
its head, it would twist itself round and look
up into her face, with such a puzzled expres-
122 THE QUEEN'S
sion that she could not help bursting out laugh
ing : and when she had got its head down, arid
was going to begin again, it was very provoking
to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself,
and was in the act of crawling away: besides
all this, there was generally a ridge or a furrow
in the way wherever she wanted to send the
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were
always getting up and walking off to other parts
of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion
that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without wait
ing for turns, quarrelling all the while, and
fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and
went stamping about, and shouting, " Off with
his head ! " or " Off with her head ! " about once
in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure5
she had not as yet had any dispute with the
Queen, but she knew that it might happen any
minute, w and then," thought she, " what would
CROQUET-GROUND. 123
become of me? They're dreadfully fend of
beheading people here : the great wonder is3
that there's any one left alive!"
She was looking about for some way of escape,
and wondering whether she could get away
without being seen, when she noticed a curious
appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much
at first, but after watching it a minute or two
she made it out to be a grin, and sho said to her
self, "It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have
somebody to talk to."
" How are you getting on ? " said the Cat,
as soon as there was mouth enough for it to
speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then
nodded. " It's no use speaking to it," she
thought, " till its ears have come, or at least
one of them." In another minute the whole
head appeared, and then Alice put down her
flamingo, and began an account of the game,
feeling very glad she had some one to listen to
her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
124 THE QUEEN'S
enough of it now in sight, and no more of i*
appeared.
t?l don?t think they play at all fairly," Alice
began, in rather a complaining tone, " and they
all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear one's-self
speak — and they don't seem to have any rules
in particular; at least, if there are, nobody
attends to them — and you've no idea how con
fusing it is all the things being alive; for in
stance, there's the arch I've got to go through
next walking about at the other end of the
ground — and I should have croqueted the
Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away
when it saw mine coming ! "
"How do you like the Queen?" said the Cat
in a low voice.
"Not at all," said Alice: "she's so ex
tremely — " Just then she noticed that the
Queen was close behind her, listening: so she
went on " — likely to win, that it's hardly worth
while finishing the game."
The Queen smiled and passed on.
CROQUET-GROUND. 12,1
"Who are you talking to?" said the King,
coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's
head with great curiosity.
"It's a friend of mine — a Cheshire Cat," said
Alice : " allow me to introduce it."
"I don't like the look of it at all," said the
King: "however, it may kiss my hand if it
likes."
"I'd rather not," the Cat remarked.
"Don't be impertinent," said the King, "and
don't look at me like that!" He got behind
Alice as he spoke.
"A cat may look at a king," said Alice.
"I've read that in some book, but I don't re
member where."
r?Well, it must be removed," said the King
very decidedly, and he called to the Queen, who
was passing at the moment, "My dear! I wish
you would have this cat removed ! "
The Queen had only one way of settling all
difficulties, great or small. " Off with his head! "
she said without even looking round.
126 THE QUEEN'S
"I'll fetch the executioner myself," said tbe
King eagerly, and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back and
see how the game was going on, as she heard
the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming
with passion. She had already heard her sen
tence three of the players to be executed for
having missed their turns, and she did not like
the look of things at all, as the game was in
such confusion that she never knew whether it
was her turn or not. So she went off in search
of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with
another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an
excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them
with the other: the only difficulty was, that
her flamingo was gone across to the other side
of the garden, where Alice could see it trying
in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree,,
By the time she had caught the flamingo
and brought it back, the fight was over, and
both the hedgehogs were out of sight: e?but it
CROQUET-GROUND. 127
doesn't matter much," thought Alice, w as all the
arches are gone from this side of the ground."
So she tucked it away under her arm, that it
might not escape again, and went back to have
a little more conversation with her friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she
was surprised to find quite a large crowd col
lected round it: there was a dispute going on
between the executioner, the King, and the
Queen, who were all talking at once, while all
the rest were quite silent, and looked very
uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was ap
pealed to by all three to settle the question,
and they repeated their arguments to her,
though, as they all spoke at once, she found it
very hard to make out exactly what they said.
The executioner's argument was, that you
couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body
to cut it off from: that he had never had to
do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to
begin at his time of life.
128
THE QUEEN'S
The King's argument was, that anything that
had a head could be beheaded, and that you.
weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if some
thing wasn't done about it in less than no time,
she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It
CROQUET-GROUND. 129
was this last remark that had made the whole
party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but
"It belongs to the Duchess: you'd better ask
her about it."
" She's in prison," the Queen said to the exe
cutioner: "fetch her here." And the execu
tioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the mo
ment he was gone, and, by the time he had come
back with the Duchess, it had entirely disap
peared: so the King and the executioner ran
wildly up and down looking for it, while the
rest of the party went bacK to uie game.
CHAPTER IX.
THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY.
* You can't think how glad I am to see yon
again, yon dear old thing!" said the Duchess,
as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's,
and they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a
pleasant temper, and thought to herself that
perhaps it was only the pepper that had made
her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
' When J'ra a Duchess," she said to herself, (not
in a very hopeful tone thoiigh,) "I won't have
any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup does
THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY.
very well without — Maybe it's always pepper
that makes people hot-tempered/' she went on,
very much pleased at having found out a new
kind of rule, w and vinegar that makes them
sour — and camomile that makes them bitter —
and — and barley-sugar and such things that
make children sweet-tempered. I only wish
people knew tliat: then they wouldn't be so
stingy about it, you know — t"
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this
time, and was a little startled when she heard
her voice close to her ear. ? You're thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you
forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what
the moral of that is, but I shall remember it
in a bit."
"Perhaps it hasn't one," Alice ventured to
remark.
w Tut, tut, child ! " said the Duchess. w Every
thing's got a moral, if only you can find it."
And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's
side as she spoke.
132
THE MOCK
Alice did not much like her keeping so close
to her : first, because the Duchess was very
ugly, and secondly, because she was exactly the
right height to
rest her chin on
Alice's shoulder,
and it was an
uncomfortably
sharp chin. How
ever, she did not
like to be rude, so
she bore it as well
as she could.
" The game's
going on rather
better now," she
said by way of
keeping up the conversation a little.
«'Tis so," said the Duchess: "and the moral
of that is — 'Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes
the world go round ! '
w Somebody said," Alice whispered, w that it's
done by everybody minding their own business ! "
TURTLE'S STORY. 133
"Ah, well! It means much the same thing/5
said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin
into Alice's shoulder as she added, "and the
moral of that is — ' Take care of the sense, and
the sounds will take care of themselves.' '
"How fond she is of finding morals in
things ! " Alice thought to herself.
"I daresay you're wondering why I don't
put my arm round your waist," said the Duchess
after a pause: "the reason is, that I'm doubt
ful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall
I try the experiment?"
"He might bite," Alice cautiously replied,
not feeling at all anxious to have the experi
ment tried.
*Very true," said the Duchess: "flamingoes
and mustard both bite. And the moral of that
is — ? Birds of a feather flock together."1
" Only mustard isn't a bird," Alice remarked,
"Right, as usual," said the Duchess: "what
a clear way you have of putting things ! "
"It's a mineral, I think" said Alice.
134 THE MOCK
"Of course it is," said the Duchess, who
seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice
said; "there's a large mustard-mine near here.
And the moral of that is — 'The more there is
of mine, the less there is of yours.' '
" Oh, I know ! " exclaimed Alice, who had
not attended to this last remark, " it's a vegetable.
It doesn't look like one, but it is."
"I quite agree with you," said the Duchess,
" and the moral of that is — 'Be what you would
seern to be ' — or, if you'd like it put more
simply — 'Never imagine yourself not to be
otherwise than what it might appear to others
that what you were or might have been was
not otherwise than what you had been would
have appeared to them to be otherwise.' '
"I think I should understand that better,"
Alice said very politely, "if I had it written
down: but I can't quite follow it as you sa^
it."
"That's nothing to what I could say if I
chose," the Duchess replied in a pleased tone.
TURTLE'S STORY. 135
"Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any
longer than that/' said Alice.
"Oh, don't talk about trouble!" said the
Duchess. "I make you a present of every
thing I've said as yet."
"A cheap sort of present!" thought Alice.
"I'm glad they don't give birthday presents
like that!" But she did not venture to say it
out loud.
"Thinking again?" the Duchess asked, with
another dig of her sharp little chin.
"I've a right to think," said Alice sharply,
for she was beginning to feel a little worried.
" Just about as much right," said the Duchess,
"as pigs have to fly: and the m — "
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the
Duchess' voice died away, even in the middle
of her favorite word 'moral,' and the arm
that was linked into hers began to tremble.
Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in
front of them, with her arms folded, frowning
like a thunderstorm.
136 THE MOCK
WA fine day, your Majesty!" the Duchess
began in a low, weak voice.
w Now, I give you fair warning," shouted the
Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke;
"either you or your head must be off, and that
in about half no time ! Take your choice ! "
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone
in a moment.
•»
"Let's go on with the game," the Queen
said to Alice, and Alice was too much frightened
to say a word, but slowly followed her back to
the croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of
the Queen's absence, and were resting in the
shade: however, the moment they saw her, they
hurried back to the game, the Queen merely
remarking that a moment's delay would cost
them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen
never left off quarrelling with the other players?
and shouting "Off with his head!" or "Off
with her head!" Those whom she sentenced
TURTLE'S STORY. 13?
were taken into custody by the soldiers, who
of course had to leave off being arches to do
this, so that by the end of half an hour or so
there were no arches left, and all the players,
except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in
custody, and under sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath,
and said to Alice, "Have you seen the Mock
Turtle yet?"
" No," said Alice. " I don't even know what
a Mock Turtle is."
"It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made
from," said the Queen.
" I never saw one, or heard of one," said Alice.
" Come on, then," said the Queen, " and he
shall tell you his history."
As they walked off together, Alice heard the
King say in a low voice, to the company gener
ally, c' You are all pardoned." " Come, that? s a
good thing!" she said to herself, for she had
felt quite unhappy at the number of executions
the Queen had ordered.
THE MOCK
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying
fast asleep in tho sun. (If you don't know what
a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) " Up, lazy
thing ! " said the Queen, " and take this young
lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his
history. I must go back and see after some
executions I have ordered;" and she walked off?
leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice
did not quite like the look of the creature, but
on the whole she thought it would be quite as
TURTLE'S STORY. 139
safe to stay with it as to go after that savage
Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up anal rubbed its eyes :
then it watched the Queen till she was out of
sight : then it chuckled. :c What fun ! " said the
Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
"What is the fun?" said Alice.
"Why, she," said the Gryphon. "It's all her
fancy, that : they never executes nobody, you
know. Come on ! "
"Everybody says 'come on!' here," thought
Alice, as she went slowly after it : "I never was
so ordered about before in all my life, never ! "
They had not gone far before they saw the
Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and
lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they
came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as
if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply.
wWhat is his sorrow?" she asked the Gryphon?
and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the
same words as before, " It's all his fancy, that :
he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on! *
140 THE MOCK
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who
looked at them with large eyes full of tears?
but said nothing.
"This here young lady," said the Gryphon,
"she wants for to know your history, she do."
"I'll tell it her," said the Mock Turtle in a
deep, hollow tone: "sit down both of you, and
don't speak a word till I've finished."
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some
minutes. Alice thought to herself, " I don't see
how he can ever finish, if he doesn't begin."
But she waited patiently.
"Once," said the Mock Turtle at last, with
a deep sigh, " I was a real Turtle."
These words were followed by a very long
silence, broken only by an occasional exclama
tion of "Hjckrrh!" from the Gryphon, and the
constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle.
Alice was very nearly getting up and saying,
" Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,"
but she could not help thinking there must be
more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.
TURTLE'S STORY.
141
''When we were little," the Mock Turtle
went on at last, more calmly, though still sob
bing a little now and then, " we went to school
in the sea. The master was an old Turtle — we
used to call him Tortoise — "
142 THE MOCK
" Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't
one?" Alice asked.
"We called him Tortoise because he taught
us," said the Mock Turtle angrily; "really you
are very dull ! "
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself for
asking such a simple question/' added the
Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and
looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink
into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to
the Mock Turtle, " Drive on, old fellow ! Don't
be all day about it!" and he went on in these
words.
'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though
you mayn't believe it — "
" I never said I didn't ! " interrupted Alice.
"You did," said the Mock Turtle.
" Hold your tongue ! " added the Gryphon5
before Alice could speak again. The Mock
Turtle went on.
:? We had the best of educations — in fact, we
went to school every day — "
TURTLE'S STORX". 143
** I've been to a day-school too," said Alice;
*you needn't be so proud as all that."
"With extras?" asked the Mock Turtle a
little anxiously.
"Yes," said Alice, "we learned French and
music."
" And washing ? " said the Mock Turtle.
" Certainly not ! " said Alice indignantly.
" Ah ! Then yours wasn't a really good school,"
said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief.
"Now at ours they had at the end of the bill,
'French, music, and washing — extra.'*
' You couldn't have wanted it much," said
Alice; "living at the bottom of the sea."
" I couldn't afford to learn it," said the Mock
Turtle with a sigh. "I only took the regular
course."
* What was that ? " enquired Alice.
"Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin
with," the Mock Turtle replied : " and then the
different branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Dis
traction, Uglification, and Derision."
144 THE MOCK
" I never heard of ? Uglification.9 " Alice ven
tured to say. " What is it ? "
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in sur-
prise. " Never heard of uglifying ! " it exclaimed.
* You know what to beautify is, I suppose ? "
"Yes," said Alice, doubtfully: "it means —
to — make — anything — prettier."
:<r Well then," the Gryphon went on, "if you
don't know what to uglify is, you are a
simpleton."
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any
more questions about it, so she turned to the
Mock Turtle, and said, " What else had you to
learn?"
"Well, there was Mystery," the Mock Turtle
replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, —
" Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography :
then Drawling — the Drawling-master was an old
conger-eel, that used to come once a week: he
taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in
Coils."
" What was that like ? " said Alice.
TURTLE'S STORY. 145
w Well, I can't show it you, myself," the Mock
Turtle said: "I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon
never learnt it."
"Hadn't time," said the Gryphon: "I went
to the Classical master, though. He was an
old crab, he was."
"I never went to him," the Mock Turtle
said with a sigh: "he taught Laughing and
Grief, they used to say."
" So he did, so he did," said the Gryphon,
sighing in his turn, and both creatures hid their
faces in their paws.
"And how many hours a day did you do
lessons ? " said Alice, in a hurry to change the
subject.
"Ten hours the first day," said the Mock
Turtle: "nine the next, and so on."
* What a curious plan! " exclaimed Alice.
' That's the reason they're called lessons,"
the Gryphon remarked: "because they lessen
from day to day."
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she
10
146 THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY.
thought it over a little before she made her next
remark. ".Then the eleventh day must have
been a holiday?"
" Of course it was," said the Mock Turtle.
" And how did you manage on the twelfth ? "
Alice went on eagerly.
" That's enough about lessons," the Gryphon
interrupted in a very decided tone: "tell hei
something about the games now."
CHAPTER X.
THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE.
THE Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew
the back of one flapper across his eyes. He
looked at Alice and tried to speak, but for a
minute or two sobs choked his voice. "Same
as if he had a bone in his throat," said the
Gryphon, and it set to work shaking him
and punching him in the back. At last the
Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
running down his cheeks, he went on again: — -
*You may not have lived much under the
sea — " (" I haven't," said Alice) — " and perhaps
you were never even introduced to a lobster — "
A48 THE LOBSTER
(Alice began to say "I once tasted — " but
checked herself hastily, and said, "No, never") —
"so you can have no idea what a delightful thing
a Lobster-Quadrille is ! "
" No, indeed," said Alice. * What sort of a
dance is it?"
*Why," said the Gryphon, "you first form
into a line along the seashore — -"
" Two lines ! " cried the Mock Turtle. " Seals,
turtles, salmon, and so on: then, when you've
cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way — "
" That generally takes some time," inter
rupted the Gryphon.
"-—you advance twice — "
"Each with a lobster as a partner!" cried
the Gryphon.
" Of course," the Mock Turtle said: " advance
twice, set to partners — "
" - — change lobsters, and retire in same order,"
continued the Gryphon.
"Then, you know," the Mock Turtle went
on, "you throw the — "
QUADRILLE. 149
* The lobsters ! " shouted the Gryphon, with
a bound into the air.
" — as far out to sea as you can — "
" Swim after them ! " screamed the Gryphon.
* Turn a somersault in the sea ! " cried the
Mock Turtle, capering wildly about.
" Change lobsters again ! " yelled the Gryphon
at the top of its voice.
" Back to land again, and — that's all the first
figure," said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping
his voice, and the two creatures, who had been
jumping about like mad things all this time,
sat down again very sadly and quietly, and
looked at Alice.
" It must be a very pretty dance," said Alice
timidly.
"Would you like to see a little of it?" said
the Mock Turtle.
'' Very much indeed," said Alice.
"Come, let's try the first figure!" said the
Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. :'We can do it
without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?"
150
THE LOBSTER
"Oh, you sing," said the Gryphon. "I've
forgotten the words."
So they began solemnly dancing round and
round Alice, every now and then treading on
her toes when they passed too close, and waving
their fore-paws to mark the time, while the
Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly : — •
QUADRILLE. 151
you walk a little faster I" said a whiting to a
snail,
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading
on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance !
They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and
join the dance ?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you
join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you
join the dance?
" You can really have no notion how delightful it will
be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters,
out to seal ''
But the snail replied K Too far, too far!" and gave a
look askance —
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not
join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would
not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could
not join the dance.
152 THE LOBSTER
w What matters it how far we go ? " his scaly friend
replied,
w There is another shore, you know, upon the other side*
The further off from England the nearer is to France •
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the
dance.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you Join
the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you
Join the dance ?"
" Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to
watch," said Alice, feeling very glad that it was
over at last ; " and I do so like that curious
song about the whiting ! "
" Oh, as to the whiting," said the Mock
Turtle, "they — you've seen them, of course ? 5?
"Yes," said Alice, "I've often seen them at
dinii— " she checked herself hastily.
" I don't know where Dinn may be," said
the Mock Turtle, " but if you've seen them so
often, of course you know what they're like."
'< I believe so," Alice replied thoughtfully-
QUADRILLE. 153
wThey have their tails in their mouths; — and
they're all over crumbs."
* You're wrong about the crumbs," said the
Mock Turtle: "crumbs would all wash off in
the sea. But they have their tails in their
mouths; and the reason is — " here the Mock
Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. — "Tell her
about the reason and all that," he said to the
Gryphon.
" The reason is," said the Gryphon, " that
they would go with the lobsters to the dance.
So they got thrown out to sea. So they had
to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast
in their mouths. So they couldn't get them
out again. That's all."
"Thank you," said Alice, "it's very interest
ing. I never knew so much about a whiting
before."
" I can tell you more than that, if you like,"
said the Gryphon. "Do you know why it's
called a whiting?"
"I never thought about it," said Alice.
154 THE LOBSTER
" It does the boots and shoes" the Gryphon
replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. " Does the
boots and shoes ! " she repeated in a wonder
ing tone.
:?"Why, what are your shoes done with?"
said the Gryphon. "I mean, what makes them
so shiny?"
Alice looked down at them, and considered
a little before she gave her answer " They're
done with blacking, I believe."
"Boots and shoes under the sea," the Gry
phon went on in a deep voice, "are done with
whiting. ]STow you know."
"And what are they made of?" Alice asked
in a tone of great curiosity.
" Soles and eels, of course," the Gryphon
replied rather impatiently: "any shrimp could
have told you that."
"If I'd been the whiting," said Alice, whose
thoughts were still running on the song, "I'd
have said to the porpoise, 'Keep back, please:
we don't want vou with us ! ' "
'
QUADRILLE. 155
" They were obliged to have him with them,"
the Mock Turtle said: "no wise fish would go
anywhere without a porpoise."
''Wouldn't it really?" said Alice in a tone
of great surprise.
"Of course not," said the Mock Turtle:
"why, if a fish came to me, and told me he
was going a journey, I should say 'With wha
Dorpoise ? ' :
"Don't you mean ' purpose?'" said Alice.
"I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle re
plied in an offended tone. And the Gryphon
added " Come, let's hear some of your adven
tures."
" I could tell you my adventures — beginning
from this morning," said Alice a little timidly:
"but it's no use going back to yesterday,
because I was a different person then."
w Explain all that," said the Mock Turtle.
" No, no ! the adventures first," said the
Gryphon in an impatient tone: "explanations
take such a dreadful time."
156 THE LOBSTER
So Alice began telling them her adventures
from the time when she first saw the White
Rabbit: she was a little nervous about it just at
first, the two creatures got so close to her, one
on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths
so very wide, but she gained courage as she
went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet
till she got to the part about her repeating
" You are old,, Father William" to the Cater
pillar, and the words all coming different, and
then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and
said, " That's very curious."
"It's all about as curious as it can be," said
the Gryphon.
"It all came different!" the Mock Turtle
repeated thoughtfully. "I should like to hear
her try and repeat something now. Tell her
to begin." He looked at the Gryphon as if he
thought it had some kind of authority over
Alice.
"Stand up and repeat *'Tis the voice of ihe
sluggard?" said the Gryphon.
QUADRILLE.
157
?! How the creatures
order one about, and
make one repeat les
sons I "thought Alice.
" I might just as well
be at school at once."
However, she got up,
and began to repeat
it, but her head was
so full of the Lob
ster-Quadrille, that
she hardly knew what
she was saying, and
the words came very \
queer indeed : —
"Tis the voice of the lobster; I heard him declare,
* You have baked me too brown, 1 must sugar my hair.1
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes*
"That's different from what I used to saj
when I was a child," said the Gryphon.
158 THE LOBSTER
" Well, I never heard it before," said the Mock
Turtle; "but it sounds uncommon nonsense."
Alice said nothing: she had sat down again
with her face in her hands, wondering if any
thing would ever happen in a natural way
again.
" I should like to have it explained," said the
Mock Turtle.
"She can't explain it," said the Gryphon
hastily. " Go on with the next verse."
"But about his toes?" the Mock Turtle
persisted. "How could he turn them out with
his nose, you know?"
"It's the first position in dancing," Alice
said; but she was dreadfully puzzled by the
whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
"Go on with the next verse," the Gryphon
repeated impatiently: "it begins ' I passed by
his garden.77
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she
felt sure it would all come wrong, and she went
on in a trembling voice : —
QUADRILLE. 159
w / passed by his garden, and marked^ with one eye,
How the owl and the oyster were sharing the pie — • "
:f What is the use of repeating all that stuff,"
the Mock Turtle interrupted, " if you don't ex
plain it as you go on? It's by far the most con
fusing thing / ever heard ! "
•'Yes, I think you'd better leave off," said
the Gryphon, and Alice was only too glad to
do so.
w Shall we try another figure of the Lobster-
Quadrille?" the Gryphon went on. "Or would
you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?"
" Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would
be so kind," Alice replied, so eagerly that the
Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, " Hm !
No accounting for tastes! Sing her * Turtle
Soup,' will you, old fellow?"
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began,
in a voice sometimes choked with sobs, to sing
this : —
160 THE LOBSTER
w Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop f
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop!
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop!
Sco — oop of the e — e — evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
* Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish 5
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two p
enny worth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop!
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop!
Soo — oop of the e — e — evening,
Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!"
* Chorus again!" cried the Gryphon, and the
Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when
QUADRILLE. 161
a cry of w The trial's beginning ! " was heard in
the distance.
" Come on ! " cried the Gryphon, and, taking
Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without wait
ing for the end of the song.
*"What trial is it?" Alice panted as she ran,
but the Gryphon only answered " Come on ! "
and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
came, carried on the breeze tnat followed them,
the melancholy words : —
" tioo — oop of the e — e — evening*
Beautiful, beautiful Soup?"
CHAPTER XL
WHO STOLE THE TARTS ?
THE King and Queen of Hearts were seated
on their throne when they arrived, with a great
crowd assembled about them — all sorts of little
birds and beasts, as we!1 as the whole pack of
cards: the Knave was standing before them,
in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit,
with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of
parchment in the other. In the very middle
of the court was a table, with a large dish of
WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 163
tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it
made Alice quite hungry to look at them — "I
wish they'd get the trial done," she thought,
" and hand round the refreshments ! " But there
seemed to be no chance of this, so she began
looking at everything about her to pass away
the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice
before, but she had read about them in books,
and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
the name of nearly everything there. "That's
the judge," she said to herself, " because of his
great wig."
The judge, by the way, was the King, and
as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at
the frontispiece if you want to see how he did
it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it
was certainly not becoming.
"And that's the jury-box," thought Alice,
" and those twelve creatures," (she was obliged
to say " creatures," you see, because some of
them were animals, and some were birds,) WT
164 WHO STOLE
suppose they are the jurors." She said this
last word two or three times over to herself,
being rather proud of it: for she thought, and
rightly too, that very few little girls of her age
knew the meaning of it at all. However, "jury
men" would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very
busily on slates. "What are they doing?" Alice
whispered to the Gryphon. :? They can't have
an}^thing to put down yet, before the trial's
begun."
"They're putting down their names," the
Gryphon whispered in reply, "for fear they
should forget them before the end of the trial."
"Stupid things!" Alice began in a loud
indignant voice, but she stopped herself hastily,
for the White Kabbit cried out, " Silence in the
court ! " and the King put on his spectacles and
looked anxiously round, to make out who was
talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were look
ing over their shoulders, that all the jurors were
THE TARTS? 165
writing down w stupid things ! " on their slates,
and she could even make out that one of them
didn't know how to spell w stupid," and that he
had to ask his neighbor to tell him. "A nice
muddle their slates '11 be in before the trial's
over!" thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked.
This, of course, Alice could not stand, and she
went round the court and got behind him, and
veiy soon found an opportunity of taking it
away. She did it so quickly that the poor
little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not
make out at all what had become of it; so,
after hunting all about for it, he was obliged
to write with one finger for the rest of the
day; and this wras of very little use, as it left
no mark on the slate.
"Herald, read the accusation!" said the
King.
On this the White Kabbit blew three blasts
on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parch
ment scroll, and read as follows: —
WHO STOLE
* The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts*
All on a summer day :
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts ,
And took them quite away!"
« Consider your verdict," the King said to
the jury.
THE TARTS? 167
"JSTot yet, not yet!" the Babbit hastily in
terrupted. " There's a great deal to come before
that!"
"Call the first witness," said the King; and
the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the
trumpet, and called out, " First witness ! "
The first witness was the Hatter. He came
in with a teacup in one hand, and a piece of
bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg pardon,
your Majesty," he began, "for bringing these
in: but I hadn't quite finished my tea when
I was sent for."
" You ought to have finished," said the King.
"When did you begin?"
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who
had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm
with the Dormouse. "Fourteenth of March, I
think it was," he said.
"Fifteenth," said the March Hare.
" Sixteenth," added the Dormouse.
* Write that down," the King said to the
jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three
168 WHO STOLE
dates on their slates, and then added them up,
and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
"Take off your hat," the King said to the
Hatter.
"It isn't mine," said the Hatter.
"Stolen!" the King exclaimed, turning to
the jury, who instantly made a memorandum
of the fact.
"I keep them to sell," the Hatter added as
an explanation: "I've none of my own. I'm
a hatter."
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and
began staring hard at the Hatter, who turned
pale and fidgeted.
"Give your evidence," said the King; "and
don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on
the spot."
This did not seem to encourage the witness
at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the
other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
his confusion he bit a large piece out of his
teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
THE TARTS? 169
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious
sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until
she made out what it was: she was beginning
to gro~# larger again, and she thought at first
she would get up and leave the court; but on
second thoughts she decided to remain where/
she was as long as there was room for her. /
"I wish you wouldn't squeeze so," said thje
Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. " I can
hardly breathe."
"I can't help it," said Alice very meekly:
" I'm growing."
? You've no right to grow here" said the
Dormouse.
" Don't talk nonsense," said Alice more boldly:
" you know you're growing too."
:? Yes, but / grow at a reasonable pace," said
the Dormouse: "not in that ridiculous fashion."
And he got up very sulkily and crossed over
to the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left oft*
staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse
170
WHO STOLE
crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
of the court, " Bring me the list of the singers in
the last concert! " on which the wretched Hatter
trembled so, that he
shook both his shoes
off.
" Give your evi
dence," the King re
peated angrily, " or
I'll have you execu
ted, whether you're
nervous or not."
"I'm a poor man,
your Majesty," the
Hatter began in a
trembling voice, " and
I hadn't but just begun my tea — -not above
a week or so — and what with the bread-and-
butter getting so thin — and the twinkling of
the tea -"
"The twinkling of what?" said the King.
e? It began with the tea," the Hatter replied.
THE TARTS? 171
" Of course twinkling begins with a T ! " said
the King sharply. " Do you take me for a
dunce? Go on! "
" I'm a poor man," the Hatter went on, " and
most things twinkled after that — only the March
Hare said "
" I didn't ! " the March Hare interrupted in
a great hurry.
"You did!" said the Hatter.
" I deny it ! " said the March Hare.
"He denies it," said the King: "leave out
that part."
:cWell, at any rate, the Dormouse said — '' the
Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see
if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse
denied nothing, being fast asleep.
"After that," continued the Hatter, "I cut
some more bread-and-butter "
"But what did the Dormouse say? ".one of
he jury asked.
" That I can't remember," said the Hatter.
'You must remember," remarked the King,
wor I'll have vou executed."
172 WHO STOLE
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and
bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee.
"I'm a poor man, your Majesty," he began.
!C You're a very poor speaker" said the
King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was
immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will
just explain to you how it was done. They had
a large canvass bag, which tied up at the mouth
with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-
pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
"I'm glad I've seen that done," thought
Alice. "I've so often read in the newspapers,
at the end of trials, c There was some attempt
at applause, which was immediately suppressed
by the officers of the court,' and I never under
stood what it meant till now."
"If that's all you know about it, you may
stand down," continued the King.
"I can't go no lower," said the Hatter: "I'm
on the floor, as it is."
THE TARTS?
173
w Then you may sit down," the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was
suppressed.
w Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs ! " thought
Alice. w Now we shall get on better."
"I'd rather finish my tea," said the Hatter,
with an anxious look at the Queen, who was
reading the list of singers.
T You may go," said the King, and the Hatter
hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to
put his shoes on.
w and just take his head off outside," the
174 WHO STOLE
Queen added to one of the officers; but the
Hatter was out of sight before the officer could
get to the door.
" Call the next witness ! " said the King.
The next witness was the Duchess' cook.
She carried the pepper-box in her hand; and
Alice guessed who it was, even before she got
into the court, by the way the people near the
door began sneezing all at once.
w Give your evidence," said the King.
"Shan't," said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, w Your Majesty
must cross-examine this witness."
' Well, if I must, I must," the King said with
a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and
frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly
out of sight, he said in a deep voice, " What are
Larts made of ? "
" Pepper, mostly," said the cook.
K Treacle," said a sleepy voice behind her.
w Collar that Dormouse ! " the Queen shrieked
THE TARTS? 175
out. w Behead that Dormouse ! Turn that Dor
mouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him!
Off with his whiskers!"
For some minutes the whole court was in
confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and,
by the time they had settled down again, the
cook had disappeared.
" Never mind ! " said the King, with an air
of great relief. w Call the next witness." And
he added in an iinder-tone to the Queen,
"Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the
next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache ! "
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled
over the list, feeling very curious to see what
the next witness would be like, " — for they
haven't got much evidence yet" she said to
herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White
Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little
voice, the name " Alice ! "
CHAPTER XIL
ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
w HERE ! " cried Alice, quite forgetting in the
flurry of the moment how large she had grown
in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in
such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box
with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jury
men on to the heads of the crowd below, and
there they lay sprawling about, reminding her
very much of a globe of gold-fish she had
accidentally upset the week before.
w Oh, I beg your pardon ! " she exclaimed in
a tone of great dismay, and began picking them
up again as quickly as she could, for the acci-
ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
177
dent of the gold-fish kept running in her head,
and she had a vague sort of idea that they must
be collected at once and put back into the jury-
box, or they would die.
12
178 ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
w The trial cannot proceed," said the King in
*»
a very grave voice, " until all the jurymen are
back in their proper places — all" he repeated
with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as
he said so.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that,
in her haste, she had put the Lizard in head
downwards, and the poor little thing was waving
its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite
unable to move. She soon got it out again, and
put it right; "not that it signifies much," she
said to herself; "I should think it would be
quite as much use in the trial one way up as
the other."
As soon as the jury had a little recovered
from the shock of being upset, and their slates
and pencils had been found and handed back to
them, they set to work very diligently to write
out a history of the accident, all except the
Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing
up into the roof of the court.
ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 179
:'What do you know about this business?"
the King said to Alice.
"Nothing," said Alice.
"Nothing ivhatever?" persisted the King.
"Nothing whatever," said Alice.
:c That's very important," the King said, turn
ing to the jury. They were just beginning to
write this down on their slates, when the White
Rabbit interrupted : " ^important, your Majesty
means, of course," he said in a very respectful
tone, but frowning and making faces at him as
he spoke.
* ^important, of course, I meant," the King
hastily said, and went on to himself in an under
tone, " important — unimportant — unimportant —
important " as if he were trying which word
sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down " important,"
and some " unimportant." Alice could see this,
as she was near enough to look over their
slates ; " but it doesn't matter a bit," she thought
to herself.
180 ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
At this moment the King, who had been for
some time busily writing in his note-book, called
out " Silence ! " and read out from his book,
w Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile
high to leave the court"
Everybody looked at Alice.
" Pm not a mile high," said Alice.
* You are," said the King.
" Nearly two miles high," added the Queen.
:? Well, I shan't go, at any rate," said Alice;
w besides, that's not a regular rule : you invented
it just now."
"It's the oldest rule in the book," said the
King.
:? Then it ought to be Number One," said Alice.
The King turned pale, and shut his note
book hastily. "Consider your verdict," he said to
the jury, in a low trembling voice.
" There's more evidence to come yet, please
your Majesty," said the White Rabbit, jumping
up in a great hurry; "this paper has just been
picked up."
ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 181
"What's in it?" said the Queen.
"I haven't opened it yet," said the White
Rabbit, " but it seems to be a letter, written by
the prisoner to — to somebody."
"It must have been that," said the King,
"unless it was written to nobody, which isn't
usual, you know."
:cWho is it directed to?" said one of the
jurymen.
"It isn't directed at all," said the White
Rabbit ; " in fact, there's nothing written on the
outside" He unfolded the paper as he spoke,
and added, "It isn't a letter after all: it's a
set of verses."
"Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?"
asked another of the jurymen.
" No, they're not," said the White Rabbit,
" and that's the queerest thing about it." (The
jury all looked puzzled.)
"He must have imitated somebody else's
hand," said the King. (The jury all brightened
up again.)
182 ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
"Please your Majesty," said the Knave,
"I didn't write it, and they can't prove I did:
there's no name signed at the end."
"If you didn't sign it," said the King, "that
only makes the matter worse. You must have
meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed
your name like an honest man."
There was a general clapping of hands at
this: it was the first really clever thing the
King had said that day.
" That proves his guilt," said the Queen.
" It proves nothing of the sort ! " said Alice.
"Why, you don't even know what they're
about!"
"Read them," said the King.
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.
"Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?"
he asked.
"Begin at the beginning," the King said,
gravely, " and go on till you come to the end :
then stop."
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:—
ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 183
They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him :
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
( We know it to be true) :
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you ?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.
ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
A.n obstacle that catne between
Him, and ourselves, and it.
Don't let him know she liked them best9
for this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me"
w That's the most important piece of evidence
we've heard yet," said the King, rubbing" his
hands; so now let the jury - "
vjf any one of them can explain it," said
Alice, (she had grown so large in the last few
minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupt
ing him,) " I'll give him sixpence. I don't
believe there's an atom of meaning in it."
The jury all wrote down on their slates, *
doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in
ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 38$
it," but none of them attempted to explain the
paper.
" If there's no meaning in it," said the King,
''that saves a world of trouble, you know, as
we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't
know," he went on, spreading out the verses
on his knee, and looking at them with one
eye; "I seem to see some meaning in them,
after all. * — said I could not swim — ' you can't
swim, can you?" he added, turning to the
Knave.
The Knave shook his head sadly. "Do I
look like it ? " he said. (Which he certainly
did not, being made entirely of cardboard.)
"All right, so far," said the King, and he
went on muttering over the verses to himself:
* We know it to be true — ' that's the jury, of
courso — * I gave her one, they gave him two — '
why, that must be what he did with the tarts,
you know — "
" But it goes on ' they all returned from him
to you,7 " said Alice.
186
ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
< "Why, there they
are ! " said the King
triumphantly, pointing
to the tarts on the
table. w Nothing can be
clearer than that. Then
again— ? before she had
this fit — 9 you never
had fits, my dear, I
think ? " he said to the
Queen.
" Never ! " said the
Queen furiously, throw
ing an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke.
(The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing
on his slate with one finger, as he found it made
ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 187
no mark; but he now hastily began again, using
the ink, that was trickling down his face, as
long as it lasted.)
" Then the words don't fit you," said the
King, looking round the court with a smile.
There was a dead silence.
* It's a pun ! " the King added in an angry
tone, and everybody laughed. "Let the jury
consider their verdict," the King said, for about
the twentieth time that day.
" No, no ! " said the Queen. " Sentence first
— verdict afterwards."
" Stuff and nonsense ! " said Alice loudly.
" The idea of having the eentence first ! "
"Hold your tongue!" said the Queen, turn
ing purple.
* I won't ! " said Alice.
"Off with her head!" the Queen shouted at
the top of her voice. Nobody moved.
:'Who cares for you?" said Alice, (she had
grown to her full size by this liraeO " You're
nothing but a pack of cards ! "'
188
ALICE'S EVIDENCE.
At this the whole pack rose up into the air,
and came flying down upon her; she gave a
ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 189
Uttle scream, half of fright and half of anger,
and tried to beat them off, and found herself
lying 011 the bank, with her head in the lap of
her sister, who was gently brushing away some
dead leaves that had fluttered down from the
trees on to her face.
:?Wake up, Alice dear!" said her sister;
w why, what a long sleep you've had ! "
"Oh, I've had such a curious dream!" said
Alice, and she told her sister, as well as she
could remember them, all these strange Ad
ventures of hers that you have just been read
ing about; and when she had finished, her sis
ter kissed her, and said, "It was a curious
dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your
tea; it's getting late." So Alice got up and
ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she
might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
190
But her sister sat still just as she left her,
leaning her head on her hand, watching the
setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all
her wonderful Adventures, till she too began
dreaming after a fashion, and this was her
dream : —
First, she dreamed of little Alice herself: —
once again the tiny hands were clasped upon
her knee, and the bright eager eyes were look
ing up into hers — she could hear the very tones
of her voice,^ and see that queer little toss of
her head, to keep back the wandering hair that
would always get into her eyes — and still as
she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole
place around her became alive with the strange
creatures of her little sister's dream.
191
The long grass rustled at her feet as the
White Rabbit hurried by — the frightened Mouse
splashed his way through the neighboring pool
-—she could hear the rattle of the teacups as
the March Hare and his friends shared their
never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the
Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to
execution — once more the pig-baby was sneezing
on the Duchess' knee, while plates and dishes
crashed around it — once more the shriek of the
Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's slate-
pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-
pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant
sob of the miserable Mock Turtle.
So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half
believed herself in Wonderland, though she
knew she had but to open them again and all
would change to dull reality — the grass would
be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rip
pling to the waving of the reeds — the rattling
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells,
and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the
192
I
shepherd boy — and the sneeze of the baby, the
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer
noises, would change (she knew) to the con
fused clamor of the busy farm-yard — while the
lowing of the cattle in the distance would take
the place of the Mock Turtle's heavy sobs.
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same
little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be
herself a grown woman; and how she would
keep, through all her riper years, the simple and
loving heart of her childhood: and how she
would gather about her other little children, and
make their eyes bright and eager with many a
strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of
Wonderland of long-ago: and how she would
feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a
pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering
her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
THE END.
THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS,
AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE.
DRAMATIS PERSONA
(As arranged before commencement
WHITS.
RED.
mom
PAWNS.
PAWNS.
PIEOU8
. Daisy.
Daisy .
. . Humpty Dunurty
Unicorn
. Haigha.
Messenger
. . Carpenter.
Sheep . ....
Oyster
Oyster
Walrus.
W. Queen
"Lily "
Tiger-lily
R. Queen.
W. King
Fawn
Rose . .
R. King.
A.gcd inan . . . . .
. Oyster.
Oyster . .
. . Crow.
\V. Knight ....
. Hatta.
Fro<» .
. . R. Knight.
Tweedledum .
. Daisy.
Daisy .
. Lion.
RED.
W II I T E.
White Pawn (Alice) to play, and win in eleven moves.
PAGE
1. Alice meets R.Q. . 35
2. Alice through Q.'s 3d
(by railway] ... 48
to Q.'s 4th (Tweedle
dum and Tweed ledee) 54
3. Alice meets W. Q.
(with shawl) ... 91
4. Alice to Q.'s 5th
(shop, river, shop). . 101
5. Alice to Q.'s 6th
(Humpty Dumpty] . 112
6. Alice toQ.'s7th(>m-/) 155
7. W.Kt. takes R. Kt. . 161
8. Alice to Q.'s ^(coro
nation*) 183
9. Alice becomes Queen 196
10. Alice castles (feast). 204
11. Alice takes R.Q. &
wins 215
PAGB
1. R.Q. to K. R.'s 4th. 45
2. W. Q. to Q. B.'s 4th
(after shawl) ...91
3. W. Q, to Q, B.'s 5th
(becomes sheep) . .100
4. W.Q. to K. B.'s 8th
(leaves egg on shelf) 1 1 1
5. W. Q. to Q. B.'s 8th
(flying from R. Kt) 149
6. R.Kt.toK.'s2nd(ch) 158
7. W.-Kt. to K. B.'s 5th 182
8. R. Q. to K.'s sq. (ex
amination) . . .186
9. Queens castle. . . 199
10. W. Q. to Q. R. 6th
211
THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS,
AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE
BY
LEWIS CARROLL,.
AUTHOR ov "ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND."
WITH FIFTY ILLUSTRATIONS
B T JOHN TENNIEL.
FIFTIETH THOUSAND.
fonboit tfc Stto goth:
MACMILLAN AND CO.
1894.
[The Eight of Translation and Reproduction is Reserved.]
CHILD of the pure unclouded brow
And dreaming eyes of wonder !
fhough time be fleet, and I and thos
Are half a life asunder,
Thy loving smile will surely hail
The love-gift of a fairy-tale.
[ have not seen thy sunny face,
NOT heard thy silver laughter;
No thought of me shall find a placa
In thy young life's hereafter
Enough that now thou wilt not fail
To listen to my fairy-tale.
A tale begun in other days,
When summer suns were glowing
A simple chime, that served to time
The rhythm of our rowing
Whose echoes live in memory yet,
Though envious years would say * forget
Come, hearken then, ere voice of dread,
With bitter tidings laden,
Shall summon to unwelcome bed
A melancholy maiden !
We are but older children, dear,
Who fret to find our bedtime newr.
Without, the frost, the blinding snow,
The storm-wind's moody madness •
Within, the firelight's ruddy glow
And childhood's nest of gladness.
The magic words shall hold thee fast:
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast.
And though the shadow of a sigh
May tremble through the story,
For ' happy summer days ' gone by,
And vanish'd summer glory
It shall not touch with breath of ha/£
Tho pleasauce of our
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER. v PAGE.
I. LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE 1
II. THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS 26
III. LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS 46
IV. TWEEDLEDUM A> D TWEEDLEDEE 66
V. WOOL AND WATER 91
VI. IIUMPTY DUMPTY 113
VII. THE LION AND THE UNICORN 137
vin. "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION" 157
IX. qUEEV ALICE 185
X. SHAKING 215
XT. WAKING 216
XII. WHICH DREAMED IT? ........... ° • 218
CHAPTER I.
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
ONE thing was certain, that the white kitten
had had nothing to do with it : it was the
black kitten's fault entirely. For the white kitten
had been having its face washed by the old
cat for the last quarter of an hour (and bearing
it pretty well, considering) ; so you see that it
couldn't have had any hand in the mischiet
B
2 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
The way Dinah washed her children's facea
was this: first she held the poor thing down
by its ear with one paw, and then with the
other paw she rubbed its face all over, the
wrong way, beginning at the nose : and just
now, as I said, she was hard at work on the
white kitten, which was lying quite still and
trying to purr no doubt feeling that it waa
all meant for its good.
But the black kitten had been finished with
earlier in the afternoon, and so, while Alice was
sitting curled up in a corner of the great arm
chair, half talking to herself and half asleep,
the kitten had been having a grand game of
romps with the ball of worsted Alice had been
trying to wind up, and had been rolling it
up and down till it had all come undone again ,
and there it was, spread over the hearth-rug,
all knots and tangles, with the kitten running
after its own tail in the middle.
" Oh, you wicked wicked little thing ! " cried
Alice, catching up the kitten and giving it a
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 8
little kiss to make it understand that it was in
disgrace. " Really, Dinah ought to have taught
you better manners ! You ought, Dinah, you
know you ought!" she added, looKing reproach
fully at the old cat, and speaking in as cross
a voice as she could manage and then she
scrambled back into the arm-chair, taking the
kitten and the worsted with her, and began
winding up the ball again. But she didn't get
on very fast, as she was talking all the time,
sometimes to the kitten, and sometimes to herself.
Kitty sat very demurely on her knee, pretending
to watch the progress of the winding, and now
and then putting out one paw and gently touching
the ball, as if it would be glad to help if it might.
" Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty ? "
Alice began. " You'd have guessed if you'd
been up in the window with me only Dinah
was making you tidy, so you couldn't. I was
watching the boys getting in sticks for the bon
fire and it wants plenty of sticks, Kitty I
Only it got so cold, and it snowed so, they
» LOOKING &LASS HOUSE.
had to leave off. Never mind, Kitty, we'll go
and see the bonfire to-morrow." Here Alice
wound two or three turns of the worsted
round the kitten's neck, just to see how it
woulc1 look : this led to a scramble, in which
the ball rolled down upon the floor, and yards
and yards of it got unwound again.
" Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty," Alice
went on, as soon as they were comfortably
settled again, " when I saw all the mischief you
had been doing, I was very nearly opening the
window, and putting you out into the snow I
And you'd have deserved it, you little mis
chievous darling ! What have you got to say
for yourself"? Now don't interrupt me!" she
went on, holding up one finger. " I 'm going
to tell you all your faults. Number one : you
squeaked twice while Dinah was washing your
face this morning. Now you can't deny it,
Kitty : I heard you ! What's that you say ? "
(pretending that the kitten was speaking.) "Her
paw went into your eye ? Well, that's youi
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
fault, for keeping your eyes open — if you'd shut
them tight up, it wouldn't have happened. Now
don't make any more excuses, but listen 1 Num-
6 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
ber two : you pulled Snowdrop away by the
tail just as I had put down the saucer of mill?
before her ! What, you were thirsty, were you ?
How do you know she wasn't thirsty too ?
Now for number three : you unwound every
bit of the worsted while I wasn't looking !
"That's three faults, Kitty, and you've not
been punished for any of them yet. You know
I'm saving up all your punishments for Wednes
day week Suppose they had saved up all
my punishments ! " she went on, talking more
to herself than the kitten. "What would they
do at the end of a year \ I should be sent
to prison, I suppose, when the day came.
Or let me see suppose each punishment
was to be going without a dinner : then, when
the miserable day came, 1 should have to go
without fifty dinners at once ! Well, I shouldn't
mind that much I I'd far rather go without
them than eat them !
"Do you hear the snow against the window-
panes, Kitty ? How nice and soft it sounds 1
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
Just as if some one was kissing the window all
over outside. I wonder if the snow loves the
trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently ?
And then it covers them up snug, you know,
with a white quilt ; and perhaps it says, * Go to
v sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again/
And when they wake up in the summer, Kitty,
they dress themselves all in green, and dance
about -whenever the wind blows — - oh,**
that's very pretty ! " cried Alice, dropping the
ball of worsted to clap her hands. " And ]
do so wish it was true ! I 'm sure the woods
look sleepy in the autumn, when the leaves
are getting brown.
" Kitty, can you play chess ? Now, don't smile,
my dear, I'm asking it seriously. Because, when
we were playing just now, you watched just as
if you understood it : and when I said *' Check ! ;
you purred ! Well, it was a nice check, Kitty,
and really I might have won, if it hadn't been
for that nasty Knight, that came wriggling down
among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let's pretend—
8 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
And here I wish I could tell you half the
things Alice used to say, beginning with her
favourite phrase " Let's pretend.'' She had had
quite a long argument with her sister only the
day before — all because Alice had begun with
" Let's pretend we're kings and queens;" and her
sister, who liked being very exact, had argued
chat they couldn't, because there were only two
of them, and Alice had been reduced at last to
say, "Well, you can be one of them then, and
I'll be all the rest." And once she had really
frightened her old nurse by shouting suddenly
in her ear, " Nurse ! Do let's pretend that I'm
a hungry hyaena, and you're a bone ! "
But this is taking us away from Alice's
speech to the kitten. "Let's pretend that you're
the Red Queen, Kitty ! Do you know, I think if
you sat up and folded your arms, you'd Jook
exactly like her. Now do try, there's a dear ! "
And Alice got the Red Queen off the table, and
set it up before the kitten as a model for it to
imitate : however, the thing didn't succeed, prin-
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. I
cipall/, Alice said, because the kitten wouldn't
fold its arms properly. So, to punish it, she held
it up to the Looking-glass, that it might see how
sulky it was " and if you're not good directly,"
she added, "I'll put you through into Looking-
glass House. How would you like that ?
"Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, and not
talk so much, I'll tell you all my ideas about
Looking-glass House. First, there's the room you
can see through the glass that's just the same
ns our drawing-room, only the things go the
other way. I can see all of it when 1 get upon
a chair all but the bit just behind the fire
place Oh ! I do so wish I could see that bit !
I want so much to know whether they've a
fire in the winter : you never can tell, you
know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke
comes up in that room too— —but that may be
only pretence, just to make it look as if they
had a fire. Well then, the books are something
like our books, only the words go the wrong
way ; I know that, because I've held up one oJ
C
10 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
our books to the glass, and then they hold up
one in the other room.
"How would you like to live in Looking-
glass House, Kitty ? I wonder if they'd give
you milk in there 1 Perhaps Looking-glass milk
isn't good to drink— —But oh, Kitty ! now we
come to the passage. You can just see a little
peep of the passage in Looking-glass House, if
you leave the door of our drawing-room wide
open : and it's very like our passage as far as
you can see, only you know it may be quite
different on beyond. Oh, Kitty ! how nice it
would be if we could only get through into
Looking-glass House ! I 'm sure it 's got, oh !
such beautiful things in it ! Let 's pretend there 's
a way of getting through into it, somehow,
Kitty. Let's pretend the glass has got all soft
like gauze, so that we can get through. Why,
it's turning into a sort of mist now, 1 declare!
It'll be easy enough to get through— She
was up ou the chimney-piece while she said
this, though she hardly knew how she had got
LOOKING -GLASS HOUSE.
11
(here. And certainly the glass was beginning
lo melt away, just like a bright silvery mist.
In another moment Alice was through the
LOOK TVG -GLASS HOUSE.
glass, and had jumped lightly down into the
Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did
was to look whether there *vas a tire in the
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 18
fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find that
there was a real one, blazing away as brightly
as the one she had left behind. "So I shall IHJ
as warm here as I was in the old room/' thought
Alice: "warmer, in fact, because there'll be no
one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh,
what fun it'll be, when they see me through
the glass in here, and can't get at me ! "
Then she began looking about, and noticed
that what could be seen from the old room
was quite common and uninteresting, but that
all the rest was as different as possible. For
instance, the pictures on the wall next the fire
seemed to be all alive, and the very clock OD
the chimney-piece (you know you can only sec
the back of it in the Looking-glass) had got
the face of a little old man, and grinned at her.
" They don't keep this room so tidy as the
other/' Alice thought to herself, as she noticed
several of the chessmen down in the hearth
among the cinders : but in another moment, with
a little " Oh 1 " of surprise, she was down on hei
14 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
hands and knees watching them. The chessmer
were walking about, two and two !
" Here are the Red King and the Red
Queen," Alice said (in a whisper, for fear oi
frightening them), "and there are the White
King and the White Queen sitting on the edge
of the shovel and here are two Castles walk
ing arm in arm— —I don't think they can
hear me," she went on as she put her head
BOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. Ifl
closer down, "and I'm nearly sure they can't
see me. I feel somehow as if I were in
visible-
Here something began squeaking on the table
behind Alice, and made her turn her head just
in time to see one of the White Pawns roll
over and begin kicking : she watched it with
great curiosity to see what would happen next.
"It is the voice of my child!" the AYhite
Queen cried out, as she rushed past the King,
so violently tiiat she knocked him over among
the cinders. " My precious Lily ! My imperial
kitten ! " and she began scrambling wildly up
the side of the fender.
" Imperial fiddlestick ! " said the King, rub
bing his nose, which had been hurt by the fall.
He had a right to be a little annoyed with
the Queen, for he was covered with ashes from
head to foot.
Alice was very anxious to be of use, and,
ad the poor little Lily was nearly screaming her-
aelf into a fit, she hastily picked up the Queen
16 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
and set her on the table by the side of her
noisy little daughter.
The Queen gasped, and sat down : the rapid
journey through the air had quite taken away
her breath, and for a minute or two she could
do nothing but hug the little Lily in silence.
As soon as she had recovered her breath a little,
she called out to the White King, who was sitting
sulkily among the ashes, " Mind the volcano ! "
" What volcano ? " said the King, looking up
anxiously into the fire, as if he thought that
was the most likely place to find one.
" Blew me up," panted the Queen, who
was still a little out of breath. " Mind yon come
up the regular way don't get blown up I"
Alice watched the White King as he slowly
struggled up from bar to bar, till at last she
said, " Why, you 11 be hours and hours getting
to the table, at that rate. I'd far better help
jrou, hadn't I ? " But the King took no notice
of the question : it was quite clear that he could
ueither hear her nor see her.
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
So Alice picked him up very gently, and
lifted him across more slowly than she had lifted
the Queen, that she mightn't take his breath
away : but, before she put him on the table, she
thought she might as well dust him a little,
he was so covered with ashes.
She r,aid afterwards that she had never seen
In all her life such a face as the King made,
whsn he found hirn»elf held in the air by au
18 LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
invisible hand, and being dusted : he was far toa
much astonished to cry out, but his eyes and
his mouth went on getting larger and larger
and rounder and rounder, till her hand shook
so with laughing that she nearly let him drop
upon the floor.
" Oh ! please don't make such faces, my dear ! "
she cried out, quite forgetting that the King
couldn't hear her. " You make me laugh so
that I can hardly hold you ! And don't keep
your mouth so wide open ! All the ashes will
get into it there, now I think you're tidy
enough ! " she added, as she smoothed his hair,
and set him upon the table near the Queen.
The King immediately fell flat on his back,
and lay perfectly still : and Alice was a little
alarmed at what she had done, and went round
the room to see if she could find any water to
throw over him. However, she could find
nothing but a bottle of ink, and when she got
back with it she found he had recovered, ^and
he and the Queen were talking together in a
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 1ft
frightened whisper so low, that Alice could
bardly hear what they said.
The King was saying, " I assure you, my
dear, I turned cold to the very ends of my
whiskers ! "
To which the Queen replied, " You haven't
got any whiskers."
"The horror of that moment," the King went
on, "I shall never, never forget ! "
"You will, though," the Queen said, "if you
don't make a memorandum of it."
Alice looked on with great interest as the
King took an enormous memorandum-book out
of his pocket, and began writing. A sudden
thought struck her, and she took hold of the
end of the pencil, which came some way over
his shoulder, and began writing for him.
The poor King looked puzzled and unhappy,
and struggled with the pencil for some time
without saying anything ; but Alice was too
8tro:ig for him, and at last he panted out, " My
clear 1 J really must get a thinner pencil I can't
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
manage this one a bit ; it writes all manner
of things that I don't intend "
" What manner of things ? " said the Queen,
looking over the book (in which Alice had put
1 The White Knight
is sliding down the
poker. He balances
very badly'). " That's
not a memorandum
of your feelings ! "
There was a book
lying near Alice on
the table, and while
she sat watching
the White King (for
she was still a little
anxious about him,
and had the ink all ready to throw over
him, in case he fainted again), she turned over
the leaves, to find some part that she could
read, " — for it's all in some language t don't
know," she said to hersel£
BOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
It was like this.
She puzzled over this for some time, but
at last a bright thought struck her. " Why,
it's a Looking-glass book, of course \ And if
I hold it up to a glass, the words will all go
the right way again."
This was the poem that Alice read.
JABBERWOCKY.
'Twos brillig, and the sliihy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wale;
All mimsy were the lorogcn>es,
And the mome raths outgrabe*
ft LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
" Beware the Jabberwock, my son !
The jaws that bite, the claws that cate& f
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shim
The frumious Bandersnatch ! "
He took his vorpal sivord in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought —
S<> rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in tlwught.
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came !
One, two ! One, two ! And through and through
The vorpal blade we tit snicker-snack !
lie left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing bach
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
23
t* LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE.
"And hast thou slain the Jabbervjock ?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy I
0 frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!n
He chortled in his joy.
*Twas lyriUig, and the slithy toves
Did yyre and gimble in the wabe ;
Ail mimsy were the borogoves,
A fid the mome ratlis outgrabe.
" It seems very pretty/' she said when she
had finished it, " but it's rather hard to under
stand ! " (You see she didn't like to confess, even
to herself, that she couldn't make it out at all.)
"Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas
only I don't exactly know what they are !
However, somebody killed something : that's clear,
at any rate "
" But oh ! " thought Alice, suddenly jumping
up, "if I don't make haste I shall have to
LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 25
go back through the Looking-glass, before I've
&een what the rest of the house is like ! Let's
have a look at the garden first ! " She was out
of the room in a moment, and ran down stairs
or, at least, it wasn't exactly lunning, but
a new invention for getting down stairs quickly
and easily, as Alice said to herself. She just
kept the tips of her fingers on the hand-rail,
and floated gently down without even touching
the stairs with her feet ; then she floated on
through the hall, and would have gone straight
out at the door in the same way, if she hadn't
caught hold of the door-post. She was getting
a little giddy with so much floating in the air,
and was rather glad to find herself ralking
again in the natural way.
CHAPTER II.
THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS
" 1 SHOULD see the garden far better," said
Alice to herself, "if I could get to the top of
that hill : and here's a path that leads straight
to it at least, no, it doesn't do that
(after going a few yards along the path, and
turning several sharp corners), "but I suppose
it will at last. But how curiously it twists!
It's more like a corkscrew than a path! Well,
this turn goes to the hill, I suppose no, it
doesn't ! This goes straight back to the house I
Well then, I'll try it the other way."
And so she did : wandering up and down.
GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS. 27
and trying turn after turn, but always corning
back to the house, do what she would. Indeed,
once, when she turned a corner rather more
quickly than usual, she ran against it before
she could stop herself.
" It's no use talking about it," Alice said,
looking up at the house and pretending it was
arguing with her. "I'm not going in again
yet. I know 1 should have to get through the
Looking-glass again — back into the old room —
and there 'd be an end of all my adventures ! "
So, resolutely turning her back upon the
house, she set out once more down the path,
determined to keep straight on till she got to
the hill. For a few minutes all went on well,
and she was just saying, " I really shall do it
this time " when the path gave a sudden
twist and shook itself (as she described it after
wards), and the next moment she found herself
actually walking in at the door.
" Oh, it 's too bad ! " she cried. " I never saw
such a house for getting in the way ! Never 1 "
28 THE GARDEN OF
However, there was the hill full in sight,
so there was nothing to be done but start
again. This time she came upon a large flower
bed, with a border of daisies, and a willow-tree
growing in the middle.
" 0 Tiger-lily," said Alice, addressing her
self to one that was waving gracefully about
in the wind, " 1 wish you could talk ! "
"We can talk," said the Tiger-lily: "wheD
there's anybody worth talking to."
Alice was so astonished that she couldn't
speak for a minute : it quite seemed to take
her breath away. At length, as the Tiger-lily
only went on waving about, she spoke again,
in a timid voice— almost in a whisper. "And
can all the flowers talk ? "
" As well as you can," said the Tiger-lily.
" And a great deal louder."
"It isn't mariners for us to begin, you
know," said the Rose, " and I really was won
dering when you'd speak! Said I to myself,
c Her face has got some sense in it, though
LIVE FLOWERS.
it's not a clever one T
Still, you're the right
colour, and that goes
a long way."
"1 don't care about the colour," the Tiger-
lily remarked. "If only her petals curled up a
little more, ghe'd be all right"
SO THE GARDEN OF
Alice didn't like being criticised, so she
began asking questions. " Aren't you sometimes
frightened at being planted out here, with n>
body to take care of you \ "
" There's the tree in the middle," said the
Rose : " what else is it good for ? "
" But what could it do, if any danger
came ? " Alice asked.
"It could bark," said the Rose.
" It says ' Bough- wough ! ; cried a Daisy ,
" that Js why its branches are called boughs ! "
" Didn't you know that ? " cried anothei
Daisy, and here they all began shouting together,
till the air seemed quite full of little shrill
voices. " Silence, every one of you ! " cried
the Tiger-lily, waving itself passionately from
side to side, and trembling with excitement.
"They know I can't get at them ! " it panted,
bending its quivering head towards Alice, "or
they wouldn't dare to do it!"
"Never mind!" Alice said in a soothing
bone, and stooping down to the daisies, who
LIVE FLOWERS.
were just beginning again, she whispered, "If
you don't hold your tongues, 1 11 pick you ! "
There was silence in a moment, and several
of the pink daisies turned white.
" That's right ! " said the Tiger- lily. " The
daisies are worst of all. When one speaks, they
all begin together, and it's enough to make
one wither to hear the way they go on ! "
"How is it you can all talk so nicely ? "
Alice said, hoping to get it into a better temper
by a compliment. " I've been in many gardens
before, but none of the flowers could talk/'
"Put your hand down, and feel the ground,"
said the Tiger-lily. "Then you'll know why."
Alice did so. " It's very hard," she said,
"but I don't see what that has to do with it."
"In most gardens," the Tiger-lily said, "they
make the beds too soft — so that the flowers
are always asleep."
This sounded a very good reason, and Alice
was quite pleased to know it. " I never thought
of that before ! " she said.
«2 THE GARDEN OF
" It's my opinion that you never think CM
all" the Rose said in a rather severe tone.
" I never saw anybody that looked stupider,"
3 Violet said, so suddenly, that Alice quite
jumped; for it hadn't spoken before.
" Hold your tongue ! " cried the Tiger-lily.
" As if you ever saw anybody ! You keep your
head under the leaves, and snore away there,
till you know no more what's going on in the
world, than if you were a bud ! "
" Are there any more people in the garden
besides me ? " Alice said, not choosing to notice
the Rose's last remark.
"There's one other flower in the garden
that can move about like you," said the Rose.
" I wonder how you do it (" You're
always wondering," said the Tiger-lily), "but
she's more bushy than you are."
" Is she like me ? " Alice asked eagerly, fc/r
the thought crossed her mind, " There's another
little girl in the garden, somewhere ! "
*k Well, she has the same awkward shape as
LIVE FLOWERS. 38
,' the Rose said, "but she's redder and
her petals are shorter, I thiiik."
" Her petals are done up closp, almost like
a dahlia," the Tiger-lily interrupted : " not tum
bled about anyhow, like yours."
" But that's not your fault," the Rose added
kindly: "you're beginning to fade, you know
— and then one can't help one's petals getting
a little untidy."
Alice didn 't like this idea at all : so, to
change the subject, she asked " Does she ever
come out here ? "
11 1 daresay you'll see her soon," said the
Rose. " She's one of the thorny kind."
" Where does she wear the thorns ? " Alice
asked with some curiosity.
" Why, ah1 round her head, of course," the
Rose replied. "I was wondering you hadn't got
some too. I thought it was the regular rule."
"She's coming!" cried the Larkspur. "I
hear her footstep, thump, thump, along th«
grave*- walk ! "
*4 THE GARDEN OF
Alice looked round eagerly, and found that
it was the Red Queen. "She's grown a good
leal I " was her first remark. She had indeed :
when Alice first found her in the ashes, she
had been only three inches high and hero
she was, half a head taller than Alice herself t
" It 's the fresh air that does it," said the
Rose : " wonderfully fine air it is, out here."
" I think I'll go and meet her/' said Alice,
for, though the flowers were interesting enough,
she felt that it would be far grander to have a
talk with a real Queen.
"You can't possibly do that," said the Rose:
"/ should advise you to walk the other way."
This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she said
nothing, but set off at once towards the Rea
Queen. To her surprise, she lost sight of her
in a moment, and found herself walking in at
tho front-door again.
A little provoked, she drew back, and after
iooking every v/ here for the Queen (whom she
spied out at 'ast, a long way off), she thought
LIVE FLOWERS.
she would try the plan, this time, of walking
ID the opposite direction.
Tt succeeded beautifully. She had not bee*.
walking a minute before she found herself fa/?e
to face with the Eed Queen, and full in sight of
the hill she had been so long aiming at.
K THE GAKDEN OF
"Where do you come from?" said the Red
Queen. " And where are you going ? Look up,
apeak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers al]
the time."
Alice attended to all these directions, and
explained, as well as she could, that she had
lost her way.
"I don't know what you mean by your
way," said the Queen : " all the ways about here
belong to me but why did you come out
here at all ? " she added in a kinder tone.
"Curtsey while you're thinking what to say.
It saves time."
Alice wondered a little at this, but she was
too much in awe of the Queen to disbelieve it.
"I'll try it when I go home," she thought to
herself, "the next time I'm a little late for
dinner."
" It's time for you to answer now," the Queen
said, looking at her watch: "open your mouth
a little wider when you speak, and always
say * youi Majesty/ "
LIVL FLOWERS. S?
"I only wanted to see what the garden waa
like, your Majesty
"That's right," said the Queen, patting ner
on the head, which Alice didn't like at all
"though, when you say 'garden/ — I've seen
, gardens, compared with which this would be a
wilderness/'
Alice didn't dare to argue the point, but
went on : " and I thought I'd try and find
my way to the top of that hill—
" When you -say ' hill/ " the Queen inter
rupted, " / could show you hills, in comparison
with which you'd call that a valley."
" No, I shouldn't," said Alice, surprised into
contradicting her at last : " a hill cant be a
valley, you know. That would be nonsense "
The Red Queen shook her head. "You may
call it 'nonsense' if you like." she said, "but
I've heard nonsense, compared with which that
would be as sensible as a dictionary ! "
Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid from
the Queen's tone that she was a little offended
38
THE GARDEN OF
and they walked on in silence till they got to
the top of the little hill.
Foi some minutes Alice stood without speak
ing, looking out in all directions over the country
—and a most- curious country it was. There
were a number of tiny little brooks running
straight across it from side to side, and the
ground between was divided up into squares by
a number of little green hedges, that reached
from brook to brook.
" I declare it's marked out just like a large
chess-board. ! " Alice said at last. "There ought
LIVE FLOWERS. w
to be some men moving about somewhere —
and so there are ! " she added in a tone of
delight, and her heart began to beat quick
with excitement as she went on. " It's a great
huge game of chess that 's being - played
all over the world if this is the world at
all, you know. Oh, what fun it is! How I
wish I was one of them ! 1 wouldn't mind
being a Pawn, if only I might join— —though
of course I should like to be a Queen, best."
She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen
as she said this, but her companion only smiled
pleasantly, and said, ''That's easily managed.
You can be the White Queen's Pawn, if you
like, as Lily's too young to play; and you're in
the Second Square to begin with : when you
get to the Eighth Square you'll be a Queen "
Just at this moment, somehow or other, they
began to run.
Alice never could quite make out, ID think
ing it over afterwards, how it was that they
began : all she remembers is, that they were ~uu
40 THE GARDEN OF
ning hand in hand, and the Queen went so fast
that it was all she could do to keep up with
her : and still the Queen kept crying " Faster I
Faster ! " but Alice felt she could not go faster,
though she had no breath left to say so.
The most curious part of the thing was, that
the trees and the other things round them never
changed their places at all : however fast they
went, they never seemed to pass anything. " I
wonder if all the things move along with us?"
thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen
seemed to guess her thoughts, for she cried,
" Faster ! Don't try to talk ! "
Not that Alice had any idea of doing that.
She felt as if she would never be able to talk
again, she was getting so much out of breath :
and still the Queen cried " Faster ! Faster ! "
and dragged her along. " Are we nearly there ? "
Alice managed to pant out at last.
"Nearly there!" the Queen repeated. "Why,
we passed it ten minutes ago ! Faster ! " And
they ran on for a time in silence, with the
LIVE FLOWERS.
whistling in Alice's ears, and almcet blow
ing her hair off her head, she fancied.
" Now ! Now ! " cried the Queen. " Faster !
Faster ! " And they went so fast that at last
they seemed to skim through the air, hardly
touching the ground with their feet, till sud-
donly, just as Alice was getting quite exhausted,
they stopped, and she found herself sitting ou
the ground, breathless and giddy.
The Queen propped her up against a
and said kindly, " You may rest a little now "
& ThE GARDEN OP
Alice looked round her in great surprise,
" Why, I do believe we Ve been under this tree
the whole time ! Everything's just as it was ! "
"Of course it is," said the Queen: "what
would you have it \ "
" Well, in our country," said Alice, still
panting a little, " you'd generally get to some
where else if you ran very fast for a long
time, as we've been doing."
" A slow sort of country ! " said the Queen.
"Now, here, you see, it takes all the running
you can do, to keep in the same place. If
you want to get somewhere else, you must rue
at least twice as fast as that ! "
"I'd rather not try, please!" said Alice.
"I'm quite content to stay here only 1 am
so hot and thirsty ! "
"I know what you'd like!" the Queen said
good-naturedly, taking a little box out of hex
pocket. " Have a biscuit ? "
Alice thought it would not be civil to sa>
u No/ though it wasn't at all what she wanted
LIVE FLOWERS. 4&
So she took it, and ate it as well as she could :
and it was very dry ; and she thought she had
never been so nearly choked in all her life.
" While you're refreshing yourself," said the
Queen, "I'll just take the measurements." And
she took a ribbon out of her pocket, marked
in inches, and began measuring the ground, and
sticking little pegs in here and there.
" At the end of two yards," she said, putting
in a peg to mark the distance, " I shall give
you your directions have another biscuit ? "
"No, thank you," said Alice: "one's quite
enough ! "
" Thirst quenched, I hope ? " said the Queen.
Alice did not know what to say to this,
but luckily the Queen did not wait for an
answer, but went on. " At the end of three
yards I shall repeat them— —for fear of your
forgetting them. At the end of four, I shall say
good-bye. And at the end of Jive, I shall go ! ''
SI 10 had got all the pegs put in by this
time, and Alice looked on with great interest
44 THE GARDEN OF
as she returned to the tree, and then began
slowly walking down the row.
At the two-yard peg she faced round, and
said, " A pawn goes two squares in its first
move, you know. So you'll go very quickly
through the Third Square by railway, I should
think and you'll find yourself in the Fourth
Square in no time. Well, that square belongs
to Tweedledum and Tweedledee the Fifth is
mostly water the Sixth belongs to Humpty
Dumpty But you make no remark?"
" I T didn't know I had to make one
just then," Alice faltered out.
" You should have said," the Queen went on
in a tone of grave reproof, " ' It 's extremely kind
of you to tell me all this ' however, we '11
suppose it said the Seventh Square is all
forest however, one of the Knights will show
you the way and in the Eighth Square we
shall be Queens together, and it's all feasting
and fun ! " Alice got up and curtseyed, and
sat down again.
LIVE FLOWERS. 46
At the next peg the Queen turned again,
and this time she said, "Speak in French when
you can't think of the English for a thing-
turn out your toes as you walk and re
member who you are ! " She did not wait
for Alice to curtsey this time, but walked on
quickly to the next peg, where she turned for
a moment to say " good-bye," and then hurried
on to the last.
How it happened, Alice never knew, but
exactly as she came to the last peg, she was
gone. Whether she vanished into the air, or
whether she ran quickly into the wood ("and
she can run very fast ! " thought Alice), there
was no way of guessing, but she was gone,
and Alice began to remember that she was
a Pawn, and that it would soon be time for
her to move.
CHAPTER III.
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS,
OF course the first thing to do was to make
a grand survey of the country she was going
to travel through. "It's something very like
learning geography," thought Alice, as she stood
on tiptoe in hopes of being able to see a little
further. " Principal rivers there are none.
Principal mountains I'm on the only one, but
I don't think it's got any name. Principal
towns why, what are those creatures, making
honey down there ? They can't be bees nobody
ever saw bees a mile off, you know " and
for -some time she stood silent, watching one of
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 47
them that was bustling about among the flowers,
poking its proboscis into them, "just as if it was
a regular bee," thought Alice.
However, this was anything but a regular
bee : in fact, it was an elephant — — as Alice soon
found out, though the idea quite took her breath
away at first. " And what enormous flowers
they must be!" was her next idea. "Something
like cottages with the roofs taken of!', and stalka
put to them and what quantities of honey
they must make! I think I'll go down and—
no, I won't go just yet," she went on, checking
herself just as she was beginning to run down
the hiU, and trying to find some excuse for turning
shy so suddenly. " It'll never do to go down
among them without a good long branch to
hrush them away and what fun it'll be - when
they ask me how 1 liked my walk. I shall
say ' Oh, I liked it well enough ' (here
came the favourite little toss of the head), ' only
it was so dusty and hot, and the elephants
did tease ao ! ' "
48 LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
"I think I'll go down the other way," she
said after a pause : " and perhaps I may visit
the elephants later on. Besides, I do so want
to get into the Third Square ! "
So with this excuse she ran down the hill
and jumped over the first of the six little
brooks.
" Tickets, please ! " said the Guard, putting
his head in at the window. In a moment every
body was holding out a ticket : they were
about the same size as the people, and quite
seemed to fill the carriage.
" Now then ! Show your ticket, child ! " the
Guard went on, looking angrily at Alice. And
a great many voices all said together ( " like the
chorus of a song," thought Alice), "Don't keep
him waiting, child! Why, his time is worth a
thousand pounds a minute!"
LOO KTNG-G LASS INSECTS. 43
K 1 'm afraid I haven't got one," Alice said
IE a frightened tone : " there wasn't a ticket-office
wJ ere I came from." And again the chorus of
vo:.ces went on. " There wasn't room for one
wVere she came from. The land there is worth
a thousand pounds an inch I"
" Don't make excuses," said the Guard : " you
shculd have bought one from the engine-driver/'
And once more the chorus of voices went on
with "The man that drives the engine. Why,
the smoke alone is worth a thousand pounds
a puff!"
Alice thought to herself, " Then there 's no
use in speaking." The voices didn't join in thia
time, as she hadn't spoken, but, to her great
surprise, they all thought in chorus (I hope you
understand what thinking in chorus means
for I must confcss that / don't), " Better say
nothing at all. Language is worth a thousand
pounds a word I "
" I shall dream about a thousand pounds
tonight, I know 1 shall!" thought Alice.
50
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
All this time the Guard was looking at her,
first through a telescope, then through a micro
scope, and then through an opera-glass. At last
he said, " You 're travelling the wrong way," and
shut up the window and went away.
" So young a child," said the gentleman sitting
opposite to her, (he was dressed in white paper,)
"ought to know which way she's going, even il
she doesn't know her own name ! *
LOOKING-GLASS INSECT'S.
A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman
ir, white, shut his eyes and said in a loud voice,
" She ought to know her way to the ticket-office,
even if she doesn't know her alphabet ! "
There was a Beetle sitting next the Goat (it
was a very queer carriage-full of passengers
altogether), and, as the rule seemed to be that
they should all speak in turn, he went on with
" She'll have to go back from here as luggage ! "
Alice couldn't see who was sitting beyond
the Beetle, but a hoarse voice spoke next. " Change
engines " it said, and there it choked and
was obliged to leave off.
" It sounds like a horse," Alice thought to
herself. And an extremely small voice, close to
BO!' Car, Said, •• You miKM n,.ike» joke OB Uutt iom« thing about 'honw' uul
'hoar»«.' yon know."
Then a very gentle voice in the distance said,
s< She must be labelled ' Lass, with care/ you
know "
And after that other voices went on (" What
a number of people there . are -in the carnage!"
62 LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
thought Alice), saying, " She must go by post,
as she Js got a head on her — " She must
be sent as a message by the telegraph ---- "
"She must draw the train herself the rest of
the way - ," and so on.
But the gentleman dressed in white paper
leaned forwards and whispered in her ear,
"Never mind what they all say, my dear, but
take a return -ticket every time the train stops."
"Indeed I shan't!" Alice said rather impa
tiently. " I don't belong to this railway journey
at all - 1 was in a wood just now -- and I
wish I could get back there ! "
YOU might make * joke on that,- said the little voice close to
••something about 'you would if you coold,' yon know."
"Don't tease so," said Alice, looking about in
vain to see where the voice came from ; "if you're
so anxious to have a joke made, why don't you
make one yourself?"
The little voice sighed deeply : it was very
unhappy, evidently, and Alice would have sold
something pitying to comfort it, "if it would
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 63
only sigh like other people ! " she thought. But
this was such a wonderfully small sigh, that she
wouldn't have heard it at all, if it hadn't come
quite close to her ear. The consequence of this
was that it tickled her ear very much, and quite
took off her thoughts from the unhappiness of
the poor little creature.
" 1 know yoo ar. attend." the little VO1C6 WCnt On \ "adeai
trimd, and aa old friend. And yon won't hurt me. though I am an insect."
" What kind of insect ? " Alice inquired a
little anxiously. What she really wanted to
Know was, whether it could sting 01 not, but she
thought this wouldn't be quite a civil question
to ask.
-what, then yon don't — - the little voice began, when it
was drowned by a shrill scream from the engine,
and everybody jumped up in alarm, Alice among
the rest.
The Horse, who had put his head out ol
the window, quietly drew it in and said, "It's
only a brook we have to jump over." Every
body seemed satisfied with this, though Alice
64 LOOKING-GLASS LNSEUT8.
felt a little nervous at the idea of trains jumping
at all. "However, it'll take us into the Fourth
Square, that 's some comfort ! " she said to her
self. In another moment she felt the carriage
rise straight up into the air, and in her fright
she caught at the thing nearest to her hand,
which happened to be the Goat's beard.
But the beard seemed to melt away as she
touched it, and she found herself sitting quietly
under a tree while the Gnat (for that was
the insect she had been talking to) was
balancing itself on a twig just over her head,
and fanning her with its wings.
It certainly was a very large Gnat : " about
the size of a chicken," Alice thought. Still, she
couldn't feel nervous with it, after they hud beei)
talking together so long.
« then you don't like all insects?" the
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 66
Gnat went on, as quietly as if nothing had
happened.
" I like them when they can talk," Alice said
" None of them ever talk, where / come from.*
"What sort of insects do you rejoice in,
where you come from ? " the Gnat inquired.
" I don't rejoice in insects at all," Alice ex
plained, "because I'm rather afraid of them
at least the large kinds. But I can tell you the
names of some of them."
" Of course they answer to their names ? "
the Gnat remarked carelessly.
"I never knew them do it."
"What's the use of their having names," the
Gnat said, " if they won't answer to them ? "
"No use to them," said Alice ; "but it's useful
to the people that name them, I suppose. If not,
why do things have names at all?"
" I can't say/' the Gnat replied. " Further on,
in the wood down there, they've got no names
however, go on with your list of bisects
you 're wasting time."
66
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
"Well, there's the Horse-fly," Alice began,
counting off the names on her fingers.
"All right/' said the Gnat: "half way ur
that bush, you'll see a Rocking-horse-fly, if you
look. It's made entirely of wood, and gets about
by swinging itself from branch to branch."
"What does it live on?" Alice asked, with
great curiosity.
" Sap and sawdust," said the Gnat. " Go on
with the list."
Alice looked at the Rocking-horse-fly with great
Interest, and made up her mind that it must have
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
been just repainted, it looked so bright and
sticky ; and then she went on.
"And there's the Dragon-fly."
" Look on the branch above your head," said
the Gnat, "and there you'll find a Snap-dragon-
tfy. Its body is made of plum-pudding, its wings
of holly-leaves, and its head is a raisin burning
in brandy."
"And what does it live on?" Alice asked, aa
before.
" Frumenty and mince-pie," the Gnat replied ;
11 and it makes its nest in a Christmas-box."
58 LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
"And then there's the Butterfly," Alice went
on, after she had taken a good look at the in-
eect with its head on fire, and had thought to
herself, " I wonder if that's the reason insects are
so fond of flying into candles because they
want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies ! "
" Crawling at your feet," said the Gnat (Alice
drew her feet back in some alarm), "you may
observe a Bread-and-butter-fly. Its wings are
thin slices of bread-and-butter, its body is a
crust, and its head is a lump of sugar."
"And what does it live on?"
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 6fi
"Weak tea with cream in it."
A new difficulty came into Alice's head. " Suj>^
posing it couldn't find any ? " she suggested.
" Then it would die, of course."
" But that must happen very often," Alice
remarked thoughtfully.
" It always happens," said the Gnat.
After this, Alice was silent for a minute
or two, pondering. The Gnat amused itself
meanwhile by humming round and round her
head : at last it settled again and remarked, " I
suppose you don't want to lose your name ? "
"No, indeed," Alice said, a little anxiously.
"And yet I don't know," the Gnat went on
in a careless tone : " only think how convenient
it would be if you could manage to go home
without it ! For instance, if the governess wanted
to call you to your lessons, she would call out
'Come here ,' and there she would have to
leave off, because there wouldn't be any name fn
her to call, and of course you wouldn't have tc
go, you kno w."
60 LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
* That would never do, I 'm sure," said Alice :
"the governess would never think of excusing me
lessons for that. If she couldn't remember my
name, she 'd call me ' Miss ! ' as the servants do."
" Well, if she said * Miss/ and didn't say
anything more/' the Gnat remarked, "of course
you 'd miss your lessons. That 's a joke. I wish
you had made it."
" Why do you wish I had made it ? " Alice
asked. "It's a very bad one."
But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two
large tears came rolling down its cheeks.
" You shouldn't make jokes," Alice said} " if
it makes you so unhappy."
Then came another of those melancholy little
sighs, and this time the poor Gnat really seemed
to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked
up, there was nothing whatever to be seen on the
twig, and, as she was getting quite chilly with
sitting still so long, she got up and walked on.
She very soon came to an open field, with a
wood on the other side of it : it looked much
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 6]
darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a little
timid about going into it. However, on second
thoughts, she made up her mind to go on : "for
I certainly won't go back," she thought to herself,
and this was the only way to the Eighth Square.
" This must be the wood," she said thoughtfully
to herself, "where things have no names. 1 wonder
what '11 become of my name when I go in ? I
shouldn't like to lose it at all because they'd
have to give me another, and it would be almost
certain to be an ugly one. But then the fun
would be, trying to find the creature that had got
my old name! That's just like the advertise
ments, you know, when people lose dogs
' answers to the name of " Dash : " had on a brass
collar'- — just fancy calling everything you met
' Alice/ till one of them answered ! Only they
wouldn't answer at all, if they were wise."
She was rambling on in this way when she
reached the wood : it looked very cool and shady.
"Well, at any rate it's a great comfort," she said
as she stepped under the trees, " after being BO
62 LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
hot, to get into the into the into what ? *'
she went on, rather surprised at not being able
to think of the word. " I mean to get under the
under the under this, you know ! " putting
her hand on the trunk of the tree. "What does
it call itself, 1 wonder ? I do believe it's got no
name why, to be sure it hasn't ! "
She stood silent for a minute, thinking : then
she suddenly began again. "Then it really has
happened, after all ! And now, who am I ? I
will remember, if I can ! I 'm determined to
do it ! " But being determined didn't help her
much, and all she could say, after a great deal of
puzzling, was, " L, I know it begins with L ! "
Just then a Fawn came wandering by : it
looked at Alice with its large gentle eyes, but
didn't seem at all frightened. " Here then ! Here
then!" Alice said, as she held out her hand and
tried to stroke it ; but it only started back a
little, and then stood looking at her again.
"What do you call yourself?" the Fawn said
at last Such a soft sweet voice it had!
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
"I wish I knew!" thought poor Alice 3
acswered, rather sadly, "Nothing, just now.'
" Think again," it said : " that won't do "
Alice thought, but nothing came of it. " Plea&o,
would you tell me what you call yourself?" sho
Raid timidly. " I think that might help a little."
" 1 11 tell you, if you '11 come a little furthei
on," the Fawn said. " I can't remember here."
S4 LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS.
Sc they walked on together through the wood,
Alice with her arms clasped lovingly round the
soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into
another open field, and here the Fawn gave a
sudden bound into the air, and shook itself free
from Alice's arms. "I'm a Fawn!" it cried out
in a voice of delight, " and, dear me ! you 're a
human child ! " A sudden look of alarm came
into its beautiful brown eyes, and in another
moment it had darted away at full speed.
Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to
cry with vexation at having lost her dear little
fellow-traveller so suddenly. " However, I know
my name now," she said, "that's some comfort.
Alice Alice 1 won't forget it again. And
now, which of these finger-posts ought I to
follow, 1 wonder ? "
It was not a very difficult question to answer,
as there was only one road through the wood,
and the two finger-posts both pointed along it,
"111 settle it/' Alice said to herself, "when the
road divides and they point different ways."
LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 65
But this did not seem likely to happen. She
went on and on, a long way, but wherever the
road divided there were sure to be two finger
posts pointing the same way, one marked 'TO
TWEEDLEDUM'S HOUSE/ and the other 'TO
THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE.'
" I do believe/' said Alice at last, " that they
live in the same house ! I wonder I never thought
of that before But I can't stay there long.
Til just call and say ' How d'ye do ? ' and ask
them the way out of the wood. If I could
only get to the Eighth Square before it gets
dark ! " So she wandered on, talking to herself
as she went, till, on turning a sharp corner, she
came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that
she could not help starting back, but in another
moment she recovered herself, feeling sure that
they must be
CHAPTER IV,
TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEB.
THEY were standing under a tree, each with
an arm round the other's neck, and Alice knew
which was which in a moment, because one oi
them had ' DUM ' embroidered on his collar, and
the other ' DEE/ " I suppose they Ve each got
' TWEED LE' round at the back of the collar,"
she said to herself.
They stood so still that she quite forgot they
were alive, and she was just looking round to see
if the word ' TWEEDLE ' was written at the back
of each collar, when she was startled by a voice
coming from the one marked 'DUM.1
TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE,
" If you think we're wax-works," he said, "you
ought to pay, you know. Wax- works weren't
made to be looked at for nothing. Nohow ! "
" Contrariwise," added the one marked ' DEE/
s* if you think we're alive, you ought to speak."
"I'm sure I'm very sorry," was all Alice could
say ; for the words of the old song kept ringing
through her head like the ticking of a clock, and
she could hardly help saying them out loud : —
TWEEDLEDUM
~ Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledve
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As Hack as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel"
(
" I know what you 're thinking about," said
Tweedledum: "but it isn't so, nohow/'
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it
was so, it might be ; and if it were so, it would
be ; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic/'
" I was thinking," Alice said very politely,
1 'which is the best way out of this wood: it's
getting so dark. Would you tell me, please ? "
But the fat little men only looked at each
other and grinned.
They looked so exactly like a couple of greet
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 6£
schoolboys, that Alice couldn't help pointing her
finger at Tweedledum, and saying " First Boy ! "
" Nohow ! " Tweedledum cried out briskly,
and shut his mouth up again with a snap.
"Next Boy!" said Alice, passing on to
Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain he
would only shout out " Contrariwise ! " and so
he did.
" You Ve begun wrong ! " cried Tweedledum.
The first thing in a visit is to say 'How d' ye
do ? ' and shake hands ! " And here the two
brothers gave each other a hug, and then they
held out the two hands that were free, to shake
hands with her.
Alice did not like shaking hands with either
of them first, for fear of hurting the other one's
feelings ; so, as the best way out of the difficulty,
she took hold of both hands at once : the next
moment they were dancing round in -a ring
This seemed quite natural (she remembered after
wards), and she was not even surprised to hear
music playing : it seemed to come from the tree
70 TWEEDLEDUM
under which they were dancing, and it was done
(as well as she could make it out) by the branches
ruboing one across the other, like fiddles and
fiddle-sticks.
" But it certainly was funny," (Alice said
afterwards, when she was telling her sister the
history of all this,) "to find myself singing 'Here
we go round the mulberry bush.1 I don't know
when I began it, but somehow I felt as if I'd
been singing it a long long time!"
The other two dancers were fat, and very
soon out of breath. " Four times round is enough
for one dance," Tweedledum panted out, and they
left off dancing as suddenly as they had begun :
the music stopped at the same moment.
Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood
looking at her for a minute : there was a rather
awkward pause, as Alice didn't know how to
begin a conversation with people she had just
been dancing with. "It would never Jo to say
* How d'ye do?' now" she said to herself: i4we
aoein to have got beyond thai, somehow ! M
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 7]
" I hope you 're not much tired ? " she said
at last.
" Nohow. And thank you very much for
asking," said Tweedledum.
" So much obliged ! " added Tweedledee. "You
like poetry '."
11 Ye-es, pretty well some poetry," Alice
said doubtfully. " Would you tell me which road
leads out of the wood?"
"What shall I repeat to her?" said Tweedle
dee, looking round at Tweedledum with great
solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice's question.
" ' The Walrus and the Carpenter ' is the
longest," Tweedledum replied, giving his brother
an affectionate hug.
Tweedledee began instantly :
" The sun was shining "
Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. " II
it's very long/' she said, as politely as she could,
" would you please tell me first which road —
Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again :
2* TWEEDLEDUM
was shining on the se&8
Shining with all his might:
He did his very lest to make
The billows smooth and bright-*'
And this was odd, because it w&s
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done—*
* It 's very rude of him,' she said,
' To come and spoil the fun ! '
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, becau&
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead—
There were no birds to fly.
AND TWEEDLEDEE.
73
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand ;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand :
' If this were only cleared av:ay,'
They said, ' it would be grand !
* If seven maids with seven morxs.
Swept it for half a year,
/*> you suppose,' the Walrus said.
' That they could get it clew 9 '
L
74 TWEEDLEDUM
' I doubt it' said the Carpenter,
And shed a litter tear.
*0 Oysters, come and walk with uxf
The Walrus did beseech.
* A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk.
Along the briny leach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye>
And shook his heavy head —
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-led.
Bui four young Oysters hurHtd v<p,
All eager for the treat :
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed*
Their shoes were clean and neat —
ANL> TWEEDLEDEB. ?J
And this was odd, because, you kjww>
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters follovjed them,
And yet another four ;
And thick and fast they came at last>
And more, and more, and more —
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waite*i in a row.
' The time has come! the Walrus said,
' To talk of many things :
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing >
Of cabbages — and kings —
TWEEDLEDUM
And why the sea is boiling hci~~
And whether pigs have wings?
* But wait a bit, the Oysters cried,
' Before we have our chat ;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat /'
* No hurry ! ' said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for thai,
'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
*Is what we cliiefly need :
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 71
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed —
Now if you 're ready, Oysters dear.
We can begin to feed.'
But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
4 After suck kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do I '
' The night is fine' the Walrus said.
t Do you admire the view ?
4 It was so kind of yov, to come !
And you are very nice!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
' Cut us another slice :
1 wish you were not quite so deaf —
I've had to ask you twice ! '
'It seems a shame,' the Walrus
* To play them such a trick,
18
TWEEDLEDUM
After we've brought them out so fwt
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
5 The butter' 8 spread too thick!'
'/ weep for you' the Walrus said:
' / deeply sympathize'
With sobs and tears he sorted out
TTiase of the largest size.
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 78
*0 Oysters,' said the Carpenter,
' You 've had a pleasant run /
Shall we be trotting home again T
But answer came there none —
And this was scarcely odd, becau*^
They'd eater «oery one."
" I like the Walrus best/' said Alice : " because
you see he was a little sorry for the poor oysters."
" He ate more than the Carpenter, though/'
said Tweedledee. "You see he held his hand
kerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't
count how many he took : contrariwise."
" That was mean ! " Alice said indignantly.
" Then I like the Carpenter best if he didn't
eat so many as the Walrus."
"But he ate as many as he could get/1 said
Tweedledum.
This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice
began, " Well ! They were both very unpleasant
characters— Here she checked herself in some
alarm, at hearing something that sounded to
80
TWEEDLEDUM
her like the puffing of a large steam-engine in
le .wood near them, though she feared it was
likely to be a wild beast. " Are there any
lions or tigers about here ? " she asked timidly.
" It 's only the Red King snoring/' said
Tweedledee.
" Come and look at him ! " the brothers cried,
and they each took one of Alice's hands, and led
her up to where the King was sleeping.
"Isn't he a lovely sight?" said Tweedledum,
Alice couldn't say honestly that he was. He
had a tall red night-cap on, with a tassel, and
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 81
he was lying crumpled up into a sort of untidy
heap, and snoring loud " fit to snore his head
off!" as Tweedledum remarked.
" I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lyiflg on
the damp grass," said Alice, who was a very
thoughtful little girl.
" He 's dreaming now, " said Tweedledee :
" and what do you think he 's dreaming
about?"
Alice said " Nobody can guess that/'
" Why, about you ! " Tweedledee exclaimed,
clapping his hands triumphantly. " And if he
left off dreaming about you, where do you sup
pose you 'd be ? "
" Where I am now, of course," said Alice.
" Not you ! " Tweedledee retorted contemptu
ously. "You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a
sort of thing in his dream ! "
"If that there King was to wake," added
Twoedledum, " you 'd go out bang ! just
like a candle ! "
" I shouldn't ! " Alice exclaimed indignantly.
M
S3 TWEEDLEDUM
" Besides, if I'm only a sort of thing in hi*
dream, what are you, I should like to know ? "
"Ditto," said Tweedledum.
u Ditto, ditto ! " cried Tweedledee.
He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn't
help saying, " Hush ! You '11 be waking him,
I'm afraid, if you make so much noise."
" Well, it 's no use your talking about waking
him," said Tweedledum, " when you 're only one
of the things in his dream. You know very well
you're ix>t real."
" 1 am real ! " said Alice, and began to cry.
" You won't make yourself a bit realler by
crying," Tweedledee remarked : " there 's nothing
to cry about."
" If I wasn't real," Alice said — half-laughing
through her tears, it all seemed so ridiculous —
"I shouldn't be able to cry."
" I hope you don't suppose those are real
tears ? " Tweedledum interrupted in a tone of
great contempt.
" I know they 're talking nonsense," Alice
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 81
thought to herself: " and it's foolish to cry
about it." So she brushed away her tears, and
went on as cheerfully as she could, " At any rate
I'd better be getting out of the wood, for
really it's coming on very dark Do you think
it 's going to rain ? "
Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over
himself and his brother, and looked up into it.
" No, I don't think it is," he said : " at least
not under here. Nohow."
" But it may rain outside ? "
" It may if it chooses," said Tweedledee :
"we've no objection. Contrariwise."
" Selfish things ! " thought Alice, and she was
just going to say " Good-night" and leave them,
when Tweedledum sprang out from under the
umbrella, and seized her by the wrist.
" Do you see that ? " he said, in a voice
choking with passion, and his eyes grew large
and yellow all in a moment, as he pointed with
a trembling finger at a small white thing lying
under the tree.
84
TWEEDLEDUM
" It 's only a rattle," Alice said, after a careful
examination of the little white thing. " Not n
rattle-swoie, you know/' she added hastily, think
ing that he was frightened : " only an old rattle
quite old and broken."
*&ato*&&K3&£
"I knew it was ! " cried Tweedledum, begin
ning to stamp about wildly and tear his hair,
"It's spoilt, of course!" Here he looked at
Tweedledee, who immediately sat down on the
ground, and tried to hide himself under the
umbrella.
AJND TWEEDLEDEE. M
Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said
in a soothing tone, " You needn't be so angry
about an old rattle."
" But it isn't old ! " Tweedledum cried, in fl
greater fury than ever. " It's new, I tell you—
I bought it yesterday— —my nice NEW RATTLE!''
and his voice rose to a perfect scream.
All this time Tweedledee was trying his best
to fold up the umbrella, with himself in it : which
was such an extraordinary thing to do, that it
quite took off Alice's attention from the angry
brother. But he couldn't quite succeed, and it
ended in his rolling over, bundled up in the
umbrella, with only his head out • and there he
lay, opening and shutting his mouth and his large
eyes— —"looking more like a fish than any
thing else," Alice thought.
" Of course you agree to have a battle ? "
Tweedledum said in a calmer tone.
" I suppose so," the other sulkily replied, na
he crawled out of the umbrella : " only she must
help us to dress up, you know."
BC TWEEDLEDUM
So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand
into the wood, and returned in a minute with
their arms full of things such as bolsters,
blankets, hearth-rugs, table-cloths, dish-covers, and
coal-scuttles. " I hope you 're a good hand at pin
ning and tying strings?" Tweedledum remarked.
" Every one of these things has got to go on,
somehow or other. "
Alice said afterwards she had never seen such
a fuss made about anything in all her life
the way those two bustled about and the quan
tity of things they put on and the trouble
they gave her in tying strings and fastening
buttons "Really they'll be more like bundles
of old clothes than anything else, by the time
they're ready ! " she said to herself, as she arranged
a bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, " to keep
his head from being cut off," as he said.
" You know," he added very gravely, " it 's
one of the most serious things that can possibly
happen to one in a battle to get one's head
cut off."
AND TWEEDLEDJKE-
Alice laughed loud: but she managed to turn
it into a cough, for fear of hurting his feelings.
"Do T look very pale?" said Tweedledum,
coming up to have his helmet tied on. (He
called it a helmet, though it certainly looked
much more like a saucepan.)
« Well yes a little'9 Alice replied gently.
" I 'm very brave generally," he went on in
a Io\v voice: "only to-day f happen to havs
a hea/Iache."
M TWEELJLEDUM
41 And I 've got a toothache ! " said Twccdle-
doo, who had overheard the remark " I Jm fax
worse than you ! "
"Then you'd better not fight to-day," said
Alice, thinking it a good opportunity to make
peace.
" We must have a bit of a fight, but I don't
care about going on long/' said Tweedledum.
"What's the time now?"
Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said
"Half-past four."
" Let 's fight till six, and then have dinner,
said Tweedledum.
" Very well," the other said, rather sadly :
" and she can watch us only you VI better
not come very close," he added : " I generally
hit everything I can see when I get really
excited."
" And / hit every thing within reach," cried
Tweedledum, "whether 1 can see it or not!"
Alice laughed. " You must hit the tree*
pretty often, I should think," she said
AND TWEEDLEDEE. 88
Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied
smile. " I don't suppose," he said, " there '11 be
a tree left standing, for ever so far round, by
the time we 've finished ! "
"And all about a rattle!" said Alice, still
hoping to make them a little ashamed of fighting
for such a trifle.
" I shouldn't have minded it so much," said
Tweedledum, "if it hadn't been a new one."
" I wish the monstrous crow would come ! n
thought Alice.
" There 's only one sword, you know,"
Tweedledum said to his brother : " but you can
have the umbrella it's quite as sharp. Only
we must begin quick. It's getting as dark as
it can."
" And darker," said Tweedledee.
It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice
thought there must be a thunderstorm coming
tm. " What a thick black cloud that is ! " she
said. " Arid how fast it comes ! Why, I do
beliere it 's got wings ! "
90 TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE.
"It's the crow!" Tweedledum cried out in
a shrill voice of alarm : and the two brothers
took to their heels and were out of sight in a
moment.
Alice ran a little way into the wood, and
stopped under a large tree. " It can never get
at me here" she thought : " it 's far too large to
squeeze itself in among the trees. But I wish
it wouldn't flap its wings so it makes quito
a hurricane in the wood here's somebody'**
shawl being blown away 1"
CHAPTER V.
WOOL AND WATER.
SHE caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked
about for the owner : in another moment the
White Queen came running wildly through the
wood, with both arms stretched out wide, as if
she were flying, and Alice very civilly went to
meet her with the shawL
" I 'm very glad I happened to be in the
way," Alice said, as she helped her to put on
her shawl again.
The White Queen only looked at her in a
helpless frightened sort of way, and kept repeat
ing something in a whisper to herself that
92 WOOL AND WATER.
sounded like " Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter,"
and Alice felt that if there was to be any con
versation at all, she must manage it herself.
So she began rather timidly : " Am I addressing
the White Queen?"
" Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing," the
Queen said. " It isn't my notion of the thing,
at all."
Alice thought it would never do to have an
argument at the very beginning of then- con
versation, so she smiled and said, "If your
Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin,
I'll do it as well as I can."
"But I don't want it done at all!" groaned
the poor Queen. "I've been a-dressing myself
for the last two hours/'
It would have been all the better, as it
seemed to Alice, if she had got some one else to
dress her, she was so dreadfully untidy. " Every
single thing's crooked," Alice thought to herself,
" and she 's all over pins !— —May I put your
shawl straight for you?" she added aloud.
WOOL AND WATER.
" I don't know what 's the matter with it ! '
the Queen said, in a melancholy voice. " It \
out of temper,
I think. I've
pinned it here,
and I 've pin
ned it there,
but there 's no
pleasing it ! "
" It cant go
straight, you
know, if you
pin it all on
one side," Alice
said, as she
gently put it
right for her ; " and, dear me, what a state
your hair is in \n
" The brush has got entangled in it ! "
the Queen said with a sigh. " And 1 Jost tho
comb yesterday."
Alice carefully released the brush, and did
94 WOOL AND WATER.
her best to get the hair into order. " Come,
you look rather better now ! " she said, after
altering most of the pins. " But really you
should have a lady's-maid ! "
" I 'm sure I '11 take you with pleasure ! ' the
Queen said. " Twopence a week, and jam every
other day."
Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, " I
don't want you to hire me and I don't care
for jam."
"It's very good jam," said the Queen.
" Well, 1 don't want any to-day, at any rate."
" You couldn't have it if you did want it,"
the Queen said. "The rule is, jam to-morrow
and jam yesterday but never jam to-day."
" It must come sometimes to * jam to-day/ "
Alice objected.
"No, it can't," said the Queen. "It's jam
every other day: to-day isn't any other day,
you know."
" I don't understand you," said Alice. " It 'fl
dreadfully confusing !"
WOOL AND WATER. 96
"That's the effect of living backwards," the
Queen said kindly : "it always makes one a
little giddy at first—
" Living backwards ! " Alice repeated in great
astonishment. " I never heard of such a thing ! "
" but there's one great advantage in it,
that one's memory works both ways."
" I'm sure mine only works one way," Alice
remarked. " I can't remember things before
they happen."
" It 's a poor sort of memory that only works
backwards," the Queen remarked.
" What sort of things do you remember best ? "
Alice ventured to ask.
" Oh, things that happened the week after
next," the Queen replied in a careless tone.
" For instance, now," she went on, sticking a
large piece of plaster on her finger as she
spoke, "there's the King's Messenger. He's in
prison now, being punished : and the trial
doesn't even begin till next Wednesday : and cf
course the crime comes last of all"
WOOL AND WATER.
" Suppose he never
commits the crime ? "
said Alice.
"That would be all
the better, wouldn't
it ? " the Queen said,
as she bound the plas
ter round her finger
with a bit of ribbon.
Alice felt there
was no denying that.
" Of course it would
be all the better," she said
\
"but it wouldn't
be all the better his being punished."
" You 're wrong there, at any rate," said the
Queen : " were you ever punished ? "
" Only for faults," said Alice.
" And you were all the better for it, I know!"
ihe Queen said triumphantly.
" Yes, buf then I had done the things I was
punished for/' said Alice: "that makes all the
difference."
WOOL AND WATER. 97
" But if you hadn't done them/' the Queen
said, " that would have been better still ; better,
and better, and better ! " Her voice went higher
with each "better," till it got quite to a squeak
at last.
Alice was just beginning to say " There 's a
mistake somewhere ," when the Queen began
screaming, so loud that she had to leave the
sentence unfinished. " Oh, oh, oh ! " shouted the
Queen, shaking her hand about as if she wanted
to shake it off. " My finger 's bleeding ! Oh,
oh, oh, oh ! "
Her screams were so exactly like the whistle
of a steam-engine, that Alice had to hold both
her hands over her ears.
" What is the matter ? " she said, as soon as
there was a chance of making herself heard.
" Have you pricked your finger ? "
" I haven't pricked it yet" the Queen said,
" hut I soon shall oh, oh, oh ! "
" When do you expect to do it?" Alice asked,
feeling very much inclined to laugh.
o
03 WOOL AND WATER.
'* When I fasten my shawl again," the poor
Queen groaned out: "the brooch will come un
done directly. Oh, oh ! " As she said the words
the brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched
wildly at it, and tried to clasp it again.
" Take care ! " cried Alice. " You 're holding
it all crooked ! " And she caught at the brooch ;
but it was too late : the pin had slipped; and the
Queen had pricked her finger.
" That accounts for the bleeding, you see,"
she said to Alice with a smile. "Now you under
stand the way things happen here."
" But why don't you scream now ? " Alice
asked, holding her hands ready to put over her
ears again.
" Why, I Ve done all the screaming already/'
said the Queen. "What would be the good of
having it all orer again?"
By this time it was getting light. " The crow
must have flown away, I think," said Alice :
"i;m so glad it's gone. I thought it was the
night coming on/'
WOOL AND WATER. 99
" I wish / could manage to be glad ! " tho
Queen said. " Only I never can remember the
rule. You must be very happy, living in this
wood, and being glad whenever you like ! "
" Only it is so very lonely here ! " Alice said
in a melancholy voice ; and at the thought of
her loneliness two large tears came rolling down
her cheeks.
" Oh, don't go on like that ! " cried the
poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair.
" Consider what a great girl you are. Consider
what a long way you ve come to-day. Con
sider what o'clock it is. Consider anything,
only don't cry ! "
Alice could not help laughing at this, even
in the midst of her tears. " Can you keep from
crying by considering things ? " she asked.
"That's the way it's done," the Queen
said with great decision : " nobody can do two
things at once, you know. Let's consider your
age to begin with how old are you ? "
" T 'm seven and a half exactly."
100 WOOL AND WATEK.
" You needn't say ' exactually,' " the Queen
remarked : "I can believe it without that. No\v
[11 give you something to believe. I'm just
one hundred and one, five months and a day."
" I can t believe that ! " said Alice.
" Can't you ? " the Queen said in a pitying
tone. " Try again : draw a long breath, and
shut your eyes."
Alice laughed. "There's no use trying/' she
said : " one cant believe impossible things."
" I daresay you haven't had much practice,"
said the Queen. " When I was your age, I
always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why,
sometimes I Ve believed as many as six im
possible things before breakfast. There goes
the shawl again ! "
The brooch had come undone as she spoke,
and a sudden gust of v/ind blew the Queen's
shawl across a little brook. The Queen spread
out her arms again, and went flying after it, and
this time she succeeded in catching it for herself.
'* I Ve got it ! " she cried in a triumphant tone,
WOOL AND WATER. 101
" Now you shall see me pin it on again, all
by myself!"
" Then I hope your finger is better now ? n
Alice said very politely, as she crossed the little
brook after the Queen.
" Oh, much better ! " cried the Queen, her voice
rising into a squeak as she went on. "Much
be-ctterl Be-etter ! Be-e-e-etter ! Be-e-ehh ! " The
last word ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep
that Alice quite started.
She looked at the Queen, who seemed to
have suddenly wrapped herself up in wool. Alice
rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't
make out, what had happened at all. Was she
in a shop i And was that really was it really
a sheep that was sitting on the other side of the
counter? Rub as she would, she could make
nothing more of it : she was in a little dark
102
WOOL AND WATEK.
shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter,
and opposite to her was an old Sheep, sitting in
an arm-chair knitting, and every now and theo
leaving off to look at her through a great pair
o o o I
»>f spectacles.
" What is it you want to buy I the
V7OOL AND WATER. 108
said at last, looking up for a moment from her
knitting.
*' I don't qidte know yet," Alice said very
gently. "I should like to look all round me
first, if I might."
" You may look in front of you, and on both
sides, if you like," said the Sheep ; " but you
can't look all round you unless youVe got
eyes at the back of your head/'
But these, as it happened, Alice had not got:
so she contented herself with turning round,
looking at the shelves as she came to them.
The shop seemed to be full of all manner
of curious things but the oddest part of it
all was, that whenever she looked hard at any
shelf, to make out exactly what it had on it,
that particular shelf was always quite empty :
though the others round it were crowded as full
as they could hold.
" Things flow about so here ! " she said at
last in a plaintive tone, after she had spent a
minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright
104 WOOL A*TD WATER.
tiling, that looked sometimes like a dell and
sometimes like a work-box, and was always b
the shelf next above the one she was looking at
" And this one is the most provoking of all
but I'll tell you what " she added, as a
sudden thought struck her, " I '11 follow it up
to the very top shelf of all. It'll puzzle it to
go through the ceiling, I expect ! "
But even this plan failed : the ' thing ' went
through the ceiling as quietly as possible, as if
it were quite used to it.
"Are you a child or a teetotum?" the Sheep
said, as she took up another pair of needles.
" You 11 make me giddy soon, if you go on
turning round like that." She was now working
with fourteen pairs at once, and Alice couldn't
help looking at her in great astonishment.
" How can she knit with so many ? " the
Duzzled child thought to herself. " She gets
more and more like a porcupine every minute ! "
"Can you row?" the Sheep asked, handing
her a pair of knitting-needles as she spoke.
WOOL AND WATER. 105
" Yes, a little— —but not on land and
not with needles " Alice was beginning to
say, when suddenly the needles turned into oars
in her hands, and she found they were in a
little boai, gliding along between banks ; so
there was nothing for it but to do her best.
" Feather ! " cried the Sheep, as she took up
another pair of needles.
This didn't sound like a remark that needed
any answer, so Alice said nothing, but pulled
away. There was something very queer about
the water, she thought, as every now and then
the oars got fast in it, and would hardly come
out again.
" Feather ! Feather ! " the Sheep cried again,
taking more needles. " You' 11 be catching a
crab directly."
"A dear little crab!" thought Alice. "1
should like that."
"Didn't you hear me say 'Feather'?" the
Sheep cried angrily, taking up quite a btmcL
of needles.
IU6 WOOL AND WATEK.
" Indeed I did/' said Alice : " you 've said
it very often and very loud. Please, where
arc the crabs?"
" In the water, of course ! " said the Sheep,
sticking some of the needles into her hair, as
her hands were full. " Feather, I say ! "
" Why do you say ' Feather ' so often ? " Alice
asked at last, rather vexed. "I'm not a bird!"
" You are," said the Sheep : " you 're a little
goose."
This offended Alice a little, so there was no
more conversation for a minute or two, while
the boat glided gently on, sometimes among
beds of weeds (which made the oars stick fast
in the water, worse than ever), and sometimes
under trees, but always with the same tall
river-banks frowning over their heads.
" Oh, please ! There are some scented rushes ! "
Alice cried in a sudden transport of delight.
" There really are and such beauties ! "
" You needn't say * please ' to me about 'em,"
the Sheep said, without looking up from hei
WOOL AND WATER. 109
knitting : " I didn't put 'em there, and I 'in not
going to take 'em away."
"No, but I meant please, may we wait
and pick some?" Alice pleaded. " If you don't
mind stopping the boat for a minute."
" How am / to stop it ? " said the Sheep.
" If you leave off rowing, it '11 stop of itself."
So the boat was left to drift down the stream
as it would, till it glided gently in among the
waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were
carefully rolled up, and the little arms were
plunged in elbow-deep, to get hold of the rushes
a good long way down before breaking them
off and for a while Alice forgot all about
the Sheep and the knitting, as she bent over the
side of the boat, with just the ends of her
tangled hair dipping into the water while
with bright eager eyes she caught at one bunch
after another of the darling scented rushes.
"I only hope the boat won't tipple over!"
she said to herself. "Oh, what a lovely one^
Only I couldn't quite reach it" And it cer-
108 WOOL AND WATER.
tainly did seem a little provoking (" almost as
if it happened on purpose," she thought) that,
though she managed to pick plenty of beautiful
rushes as the boat glided by, there was always
a more lovely one that she couldn't reach.
"The prettiest are always further!" she
said at last, with a sigh at the obstinacy
of the rushes in growing so far off, as, with
flushed cheeks and dripping hair and hands,
she scrambled back into her place, and began
to arrange her new-found treasures.
o
What mattered it to her just then that
the rushes had begun to fade, and to lose all
their scent and beauty, from the very moment
that she picked them ? Even real scented rushes,
you know, last only a very little while —and
these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost
like snow, as they lay in heaps at her feet
but Alice hardly noticed this, there were so many
>ther curious things to think about.
They hadn't gone much farther before the
blade of one of the oars got fast in tne water
WOOL AND WATER. 109
and wouldn't come out again (so Alice explained
it afterwards), and the consequence was that
the handle of it caught her under the chin, and,
in spite of a series of little shrieks of ' Oh, oh,
oh ! ' from poor Alice, it swept her straight off
the seat, and down among the heap of rushes.
However, she wasn't a bit hurt, and was soon
up again : the Sheep went on with her knitting
all the while, just as if nothing had happened.
" That was a nice crab you caught ! " she re
marked, as Alice got back into her place, very much
relieved to find herself still in the boat.
" Was it ? I didn't see it," said Alice, peeping
cautiously over the side of the boat into the
dark water. " I wish it hadn't let go ]
should so like a little crab to take home with
me ! " But the Sheep only laughed scornfully,
and went on with her knitting.
" Are there many crabs here ? " said Alice.
"Crabs, and all sorts of things," said the
Sheep : " plenty of choice, only make up your
mind. Now, what do you want to buy ? "
no
WOOL AND WATER.
u To buy ! " Alice echoed in a tone that was
half astonished and half frightened for the
oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished
WOOL AND WATER. Ili
all in a moment, and she was back again in
the little dark shop.
" I should like to buy an egg, please," she
said timidly. " How do you sell them ? "
11 Fivepence farthing for one twopence for
two," the Sheep replied.
" Then two are cheaper than one ? " Alice
said in a surprised tone, taking out her purse.
"Only you must eat them both, if you buy
two," said the Sheep.
" Then I '11 have one, please," said Alice, as
she put the money down on the counter. For
she thought to herself, "They mightn't be at
all nice, you know."
The Sheep took the money, and put it away
in a box : then she said " I never put things
into people's hands that would never do
you must get it for yourself." And so saying,
she went off to the other end of the shop, and
set the egg upright on a shelf.
" I wonder why it wouldn't do ? " thought
Alice, as she groped her way among the tables
112 WOOL AND WATER.
and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards
the end. " The egg seems to get further away
the more I walk towards it. Let me see, is this
a chair ? Why, it 's got branches, I declare !
How very odd to find trees growing here !
And actually here 's a little brook ! Well, this
is the very queerest shop I ever saw ! "
So she went on, wondering more and more
at every step, as everything turned into a tree
the moment she came up to it, and she quite
expected the egg to do the same.
CHAPTER VI.
HUMPTY DUMPTY.
HOWEVER, the egg only got larger and larger,
and more and more human : when she had come
within a few yards of it, she saw that it had
eyes and a nose and mouth ; and when she
had oome close to it, she saw clearly that it
was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. •' It can't be
anybody else!" she said to herself. "I'm as
certain of it, as if his name were written all
over his face ! "
It might have been written a hundred times,
easily, on that enormous face. Humpty . Dumpty
was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk.
Q
114 HUMPTV DUMPTY
on the top of a high wall— —such a narrow one
that Alice quite wondered how he could keep
his balance and, as his eyes were steadily
fixed in the opposite direction, and he didn't
take the least notice of her, she thought he
must be a stuffed figure after all.
" And how exactly like an egg he is ! " she
said aloud, standing with her hands ready to
catch him, for she was every moment expecting
him to fall.
" It's very provoking," Humpty Dumpty said
after a long silence, looking away from Alice as
he spoke, "to be called an egg very ! "
" I said you looked like an egg, Sir," Alice
gently explained. "And some eggs are very
pretty, you know," she added, hoping to turn
her remark into a sort of compliment.
" Some people," said Humpty Dumpty, look
ing away from her as usual, " have no more
sense than a baby ! "
Alice, didn't know what to say to this : it
wasn't at all like conversation, she thought, as
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 115
be never said anything to her; in fact, his last
remark was evidently addressed to a tree so
she stood and softly repeated to herself: —
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Eumpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the Kings Iwrses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again"
"That last line is much too long for the
poetry," she added, almost out loud, forgetting
that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.
" Don't stand chattering to yourself like that/1
Humpty Dumpty said, looking at her for the
first time, "but tell me your name and your
business."
" My name is Alice, but "
" It s a stupid name enough ! " Humpty
Dumpty interrupted impatiently. " What does
it mean?"
"'Must a name mean something?" Alice
asked doubtfully.
116 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
"Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty sa\<l
with a short laugh: "my name means the shape
I am and a good handsome shape it is, too.
With a name like yours, you might be any
shape, almost."
" Why do you sit out here all alone ? " said
Alice, not wishing to begin an argument.
" Why, because there 's nobody with me ! "
cried Humpty Dumpty. " Did you think I didn't
know the answer to that ? Ask another."
"Don't you think you'd be safer down on
the ground ? " Alice went on, not with any
idea of making another riddle, but simply in
her good-natured anxiety for the queer creature.
" That wall is so vei^y narrow ! "
" What tremendously easy riddles you ask ! "
Humpty Dumpty growled out. " Of course I
don't think so ! Why, if ever I did fall off
which there 's no chance of but if I did -'
Here he pursed up his lips, and looked so solemn
and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing,
"If I did fall" he went on, "the King has
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 117
promised me ah, you may turn pale, if you
like ! You didn't think I was going to say
that, did you? The King has promised me
with his very own mouth to to "
" To send all his horses and all his men,"
Alice interrupted, rather unwisely.
u NO\VT 1 declare that's too bad!" Humpty
Dumpty cried, breaking into a sudden passion.
" You 've been listening at doors and behind
trees and down chimneys or you couldn't
have known it ! "
"I haven't, indeed!" Alice said very gently.
"It's in a book."
" Ah, well ! They may write such things in
a book," Humpty Dumpty said in a calmer tone.
That's what you call a History of England,
that is. Now, take a good look at me ! I 'm
one that has spoken to a King, / am : mayhap
you '11 never see such another : and to show
you 1 'm not proud, you may shake hands with
me ! " And he grinned almost from ear to ear,
as he leant forwards (and a,s nearly as possible
HUMPTY DUMPTY.
fell off the wall in doing
so) and offered Alice his
hand. She watched him
a little anxiously as she
took it. " If he smiled
much more, the ends of
his mouth might meet
behind," she thought :
" and then I don't know what would happen
to his head ! I 'm afraid it would come off ! "
" Yes, all his horses and all his men," Humpty
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 119
Dumpty went on. "They'd pick me up again
in a minute, they would ! However, this con
versation is going on a little too fast : let 's go
hack to the last remark but one."
" I 'm afraid I can't quite remember it," Alice
said very politely.
" In that case we start fresh," said Humpty
Dumpty, " and it 's my turn to choose a sub
ject- " (" He talks about it just as if it was
a game ! " thought Alice.) " So here 's a question
for you. How old did you say you were ? "
Alice made a short calculation, and said
" Seven years and six months."
" Wrong ! " Humpty Dumpty exclaimed tri
umphantly. " You never said a word like it ! "
" I thought you meant f How old are you ? ; '
Alice explained.
"If I 'd meant that, I 'd have said it," said
Humpty Dumpty.
Alice didn't want to begin another argu
ment, so she said nothing.
" Seven years and six months ! " Humpty
120 HTJMPTY DUMPTY,
Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. "An uncom
fortable sort of age. Now if you 'd asked my
advice, I'd have said * Leave off at seven'-
but it's too late now."
" I never ask advice about growing," Alice
said indignantly.
" Too proud ? " the other enquired.
Alice felt even more indignant at this sug
gestion. " I mean," she said, " that one can't
help growing older."
" One can't, perhaps," said Humpty Dumpty,
" but two can. With proper assistance, you might
have left off at seven."
" What a beautiful belt you Ve got on ! "
Alice suddenly remarked. (They had had quite
enough of the subject of age, she thought : and
if they really were to take turns in choosing
subjects, it was her turn now.) " At least,"
she corrected herself on second thoughts, " a
beautiful cravat, I should have said no, a
belt, I mean— —I beg your pardon ! " she added
m dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 121
offended, and she began to wish she hadn't
chosen that subject. " If only I knew," she
thought to herself, "which was neck and which
was waist ! "
Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry,
though he said nothing for a minute or two.
When he did speak again, it was in a deep
growl
"It is a most provoking thing,"
he said at last, " when a person doesn't know
a cravat from a belt ! "
"I know it's very ignorant of me," Alice
said, in so humble a tone that Humpty Dumpty
relented.
" It 's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as
you say. It's a present from the White King
and Queen. There now ! "
" Is it really ? " said Alice, quite pleased to
find that she had chosen a good subject, after
all.
" They gave it me," Humpty Dumpty con
tinued thoughtfully, as he crossed one knee over
R
128 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
the other and clasped his hands round it, "
gave it me for an un -birthday present/'
" I beg your pardon ? " Alice said with a
puzzled air.
" I 'm not offended," said Humpty Dumpty.
" I mean, what is an un-birthday present ? "
" A present given when it isn't your birthday,
of course."
Alice considered a little. " I like birthday
presents best," she said at last.
" You don't know what you 're talking
about ! " cried Humpty Dumpty. " How many
days are there in a year ? "
" Three hundred and sixty-five," said Alice
"And how many birthdays have you?"
" One."
" And if you take one from three hundred
and sixty-five, what remains ? "
" Three hundred and sixty-four, of course."
Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful " I d rather
see that done on paper," he said.
Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 128
her memorandum-book, and worked the sum
for him :
365
1
364
Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at
it carefully. "That seems to be done right "
he began.
" You ;re holding it upside down ! " Alice
interrupted.
" To be sure I was ! " Humpty Dumpty
said gaily, as she turned it round for him. " J
thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying,
that seems to be done right though I haven't
time to look it over thoroughly just now
and that shows that there are three hundred
and sixty-four days when you might get un-
birthday presents "
" Certainly," said Alice.
" And only one for birthday presents, you
know. There's glory for you ! "
124
"I don't know what you mean by ' glory,'"
Alice said.
Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. " Of
course you don't till I tell you. I meant
' there 's a nice knock-down argument for you ! '
" But ' glory ' doesn't mean * a nice knock
down argument/ " Alice objected.
" When / use a word/' Humpty Dumpty
said in rather a scornful tone, "it means, just
what I choose it to mean neither more
nor less."
" The question is," said Alice, " whether you
can make words mean so many different things/'
" The question is," said Humpty Dumpty,
"which is to be master that's all." j
Alice was too much puzzled to say anything,
so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began
again. "They've a temper, some of them—
particularly verbs , they're the proudest adjec
tives you can do anything with, but not verbs
—however, / can manage the whole lot of
them ! Impenetrability ! That 's what / say ! "
HUMPTY DUMPTY.
" Would you tell me, please," said Alice,
"what that means?"
<f Now you talk like a reasonable child," said
Humpty Dumpty, looking very much pleased.
" I meant by * impenetrability ' that we 've had
-enough of that subject, and it would be just as
well if you 'd mention what you mean to do
next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here
all the rest of your life."
" That 's a great deal to make one word
mean," Alice said in a thoughtful tone.
" When I make a word do a lot of work
like that," said Humpty Dumpty, " I always pay
it extra."
" Oh ! " said Alice. She was too much
puzzled to make any other remark.
".Ah, you should see 'em come round me of
a Saturday night," Humpty Dumpty went on,
wagging his head gravely from side to side :
"for to get their wages, you know."
(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid
them with ; and so you see I can't tell you.)
i26 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
"You seem very clever at explaining words>
Sir." said Alice. "Would you kindly tell me the
meaning of the poem called ' Jabberwocky ' 1 "
" Let 's hear it," said Humpty Dumpty. " I
-in explain all the poems that ever were in-
Dented and a good many that haven't been
nvented just yet."
This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated
tfie first verse :
"'Twas Irillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrcibe"
" That 's enough to begin with," Humpty
Dumpty interrupted : " there are plenty of hard
words there. ' Brilliy ' means four o'clock in the
afternoon— —the time when you begin broiling
things for dinner."
"That'll do very well," said Alice: "and
4 slithy T'
" Well, ' slithy ' means ' lithe and slimy.
HL'M^TY DUMPTY.
127
Lithe ' is the same as ' active/ You see it 's
like a portmanteau- -there are two meanings
packed up into one word"
128 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
" I see it now," Alice remarked thoughtfully :
"and what are (toves"l"
" Well,' ' toves ' are something like badgers
they're something like lizards and they're
something like corkscrews."
" They must be very curious-looking creatures/'
" They are that," said Humpty Dumpty *
" also they make their nests under sun-dials
also they live on cheese."
" And what ;s to ' gyre ' and to ' gimble ' ? "
" To ( gyre ' is to go round and round like
a gyroscope. To 'gimble' is to make hole:; like
a gimblet."
" And ' the wabe ' is the grass-plot round a
sun-dial, I suppose 1 " said Alice, surprised at
her own ingenuity.
" Of course it is. It 's called ' wabe,' you
know, because it goes a long way before it,
and a long way behind it "
" And a long way beyond it on each side/
Alice added.
"Exactly so. Well then, ' mimsy* is 'flimsy
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 1»
and miserable' (there's another portmanteau for
you). And a 'borogove' is a thin shabby -look ing
bird with its feathers sticking out all round
something like a live mop."
" And then ' mome ratJis ' ? " said Alice.
" I 'm afraid I 'm giving you a great deal of
trouble."
" Well, a * rath ' is a sort of green pig : but
'mome' I'm not certain about. I think it's
short for ' from home ' meaning that they 'd
lost their way, you know."
" And what does ' outgrabe ' mean ? "
" Well, ' outgribing ' is something between
bellowing and whistling, with a kind of sneeze
in the middle : however, you '11 hear it done,
maybe down in the wood yonder and
when you 've once heard it you '11 be quite
content. Who's been repeating all that hard
stuff to you ? "
" I read it in a book," said Alice. " But
I had some poetry repeated to me, much easier
than that, by Tweedledee, T think it was."
130 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
" As to poetry, you know/' said Humpty
Durnpty, stretching out one of his great hands,
" / can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it
cornea to that "
" Oh, it needn't come to that ! " Alice hastily
said, hoping to keep him from beginning.
" The piece I 'm going to repeat/' he went
on without noticing her remark, " was written
entirely for your amusement."
Alice felt that in that case she really ought
to listen to it, so she sat down, and said " Thank
you" rather sadly.
\ "In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight
only I don't sing it," he added, as an ex-
pi a nation.
" I see you don't," said Alice.
" If you can see whether I 'm singing or not,
you Ve sharper eyes than most," Humpty
Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.
HUMPTY DUMPTY. 131
^ In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean"
"Thank you very much," said Alice.
" In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:
In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down."
"I will, if I can remember it so long," said
Alice.
" You needn't go on making remarks like
that," Humpty Dumpty said : " they 're not
sensible, and they put me out."
"77 /v^v ^^-^
" I sent a message to the fish :
I told them ' This is what I wish.9
little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to
132 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
The little fishes' answer was
' We cannot do it, Sir, because '**
" I 'm afraid 1 don't quite understand," said
Alice.
" It gets easier further on," Humpty Dumpty
replied.
" / st'rti to them again to say
1 It will be better to obey.'
The fishes answered with a grin,
' Why, what a temper you are in ! '
1 told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.
I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.
My heart went hop, my heart went thump;
I filled the kettle at the pump.
HUMPTY DUMPTY.
Then some one came to me and said,
• The little fishes are in bed:
183
/ said to him, I said it plain,
€ Then you must wake them up agwln!
I said it very loud and clear;
I went and shouted in his ear"
134 HUMPTY DUMFTY.
Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to
a scream as he repeated this verse, and Alice
thought with a shudder, " I wouldn't have beer»
the messenger for anything I "
" But he was very stiff and proud ;
He said l You needn't shout so loud ! '
And he was very proud and stiff;
He said ' I'd go and wake them, if —
/ took a corkscrew from the shelf:
I went to wake them up myself.
And when I found the door was locked,
I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked,
And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, but "
There was a long pause.
"Is that all?" Alice timidly asked.
HUMPTY DQMPTY. 186
"That's all," said Humpty Dumpty. "Good
bye."
This was rather sudden, Alice thought : but,
after such a very strong hint that she ought to
be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil
to stay. So she got up, and held out her hand.
" Good-bye, till we meet again ! " she said as
cheerfully as she could.
" I shouldn't know you again if we did
meet," Humpty Dumpty replied in a discontented
tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake ;
"you're so exactly like other people."
" The face is what one goes by, generally,"
Alice remarked in a thoughtful tone.
" That's just what I complain of," said Humpty
Dumpty. " Your face is the same as everybody
has the two eyes, so " (marking their
places in the air with his thumb) "nose in the
middle, mouth under. It's always the same.
Now if you had the two eyes on the same side
of the nose, for instance or the mouth at
the top that would be some help"
i
136 HUMPTY DUMPTY.
"It wouldn't look nice," Alice objected. But
Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes and said
"Wait till you've tried."
Alice waited a minute to see if he would
speak again, but as he never opened his eyes
or took any further notice of her, she said
" Good-bye 1 " once more, and, getting no answer
to this, she quietly walked away : but she
couldn't help saying to herself as she went,
"Of all the unsatisfactory " (she repeated
this aloud, as it was a great comfort to have
such a long word to say) "of all the unsatisfac
tory people I ever met " She never finished
the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash
shook the forest from end to end.
CHAPTER VII.
THE LION AND THE UNICORN.
THE next moment soldiers came running
through the wood, at first in twos and threes,
then ten or twenty together, and at last in such
crowds that they seemed to fill the whole forest.
Alice got behind a tree, for fear of being run
over, and watched them go by.
She thought that in all her life she had
never seen soldiers so uncertain on their feet :
they were always tripping over something or
other, and whenever one went down, several
' more always fell over him, so that the ground
was soon covered with little heaps of men.
T
138
THE LION AND
Then came the horses. Having four feet,
these managed rather better than the foot-sol
diers: but even they stumbled now and then;
THE UNICORN. 13fi
and it seemed to be a regular rule that, when-
p.\er a horse stumbled, the rider fell off instantly.
The confusion got worse every moment, and
Alice was very glad to get out of the wood
into an open place, where she found the White
King seated on the ground, busily writing in
his memorandum-book.
" I Ve sent them all ! " the King cried in
a tone of delight, on seeing Alice. "Did you
happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you
came through the wood ? "
" Yes, I did," said Alice : " several thousand,
I should think."
" Four thousand two hundred and seven,
that's the exact number," the King said, referring
to his book. " I couldn't send all the horses,
you know, because two of them are wanted in
the game. And I haven't sent the two Mes
sengers, either. They're both gone to the town.
Just look along the road, and tell me if you
can see either of them."
"I see nobody on the road," said Alice.
140 THE LION AND
"I only wish / had such eyes," the King
remarked in a fretful tone. "To be able to
see Nobody ! And at that distance too ! Why,
it's as much as / can do to see real people,
by this light!"
All this was lost on Alice, who was still
looking intently along the road, shading her
eyes with one hand. " I see somebody now ! "
she exclaimed at last. " But he 's coming very
slowly and what curious attitudes he goes
into 1 " (For the Messenger kept skipping up
and down, and wriggling like an eel, as he
came along, with his great hands spread out
like fans OD each side.)
"Not at all," said the King. "He's an
Anglo-Saxon Messenger- and those are Anglo-
Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's
happy. His name is Haigha." (He pronounced
it so as to rhyme with ' mayor.')
" I love my love with an H," Alice couldn't
help beginning, " because he is Happy. I hate
him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed
THE UNICORN. 141
him with with with Ham-sandwiches and
Ray. His name is Haigha, and he lives "
" He lives on the Hill/' the King remarked
simply, without the least idea that he was joining
in the game, while Alice was still hesitating
for the name of a town beginning with H. "The
other Messenger's called Hatta. I must have
two, you know to come and go. One to
come, and one to go."
" I beg your pardon ? " said Alice.
"It isn't respectable to beg," said the King.
" I only meant that I didn't understand," said
Alice. " Why one to come and one to go ? "
" Don't I tell you ? " the King repeated
impatiently. "I must have two to fetch
and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry/'
At this moment the Messenger arrived : he
was far too much out of breath to say a word,
and could only wave his hands about, and make
the most fearful faces at the poor King.
" This young lady loves you with an H/'
the King said, introducing Alice in the hope of
142 THE LION AND
turning oft' the Messenger's attention from him-
Ee]f but it was no use the Anglo-Saxon
attitudes only got more extraordinary every
moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from
side to side.
" You alarm me ! " said the King. " I feel
faint Give me a ham sandwich ! "
On which the Messenger, to Alice's great
amusement, opened a bag that hung round hjs
THE UNICORN. 148
neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who
devoured it greedily.
"Another sandwich!" said the King.
" There 's nothing but hay left now," tLe
Messenger said, peeping into the bag.
" Hay, then," the King murmured in a
faint whisper.
Alice was glad to see that it revived him a
good deal. " There 's nothing like eating hay
when you're faint," he remarked to her, as he
munched away.
" I should think throwing cold water over
you would be better," Alice suggested : " or
some sal- volatile."
" I didn't say there was nothing better" the
King replied. " I said there was nothing like
it." Which Alice did not venture to deny.
" Who did you pass on the road ? " the
King went on, holding out his hand to the
Messenger for some more hay.
"Nobody," said the Messenger.
"Quite right," said the King: "this young
144 THE LION AND
lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks
slower than you."
"I do my best," the Messenger said in a
sullen tone. " I 'm sure nobody walks much
faster than I do ! "
" He can't do that," said the King, " or else
he 'd have been here first. However, now you Ve
got your breath, you may tell us what's hap
pened in the town."
" I '11 whisper it/' said the Messenger, putting
his hands to his mouth in the shape of a trumpet
and stooping so as to get close to the King's
ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to
hear the news too. However, instead of whisper
ing, he simply shouted at the top of his voice
"They're at it again!"
"Do you call that a whisper?" cried the
poor King, jumping up and shaking himself.
" If you do such a thing again, I '11 have you
buttered ! It went through and through my
head like an earthquake ! "
" It would have to be a very tiny earth-
THE UNICORN. 146
quake ! " thought Alice. " Who are at it again ? "
she ventured to ask.
" Why, the Lion and the Dnicorn, of course,"
paid the King.
" Fighting for the crown ? "
" Yes, to be sure," said the King : " and
the best of the joke is, that it's my crown all
the while ! Let 's run and see them." And
they trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as
she ran, the words of the old song : —
" The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown :
\The Lion heat the Unicorn all round the town.
\Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of
town."
" Does the one that wins get the
:rown?" she asked, as well as she could, for
fe run was putting her quite out of breath.
"Dear me, no!" said the King. " What
in idea ! "
TT
146 THE LION AND
"Would you be good enough," Alice
panted out, after running a little further, "tc
stop a minute just to get one's breath
again
" I 'm good enough," the King said, " only
I 'm not strong enough. You see, a minute
goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well
try to stop a Bandersnatch ! "
Alice had no more breath for talking, so
they trotted on in silence, till they came in
sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which
the Lion and Unicorn were fighting. They
were in such a cloud of dust, that at first Alice
could not make out which was which : but she
soon managed to distinguish the Unicorn by
his horn.
They placed themselves close to where Hatta,
the other Messenger, was standing watching the
fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a
piece of bread and butter in the other.
" He 's only just out of prison, and he hadn't
finished his tea when he was sent in," flaigha
THE UNICORN. 147
whispered to Alice : " and they only give them
oyster-shells in there so you see he's very
hungry and thirsty. How 'are you, dear child?"
he went on, putting his arm affectionately round
Hatta's neck.
Hatta looked round and nodded, and went
on with his bread-and-butter.
" Were you happy in prison, dear child ? "
said Haigha.
Hatta looked round once more, and this time
a tear or two trickled down his cheek : but not
a word would he say.
"Speak, can't you!" Haigha cried impa
tiently. But Hatta only munched away, and
drank some more tea.
" Speak, won't you!" cried the King. "How
are they getting on with the fight?"
Hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed
a large piece of bread-and-butter. " They 're
getting on very well," he said in a choking voice :
" each of them has been down about eighty-seven
times."
148
THE LION AND
" Then I suppose they 11 soon bring the
white bread and the brown?" Alice ventured
to remark.
"It's waiting for 'em now," said Hatta:
" this is a bit of it as I'm eating."
There was a pause in the fight just then,
and the Lion and the Unicorn sat down, pant
ing, while the King called out " Ten nrnutes
allowed for refreshments!" Haigha and Hatta
THE UNICORN. 149
set to work at once, carrying round trays of
white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to
taste, but it was very dry.
" I don't think they 11 fight any more to
day," the King said to Hatta : "go and order
the drums to begin." And Hatta went bound
ing away like a grasshopper.
For a minute or two Alice stood silent,
watching him. Suddenly she brightened up.
" Look, look ! " she cried, pointing eagerly
" There 's the White Queen running across the
country ! She came flying out of the wood over
yonder How fast those Queens can run ! "
" There 's some enemy after her, no doubt,"
the King said, without even looking round
"That wood's full of them."
"But aren't you going to run and help
her?" Alice asked, very much surprised at his
taking it so quietly.
" No use, no use ! " said the King. " She runs
so fearfully quick. You might as well try to
cateh a Bandersnatch ! But I'll make a memo-
l&O THE LION AND
randum about her, if you like She's a dear
good creature/1 he repeated softly to himself, as
he opened his memorandum-book. "Do you
spell 'creature' with a double 'e'?"
At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by
them, with his hands in his pockets. " I had
the best of it this time ? " he said to the King,
just glancing at him as he passed.
" A little — —a little," the King replied,
rather nervously. "You shouldn't have run
him through with your horn, you know."
" It didn't hurt him," the Unicorn said care
lessly, and he was going on, when his eye
happened to fall upon Alice : he turned round
instantly, and stood for some time looking at
her with an air of the deepest disgust.
" What is— -this ? " he said at last
" This is a child ! " Haigha replied eagerly,
coming in front of Alice to introduce her, and
spreading out both his hands towards her in an
Anglo-Saxon attitude. " We only found it to-day-
It 's as large as life, and twice as natural ) "
THE UNICORN. 151
"I always thought they were fabulous mon
sters!" said the Unicorn. "Is it alive?"
"It can talk," said Haigha, solemnly.
The Unicorn looked dreamily at Alice, and
said "Talk, child."
Alice could not help her lips curling up into
a smile as she began : " Do you know, I always
thought Unicorns were fabulous monsters, too !
I never saw one alive before!"
;'Well, now that we have seen each other,"
said the Unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll
believe in you. Is that a bargain?"
"Yes, if you like," said Alice.
" Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man ! "
the Unicorn went on, turning from her to the
King. " None of your brown bread for me ! "
"Certainly certainly!" the King muttered,
and beckoned to Haigha. " Open the bag ! " he
whispered. " Quick ! Not that one that 's full
of hay!"
Haigha took a large cake out of the bag,
and gave it to Alice to hold, while he got
M'2
THE LION AND
out a dish and carving-knife. How they all
came out of it Alice couldn't guess. It was
just like a conjuring- trick, she thought.
The Lion had joined them while this was
going on : he looked very tired and sleepy, and
his eyes were half shut. " What 's this ! " he
said, blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in
a deep hollow tone that sounded like the tolling
of a great bell.
THE UNICORN. 168
"Ah, what is it, DOW?" the Unicorn cried
eagerly. " You '11 never guess ! / couldn't"
The Lion looked at Alice wearily. " Are you
animal or vegetable or mineral?" he said,
yawning at every other word.
" It's a fabulous monster I " the Unicorn cried
out, before Alice could reply.
"Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster,"
the Lion said, lying down and putting his chin
on his paws. "And sit down, both of you,"
(to the King and the Unicorn) : " fair play
with the cake, you knoT\ !"
The King was evidently very uncomfortable
at having to sit down between the two great
creatures ; but there was no other place for him.
" What a fight we might have for the crown,
now!" the Unicorn said, looking slyly up at
the crown, which the poor King was nearly
khaking off his head, he trembled so much.
"I should win easy," said the Lion.
" I 'm not so sure of that," said the Unicorn.
"Why, I beat you all round the town, you
164 THE LION AND
chicken!" tha Lion replied angrily, half getting
up as he spoke.
Here the King interrupted, to prevent the
quarrel going on : he was very nervous, and
his voice quite quivered. "All round the town?"
he said. " That's a good long way. Did
you go by the old bridge, or the market-place?
You get the best view by the old bridge."
"I'm sure I don't know/' the Lion growled
out as he lay down again. "There was too
much dust to see anything. What a time the
Monster is, cutting up that cake!"
Alice had seated herself on the bank of a
little brook, with the great dish on her knees,
and was sawing away diligently with the knife.
"It's very provoking!" she said, in reply to
the Lion (she was getting quite used to being
called 'the Monster'). "I've cut several slices
already, but they always join on again!"
"You don't know how to manage Looking-
glass cakes," the Unicorn remarked. " Hand it
round first, and cut it afterwards."
THE UNlt!ORN. 15£
This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obedi
ently got up, and carried the dish round, and
the cake divided itself into three pieces as she
did so. "Now cut it up," said the Lion, as
she returned to her place with the empty dish.
"I say, this isn't fair!" cried the Unicorn,
as Alice sat with the knife in her hand, very
much puzzled how to begin. "The Monster has
given the Lion twice as much as me !"
" She 's kept none for herself, anyhow," said
the Lion. "Do you like plum-cake, Monster?"
But before Alice could answer him, the
drums began.
Where the noise came from, she couldn't
make out: the air seemed full of it, and it
rang through and through her head till she felt
quite deafened. She started to her feet and
sprang across the little brook in her terror,
155
THE LION AND THE UNICORN.
and had just time
to see the Lion
and the Unicorn
rise to their feet,
with angry looks
at being inter
rupted in their
feast, before she
p dropped to her
knees, and put
her hands over
her cars, vainly
trying to shut
out the dreadful
uproar.
"If that doesn't 'drum them out of town/1
she thought to herself, " nothing ever will I "
CHAPTER VIII.
"IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
AFTER a while the noise seemed gradually to
die away, till all was dead silence, and Alice
lifted up her head in some alarm. There was
no one to be seen, and her first thought was
that she must ha,ve been dreaming about the
Lion and the Unicorn and those queer Anglo-
Saxon Messengers. However, there was the great
dish still lying at her feet, on which she had
tried to cut the plum-cake, "So I wasn't dream
ing, after all," she said to herself, "unless
unless we're all part of the same dream. Only J
do hope it's my dream, and not the Red Kings !
168 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
I don't like belonging to another person's
dream," she went on in a rather complaining
tone : " I 've a great mind to go and wake him,
and see what happens ! "
At this moment her thoughts were interrupted
by a loud shouting of " Ahoy ! Ahoy ! Check ! "
and a Knight, dressed in crimson armour, came
galloping down upon her, brandishing a great
club. Just as he reached her, the horse stopped
suddenly : " You 're my prisoner ! " the Knight
cried, as he tumbled off his horse.
Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened
for him than for herself at the moment, and
watched him with some anxiety as he mounted
again. As soon as he was comfortably in the
saddle, he began once more "You're my "
but here another voice broke in " Ahoy ! Ahoy !
Check ! " and Alice looked round in some surprise
for the new enemy.
This time it was a White Knight. He drew
tip at Alice's side, and tumbled off his horse just
as the Red Knight had done : then he got on
" IT S MY OWN INVENTION. 169
again, and the two Knights sat and looked at
each other for some time without speaking
Alice looked from one to the other in some
bewilderment.
"She's my prisoner, you know!" the Red
Knight said at last.
" Yes, but then / came and rescued her ! "
the White Knight replied.
" Well, we must fight for her, then," said the
Red Knight, as he took up his helmet (which
hung from the saddle, and was something the
shape of a horse's head), and put it on.
" You will observe the Rules of Battle, of
course ? " the White Knight remarked, putting
on his helmet too.
"I always do," said the Red Knight, and
they began banging away at each other with
such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out
of the way of the blows.
" I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,"
she said to herself, as she watched the fight, timidly
peeping out from her hiding-place : "one Rule
160
" IT 'S MY OWN INVENTION/
seems to be, that if one Knight hits the other,
he knocks him off his horse, and if he misses, he
tumbles off himself and another Rule seems
to be that they hold their clubs with their arms,
as if they were Punch and Judy What a noise
they make when they tumble ! Just like a whole
" IT 'S MY OWN INVENTION/' 161
set of fire-irons falling into the fender ! And
quiet the horses are ! They let them get on
and off them just as if they were tables ! "
Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not
noticed, seemed to be that they always fell on
their heads, and the battle ended with their both
falling off in this way, side by side : when
'they got up again, they shook hands, and then
the Red Knight mounted and galloped off.
"It was a glorious victory, wasn't it ? " said
the White Knight, as he came up panting.
"I don't know," Alice said doubtfully. "I
don't want to be anybody's prisoner. I want to
be a Queen."
"So you will, when you've crossed the next
brook," said the White Knight. " I'll see you
safe to the end of the wood - and then I must
go back, you know. That's the end of my move."
" Thank you very much," said Alice. "May I
help you off with your helmet ? " It was evidently
more than he could manage by himself; however
she managed to shake him out of it at last.
Y
162 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
" Now one can breathe more easily/' said the
Knight, putting back his shaggy hair with both
hands, and turning his gentle face and large mild
eyes to Alice. She thought she had never seen
such a strange-looking soldier in all her life.
He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed
to fit him very badly, and he had a queer-shaped
little deal box fastened across his shoulders,
upside-down, and with the lid hanging open.
Alice looked at it with great curiosity.
"I see you're admiring my little box," the
Knight said in a friendly tone. "It's my own
invention to keep clothes and sandwiches in.
You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain
can't get in."
" But the things can get out'' Alice gently
remarked. " Do you know the lid 's open ? "
" I didn't know it," the Knight said, a shade
of vexation passing over his face. " Then all the
things must have fallen out ! And the box is no
use without them." He unfastened it as he spoke,
and was just going to throw it into the bushes,
IT 'S MY OWN INVENTION."
when a sudden thought seemed to strike him,
and he hung it carefully on a tree. " Can you
guess why I did that ? " he said to Alice.
Alice shook her head.
"In hopes some bees may make a nest in it
— — then I should get the honey."
" But you've got a bee-hive - or something
like one - fastened to the saddle," said Alice.
"Yes, it's a very good bee-hive," the Knight
said in a discontented tone, " one of the best
kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet.
And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose
the mice keep the bees out - or the bees keep
the mice out, I don't know which."
"I was wondering what the mouse-trap was
for," said Alice. " It isn't very likely there
would be any mice on the horse's back."
" Not very likely, perhaps," said the Knight ;
"but if they do come, I don't choose to have
them running all about."
" You see," he went on after a pause, " it's as
veil to be provided for everything. That's the
164 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
reason the horse has all those anklets round his
feet."
" But what are they for ? " Alice asked in a
tone of great curiosity.
" To guard against the bites of sharks/' the
Knight replied. " It's an invention of my own.
And now help me on. I'll go with you to the
end of the wood— -What's that dish for?"
" It 's meant for plum-cake/' said Alice.
"We'd better take it with us," the Knight
said. " It 11 come in handy if we find any
plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag."
This took a long time to manage, though Alice
held the bag open very carefully, because the
Knight was so very awkward in putting in the
dish : the first two or three times that he tried
he fell in himself instead. " It 's rather a tight
fit, you see," he said, as they got it in at last;
'* there are so many candlesticks in the bag."
And he hung it to the saddle, which was already
loaded with bunches of carrots, and fire-irons,
arid many other things.
"IT 3 MY OWN INVENTION." 165
"I hope youVe got your hair well fastened
on ? " he continued, as they set off.
" Only in the usual way," Alice said, smiling.
"That's hardly enough," he said, anxiously
11 You see the wind is so very strong here. It's
as strong as soup."
" Have you invented a plan for keeping the
hair from being blown off ? " Alice enquired.
"Not yet," said the Knight. "But I've got
a plan for keeping it from falling off."
" I should like to hear it, very much/'
" First you take an upright stick," said the
Knight. " Then you make your hair creep up
it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls
off is because it hangs down things never
fall upwards, you kno\v. It's a plan of my
own invention. You may try it if you like."
It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice
thought, and for a few minutes she walked on
in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now
aud then stopping to help the poor Knight, who
certainly was not a good rider.
166
" IT 'S MY OWN INVENTION/
Whenever the horse stopped (which it did
very often), he fell off in front ; and when
ever it went on again (which it generally did
rather suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise
he kept on pretty well, except that he had a
tiabit of now and then falling off sideways ; and
as he generally did this on the side on which
" IT 's MY OWN INVENTION." 161
Alice was walking, she soon found that it was the
best plan not to walk quite close to the horse.
"I'm afraid you've not had much practice in
riding," she ventured to say, as she was helping
him up from his fifth tumble.
The Knight looked very much surprised, and a
little offended at the remark. "What makes you
say that ? " he asked, as he scrambled back into the
saddle, keeping hold of Alice's hair with one hand,
to save himself from falling over on the other side.
"Because people don't fall off quite so often,
when they've had much practice."
"I've had plenty of practice," the Knight said
very gravely : " plenty of practice ! "
Alice could think of nothing better to say
than " Indeed ? " but she said it as heartily as
she could. They went on a little way in silence
after this, the Knight with his eyes shut, mutter
ing to himself, and Alice watching anxiously for
the next tumble.
" The great art of riding," the Knight suddenly
uegan in a loud voice, waving his right arm as he
168 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION/'
spoke, "is to keep " Here the sentence ended
as suddenly as it had begun, as the Knight fell
heavily on the top of his head exactly in the path
where Alice was walking. She was quite frightened
this time, and said in an anxious tone, as she
picked him up, " I hope no bones are broken ? "
"None to speak of," the Knight said, as if
he didn't mind breaking two or three of them.
"The great art of riding, as I was saying, is —
to keep your balance properly. Like this, you
know "
He let go the bridle, and stretched out both
his arms to show Alice what he meant, and this
time he fell flat on his back, right under the
horse's feet.
" Plenty of practice ! " he went on repeating,
all the time that Alice was getting him on his
feet again. " Plenty of practice ! "
" It 's too ridiculous ! " cried Alice, losing all
her patience this time. " You ought to have a
wooden horse on wheels, that you ought ! "
" Does that kind go smoothly ? " the Knight
"IT'S MY OWN INVENTION." 169
asked in a tone of great interest, clasping his
arms round the horse's neck as he spoke, just in
time to save himself from tumbling off again.
" Much more smoothly than a live horse,''
Alice said, with a little scream of laughter, io
spite of all she could do to prevent it.
"I'll get one," the Knight said thoughtfully
to himself. " One or two several."
There was a short silence after this, and
then the Knight went on again. " I 'm a great
hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay you
noticed, the last time you picked me up, that
I was looking rather thoughtful ? "
" You were a little grave," said Alice.
" Well, just then I was inventing a new
way of getting over a gate would you like
to hear it?"
" Very much indeed," Alice said politely.
" I'll tell you how I came to think of it," said
the Knight. "You see, I said to myself, 'The
only difficulty is with the feet : the head is high
enough already.' Now, first I put my head on
170 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
the top of the gate then the head's high
enough then I stand on my head then
the feet are high enough, you see then I'm
over, you see."
"Yes, I suppose you'd be over when that
was done," Alice said thoughtfully : " but don't
you think it would be rather hard?"
"I haven't tried it yet," the Knight said,
gravely • "so I can't tell for certain but I 'm
afraid it would be a little hard."
He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice
changed the subject hastily. " What a curious
helmet you've got ! * she said cheerfully. " Is
that your invention too ? "
The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet,
which hung from the saddle. "Yes," he said,
"but I've invented a better one than that like
a sugar-loaf. When I used to wear it, if I fell off
the horse, it always touched the ground directly.
So I had a very little way to fall, you see But
there was the danger of falling into it, to be sure.
That happened to me once and the worst of
"IT'S MY OWN INVENTION." 171
it ^as, before I could get out again, the other
White Knight came and put it on. He thought
it was his own helmet."
The Knight looked so solemn about it that
Alice did not dare to laugh. " I'm afraid you
must have hurt him," she said in a trembling
voice, " being on the top of his head."
" I had to kick him, of course," the Knight
sa'd, very seriously. " And then he took the
helmet off again but it took hours and hours
to get me out. I was as fast as as lightning,
you know."
" But that 's a different kind of fastness,"
Alice objected.
The Knight shook his head. " It was all
kinds of fastness with me, I can assure you ! " he
paid. He raised his hands in some excitement aa
he said this, and instantly rolled out of the. saddle,
and fell headlong into a deep ditch.
Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for
him. She was rather startled by the fall, as foi
some time he had kept on very well, and she was
172
IT'S MY OWN INVENTION.'
afraid that he really was hurt this time. However,
though she could see nothing but the soles of his
feet, she was much relieved to hear that he was
talking on in his usual tone. " All kinds of fast
ness," he repeated : " but it was careless of him to
put another man's helmet on with the man
in it, too."
" How can you go on talking so quietly, head
downwards?" Alice asked, as she dragged him
out by the feet, and laid him in a heap on the
bank.
IT'S MY OWN INVENTION." 173
The Knight looked surprised at the question.
14 What does it matter where my body happens
to be ? " he said. " My mind goes on working all
the same. In fact, the more head downwards
I am, the more I keep inventing new things."
" Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I
ever did," he went on after a pause, " was invent
ing a new pudding during the meat- course."
" In time to have it cooked for the next
course ? " said Alice. " Well, that was quick work,
certainly ! "
" Well, not the next course," the Knight said
in a slow thoughtful tone : " no, certainly not the
next course."
"Then it would have to be the next day. 1
suppose you wouldn't have two pudding-courses
in one dinner ? "
"Well, not the next day," the Knight repeated
as before : " not the next day. In fact," he went
on, holding his head down, and his voice getting
lower and lower, "I don't believe that pudding
ever was cooked ! Tn fact. I don't believe that
174 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION/'
pudding ever will be cooked! And yet it was
a very clever pudding to invent/'
" What did you mean it to be made of ? "
Alice asked, hoping to cheer him up, for the poor
Knight seemed quite low-spirited about it.
" It began with blotting-paper," the Knight
answered with a groan.
" That wouldn't be very nice, I 'm afraid "
" Not very nice alone" he interrupted, quite
eagerly: "but you've no idea what a difference
it makes, mixing it with other things such
as gunpowder and sealing-wax. And here 1
must leave you." They had just come to the
end of the wood.
Alice could only look puzzled : she was
thinking of the pudding.
"You are sad," the Knight said in an anxious
tone : " let me sing you a song to comfort you."
"Is rt very long?" Alice asked, for she had
heard a good deal of poetry that day.
"It's long "said the Knight, "but it's very,
very beautiful. Everybody that hears me sing
"ITTS MY OWN INVENTION." 175
it— — either it brings the tears into their eyes,
or eke "
" Or else what ? " said Alice, for the Knight
had made a sudden pause.
" Or else it doesn't, you know. The name
of the song is called ' Haddocks Eyes?"
" Oh, that's the name of the song, is it ? ;<
Alice said, trying to feel interested.
" No, you don't understand," the Knight said,
looking a little vexed. " That 's what the name
is called. The name really is ' The Aged Aged
Man.'"
"Then I ought to have said 'That's what
the song is called ' ? " Alice corrected herself.
"No, you oughtn't: that's quite another
thing ! The song is called ' Ways And Means ' :
but that 's only what it's called, you know ! "
"Well, what is the song, then?" said Alice,
who was by this time completely bewildered.
"I was coming to that," the Knight said.
" The song really is ' A-sitting On A Gate ' : and
the tune's my own invention."
176 (t IT S MY OWN INVENTION."
So saying, he stopped his horse and let the
reins fall on its neck : then, slowly beating time
with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting
up his gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the
music of his song, he began.
Of all the strange things that Alice save
in her journey Through The Looking-Glass,
this was the one that she always remembered
most clearly. Years afterwards she could bring
the whole scene back again, as if it had been
only yesterday the mild blue eyes and kindly
smile of the Knight the setting sun gleaming
through his hair, and shining on his armour
in a blaze of light that quite dazzled her
the horse quietly moving about, with the reins
hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass
at her feet and the black shadows of the
forest behind al] this she took in like a
picture, as, with one hand shading hex eyes, she
leant against a tree, watching the strange pair,
and listening, in a half dream, to the melan
choly music of the song.
"IT'S MY OWN INVENTION." Ill
'But the tune isn't his o\vn invention," she
said to herself: "it's '/ give thee all, I can no
more." She stood and listened very Attentively,
nit no tears came into her eyes.
"I'll tell thee everything I can;
There's little to relate.
I saw an aged aged man,
A -sitting on a gate.
1 Who are you, aged man / ' / said.
'And how is it you live?'
And his answer trickled through my head
Like water through a sieve.
lie said * I look for butterflies
Tliat sleep among the wheat:
T make them into mutton-pies.
And sell Hum in tlie street.
I sell them unto men,' he said,
' Who sail on stormy seas;
And that's the way 1 get my bread—
A trifle, if you please.1
A A
178 u IT 'S MY 0\VN INVENTION."
But I was thinking of a plan
To dye one's whiskers green,
And always use so large a fan
That they could not be seen.
So, having no reply to give
To what the old man said,
I cried ' Come, tell me how you live \
And thumped, him on the head.
His accents mild took up the tale:
He said 1 1 go my ways,
.And when I find a mountain-rill.
I set it in a blaze ;
And thence they make a stuff they calt
Rowlands Macassar Oil —
Yet twopence-halfpenny is all
They give me for my toil.'
But 1 was thinking of a way
To fied oneself on batter,
And so go on from day to day
Getting a little fatter.
"IT S MY OWN INVENTION.
I shook him well from side to side,
Until his face was "blue, :
* Come, tell me how you live? I cried,
f And what it is you do ! '
179
He said ' 1 hunt for haddocks' eyes
Among the heather "bright,
And work them into waistcoat-buttons
In the silent night.
IT S MY OWN INVENTION.
And these I do not sell for gold
Or coin of silvery shine,
But for a copper halfpenny,
And that will purchase nine.
* / sometimes dig for buttered rolls,
Or set limed twigs for crabs ;
I sometimes search the grassy knolls
For wheels of Hansom-cabs.
And that's the way' (he gave a wink]
1 By which I get my wealth —
And very gladly will I drink
Your Honour's nolle health'
I heard him then, for I had just
Completed my design
To keep the Menai Iridge from rust
By boiling it in wine.
I thanked him much for telling me
The way he got his wealtht
But chiefly for his wish that he
Might drink my nolle health.
"IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
And now, if e'er "by chance I put
My fingers into glue,
Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot
Into a left-hand shoe,
Or if 1 drop upon my toe
A very heavy weight,
I weep, for it reminds me so
Of that old man I used to know —
Whose look was mild, wlwse speech was
Whose hair was whiter than the snow.
Whose face was very like a crow,
With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,
Who seemed distracted with his woe,
WTio rocked his body to and fro,
And muttered muwiblingly and low,
As if his 'mouth were full of dough,
Who snorted like a buffalo
That summer evening, long ago,
A-sitting on a gate"
As the Knight sang the last words of the
ballad, he gathered up the reins, and turned
182 "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
his horse's head along the road by which they
had come. " You 've only a few yards to go,"
lie said, "down the hill and over that little
brook, and then you 11 be a Queen But
you 11 stay and see me off first 1 " he added
as Alice turned with an eager look in the
direction to which he pointed. " I shan't be
long. You 11 wait and wave your handkerchief
when i get to that turn in the road ? I think
it 11 encourage me, you see."
" Of course 1 11 wait," said Alice : " and thank
you very much for coming so far and for
the song 1 liked it very much."
" I hope so," the Knight said doubtfully :
"but you didn't cry so much as I thought
you would."
So they shook hands, and then the Knight
rode slowly away into the forest. " It won't
take long to see him off, I expect," Alice said
to herself, as she stood watching him. " There
he goes ! Eight on his head as usual ! How
ever, he gets on again pretty easily that
"IT'S MY OWN INTENTION/' 183
comes of having so many tilings hung round the
horse -" So she went on talking to herself
as she watched the horse walking leisurely along
the road, and the Knight tumbling off, first on
one side and then on the other. After the
fourth or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and
then she waved her handkerchief to him, and
waited till he was out of sight.
" I hope it encouraged him," she said, as
she turned to run down the hill : " and now
for the last brook, and to be a Queen ! How
grand it sounds ! " A very few steps brought
her to the edge of the brook. "The Eighth
Square at last ! " she cried as she bounded across,
md threw herself down to rest on a lawn as
soft as moss, with little flower-beds dotted about
it here and there. " Oh, how glad I am to get
bere ! And what is this on my head ? " she
"IT'S MY OWN INVENTION."
exclaimed in a
tone of dismay,
as she put her
hands up to
something very
heavy, that fitted
tight all round
her head
" But how can
it have got there
without my know
ing it ? " she
said to herself,
as she lifted it
off, and set it on her lap to make out what
it could possibly be.
It was a golden crown.
GHAJPTER IX.
QUEEN ALICE.
" WELL, siiis is grand ! " said Alice. " I never
expected I should be a Queen so soon and
I '11 tell you what it is, your Majesty," she went
on in a severe tone (she was always rather fond
of scolding herself), " it '11 never do for you to
be lolling about on the grass like that ! Queens
have to be dignified, you know ! "
So she got up and walked about rather
stiffly just at first, as she was afraid that the
crown might come off: but she comforted herself
with the thought that there was nobody to see
ter, " and if I really am a Queen," she said
B B
186 QUEEN ALICE.
as she sat down again, "I shall be able to
manage it quite well in time."
Everything was happening so oddly that she
didn't feel a bit surprised at finding the Red
Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her,
one on each side : she would have liked very
much to ask them how they came there, but
she feared it wouM not be quite civil. How
ever, there would be no harm, she thought, in
asking if the game was over. "Please, would
you tell me " she began, looking timidly at
the Red Queen."
" Speak when you 're spoken to ! " the Queen
sharply interrupted her.
" But if everybody obeyed that rule," said
Alice, who was always ready for a little argu
ment, " and if you only ppoke when you were
spoken to, and the other person always waited
for you to begin, you see nobody would ever
say anything, so that "
" Ridiculous I " cried the Queen. " Why, don't
you see, child— here she broke off with a
QUEfiN ALICE. 18?
frown, and, after thinking for a minute, suddenly
changed the subject of the conversation. "What
do you mean by ' If you really are a Queen ' \
What right have you to call yourself so ? You
can't be a Queen, you know, till you've passed
the proper examination. And the sooner we
begin it, the better."
" I only said ' if ' I " poor Alice pleaded in
a piteous tone.
The two Queens looked at each other, and
the Red Queen remarked, with a little shudder,
" She says she only said ' if ' "
"But she said a great deal more than that!"
bhe White Queen moaned, wringing her hands.
Oh, ever so much more than that ! "
" So you did, you know,7' the Red Queen
said to Alice. " Always speak the truth
think before you speak and write it down
afterwards."
"I'm sure I didn't mean " Alice was
beginning, but the Red Queen interrupted her
impatiently.
IBS QUEEN ALICE.
"That's just what I complain of! You
should have meant ! What do you suppose is
the use of a child without any meaning ? Even
a joke should have some meaning and a
child's more important than a joke, I hope.
You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with
both hands/'
"I don't deny things with my hands" Alice
objected.
"Nobody said you did," said the Red Queen.
" I said you couldn't if you tried."
" She 's in that state of mind," said the White
Queen, " that she wants to deny something
only she doesn't know what to deny ! "
"A nasty, vicious temper," the Red Queen
remarked; and then there was an uncomfortable
silence for a minute or two.
The Red Queen broke the silence by saying
to the White Queen, "I invite you to Alice's
dinner-party this afternoon."
The White . Queen smiled feebly, and said
" And I invite you!1
QUEEN ALICE. 18S
"I didn't know I was to have a party at
all," said Alice; "but if there is to be one, 1
think / ought to invite the guests."
" We gave you the opportunity of doing it/'
the Ked Queen remarked : " but I daresay you Ve
not had many lessons in manners yet ? "
" Manners are not taught in lessons," said
Alice. " Lessons teach you to do sums, and
things of that sort."
" Can you do Addition ? " the White Queen
asked. " What 's one and one and one and one
and one and one and one and one and one and
one ? "
" I don't know," said Alice. " I lost count"
"She can't do Addition," the Red Queen in
terrupted. "Can you do Subtraction? Take
nine from eight."
"Nine from eight I can't, you know/' Alice
replied very readily : "but "
" She can't do Substraction/' said the White
Queen. "Can you do Division? Divide a loaf
by a knife-^ — what 's the answer to that ? *
190
QUEEN ALICE.
*' I suppose " Alice was beginning, but the
Red Queen answered for her. " Bread-and-butter,
of course. Try another Subtraction sum. Take
a bone from a dog : what remains ? "
Alice considered. "The bone wouldn't re
main, of course, if I took it and the dog
wouldn't remain ; it would come to bite me—
and I 'm sure / shouldn't remain ! "
"Then you think nothing would remain?"
said the Eed Queen.
" I think that 's the answer."
QUEEN ALICE. Irf
" Wrong, as usual," said the Red Queen
" the dog's temper would remain."
"But I don't see how—
"Why, look here!" the Red Queen cried
" The dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it ? "
" Perhaps it would," Alice replied cautiously.
"Then if the dog went away, its temper
would remain ! " the Queen exclaimed trium
phantly.
Alice said, as gravely as she could, " They
might go different ways." But she couldn't help
thinking to herself, " What dreadful nonsense
we are talking ! "
" She can't do sums a bit ! " the Queens
said together, with great emphasis.
" Can you do sums ? " Alice said, turning
suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn't
like being found fault with so much.
The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. "I
can do Addition," she said, "if you give me
time but I can't do Substraction under any
circumstances 1 "
192 QUEE-N ALICE.
" Of course you know your ABC?" said
the Red Queen.
"To be sure I do/' said Alice.
" So do I," the White Queen whispered :
"we'll often say it over together, dear. And
I '11 tell you a secret 1 can read words of
one letter ! Isn't that grand ? However, don't
be discouraged. You'll come to it in time."
Here the Red Queen began again. " Can
you answer useful questions ? " she said. " How
is bread made ? "
" I know that ! " Alice cried eagerly. " You
take some flour "
"Where do you pick the flower?" the
White Queen asked. " In a garden, or in the
hedges ? "
" Well, it isn't picked at all," Alice explained :
" it 's ground "
" How many acres of ground ? " said the
White Queen. " You mustn't leave out so
many things."
" Fan her head ! " the Red Queen anxiously
QUEEN ALICE 19S
interrupted. " She '11 be feverish after so much
thinking." So they set to work and fanned
her with bunches of leaves, till she had to beg
them to leave off, it blew her hair about so.
" She 's all right again now," said the Red
Queen. " Do you know Languages ? What 'a
the French for fiddle-de-dee ? "
" Fiddle-de-dee 's not English," Alice replied
gravely.
" Who ever said it was ? " said the Red
Queen.
Alice thought she saw a way out of the
difficulty this time. " If you 11 tell me what
language ' fiddle-de-dee ' is, 1 11 tell you the
French for it ! " she exclaimed triumphantly.
But the Red Queen drew herself up rather
stiffly, and said " Queens never make bargains."
"I wish Queens never asked questions," Alice
thought to herself.
"Don't let us quarrel/' the White Queen
said in an anxious tone. " What is the cause
of lightning ? "
c c
194 QUEEN ALICE.
"The cause of lightning," Alice said very
decidedly, for she felt quite certain about this,
" is the thunder no, no ! " she hastily cor
rected herself. " I meant the other way."
" It 's too late to correct it," said the Ked
Queen : " when you Ve once said a thing, that
fixes it, and you must take the consequences."
" Which reminds me the White Queen
said, looking down and nervously clasping and
unclasping her hands, " we had such a thunder
storm last Tuesday 1 mean one of the last
set of Tuesdays, you know."
Alice was puzzled. " In our country," she
remarked, " there 's only one day at a time."
The Red Queen said "That's a poor thin way
of doing things. Now here, we mostly have
days and nights two or three at a time, and
sometimes in the winter we take as many as
five nights together for warmth, you know."
" Are five nights warmer than one night,
then ? " Alice ventured to ask.
" Five times as warm, of course/'
QUEEN ALICE. 195
" But they should be five times as cold, by
the same rule "
" Just so ! " cried the Red Queen. " Five
times as warm, and five times as cold just
as 1 'm five times as rich as you are, and five
times as clever ! "
Alice sighed and gave it up. "It's exactly
like a riddle with no answer ! " she thought.
" Humpty Dumpty saw it too," the White
Queen went on in a low voice, more as if she
were talking to herself. " He came to the door
with a corkscrew in his hand "
" What did he want ? " said the Red Queen.
" He said he would come in," the White
Queen went on, "because he was looking for
a hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, there
wasn't such a thing in the house, that morning."
" Is there generally ? " Alice asked in an
astonished tone.
" Well, only on Thursdays," said the Queen.
" I know what he came for/ said Alice ;
" he wanted to punish the fish, because "
196 QUEEN ALICE.
Here the White Queen began again. "It wae
such a thunderstorm, you can't think ! " (" She
never could, you know," said the Red Queen.)
"And part of the roof came of£ and ever so
much thunder got in and it went rolling
round the room in great lumps and knocking
over the tables and things till I was so
frightened, I couldn't remember my own name ! "
Alice thought to herself, " I never should
try to remember my name in the middle of an
accident ! Where would be the use of it ? " but
she did not say this aloud, for fear of hurting
the poor Queen's feelings.
" Your Majesty must excuse her," the Red
Queen said to Alice, taking one of the White
Queen's hands in her own, and gently stroking
it : " she means well, but she can't help saying
foolish things, as a general rule."
The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who
felt she ought to say something kind, but really
couldn't think of anything at the moment.
" She never was really well brought up," the
QUEEN ALICE. 19?
Red Queen went on : " but it 's amazing how
good-tempered she is ! Pat her on the head,
and see how pleased she '11 be ! " But this was
more than Alice had courage to do.
"A little kindness and putting her hail
in papers would do wonders with her "
The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and
laid her head on Alice's shoulder. " I am so
sleepy ! " she moaned.
"She's tired, poor thing!" said the Eed
Queen. " Smooth her hair lend her your
nightcap and sing her a soothing lullaby."
" I haven't got a nightcap with me," said
Alice, as she tried to obey the first direction :
" and I don't know any soothing lullabies."
"I must do it myself, then," said the Red
Queen, and she began :
" Hush-a-ly lady, in Alice's lap !
Till the feast 's ready, we 've time for a nap :
When the feast 's over, we '// go to the ball —
Bed Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and attJ
198
QUEEN ALICE.
" And now you know the words," she added,
as she put her head down on Alice's other
shoulder, "just sing it through to me. I'm
getting sleepy too." In another moment both
Queens were fast asleep, and snoring loud.
" What am I to do ? " exclaimed Alice,
looking about in great perplexity, as first one
round head, and then the other, rolled down
from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy lump
in her lap " I don't think it ever happened
before, that any one had to take care of two
QUEEN ALICE. 109
Queens asleep at once ! No, not in all the
History of England it couldn't, you know,
because there never was more than one Queen
at a time. Do wake up, you heavy things ! "
she went on in an impatient tone ; but there
was no answer but a gentle snoring.
The snoring got more distinct every minute,
and sounded more like a tune : at last she
could even make out words, and she listened so
eagerly that, when the two great heads suddenly
vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them.
She was standing before an arched doorway
over which were the words QUEEN ALICE
in large letters, and on each side of the arch
there was a bell-handle ; one was marked
"Visitors Bell," and the other "Servants Bell."
" I '11 wait till the song 's over/' thought
Alice, "and then I'll ring the the which
bell must I ring ? " she went on, very much
puzzled by the names. " I 'm not a visitor,
and I 'm not a servant. There ought to be
one marked 'Queen/ you know -"
300 QUEEN ALICE.
Just then the door opened a little way, and
a creature with a long beak put its head out
for a moment and said " No admittance till the
week after next ! " and shut the door again
with a bang.
Alice knocked and rang in vain for a
long time, but at last a very old Frog, who
was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled
slowly towards her : he was dressed in bright
yellow, and had enormous boots on.
" What is it, now ? " the Frog said in a deep
hoarse whisper.
Alice turned round, ready to find fault with
anybody. " Where 's the servant whose business
it is to answer the door ? " she began angrily.
"Which door?" said the Frog.
Alice almost stamped with irritation at the
slow drawl in which he spoke. " This door,
of course ! "
The Frog looked at the door with his large
dull eyes for a minute : then he went nearer
and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were
QUEEN ALICE. 2CI
trying whether the paint would come off j
then he looked at Alice.
"To answer the door?" he said. "What's
it been asking of?" He was so hoarse tLat
Alice could scarcely hear him.
•' I don't know what you mean," she said.
D D
202 QUEEN ALICE.
"I speaks English, doesn't I?" the Frog
went on. "Or are you deaf? What did it
ask you ? "
"Nothing!" Alice said impatiently. "1 vo
been knocking at it ! "
" Shouldn't do that shouldn't do that—
the Frog muttered. " Wexes it, you know."
Then he went up and gave the door a kick
with one of his great feet. " You let it alone,"
he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree
" and it '11 let you alone, you know."
At this moment the door was flung open,
and a shrill voice was heard singing :
" To the Looking- Glass world it was Alice that said,
'I've a sceptre in hand, I've a crown on my head;
Let the Looking -Glass creatures, whatever they be,
Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen,
and me ! ' "
And hundreds of voices joined in the
chorus :
QUEEN ALICE. &»
*s Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,
And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran :
Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea —
And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three / "
Then followed a confused noise of cheering,
and Alice thought to herself, " Thirty times
three makes ninety. I wonder if any one 's
counting ? " In a minute there was silence again,
and the same shrill voice sang another verse :
"'0 Looking-Glass creatures' quoth Alice, 'draw near I
'Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear :
'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea
Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and met*"
Then came the chorus again : —
H Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink,
Or anything else that is pleasant to drink ;
Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine —
And welcome Queen Alice with ninety -times-nine I "
#tf QUEEN ALICE.
" Ninety times nine ! " Alice repeated in de
spair. " Oh, that 11 never be done ! I 'd better
go in at once— ' and in she went, and there
was a dead silence the moment she appeared.
Alice glanced nervously along the table, as
she walked up the large hall, and noticed that
there were about fifty guests, of all kinds : some
were animals, some birds, and there were even
a few flowers among them. " I 'm glad they Ve
come without waiting to be asked," she thought :
" I should never have known who were the
right people to invite ! "
There were three chairs at the head of the
table ; the Red and White Queens had already
taken two of them, but the middle one was
empty. Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable
at the silence, and longing for some one to speak.
At last the Red Queen began. " You Ve
missed the soup and fish," she said. " Put on
the joint ! " And the waiters set a leg of muttou
before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously,
as she had never had to carve a joint before
206
QUEEN ALICE.
" You look a little shy ; let me introduce
you to that leg of mutton," said the Red Queen
"Alice-
Mutton
-Mutton ;
-Alice."
The leg of mutton
got up in the dish
and made a little
bow to Alice; and
Alice returned the
bow, not knowing
whether to be fright
ened or amused.
"May I give
you a slice?" she
said, taking up the
knife and fork, and
looking from one Queen to the other.
"Certainly not," the Red Queen said, very
decidedly : " it isn't etiquette to cut any one
you 've been introduced to. Remove the joint ! "
And the waiters carried it off, and brought 8
large plum-pudding in its place.
206 QUEEN ALICE.
" I won't be introduced to the pudding,
please/1 Alice said rather hastily, "or we shall
get no dinner at all. May I give you some ? "
But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled
*' Pudding Alice; Alice Pudding. Remove
the pudding ! " and the waiters took it away
so quickly that Alice couldn't return its bow.
However, she didn't see why the Red Queen
should be the only one to give orders, so, as
an experiment, she called out " Waiter ! Bring
back the pudding ! " and there it was again in
a moment, like a conjuring- trick. It was so
large that she couldn't help feeling a little shy
with it, as she had been with the mutton ; how
ever, she conquered her shyness by a great effort,
and cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen.
" What impertinence ! " said the Pudding. " I
wonder how you 'd like it, if I were to cut a
slice out of you, you creature ! "
It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice,
and Alice hadn't a word to say in reply : she
could only sit and look at it and gasp.
QUEEN ALICE. 207
"Make a remark," said the Red Queen: "it's
ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the
pudding ! "
"Do you know, I 've had such a quantity
of poetry repeated to me to-day," Alice began,
a little frightened at finding that, the moment
she opened her lips, there was dead silence,
and all eyes were fixed upon her; "and it's a
very curious thing, I think every poem was
about fishes in some way. Do you know why
they 're so fond of fishes, all about here ? "
She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer
was a little wide of the mark. " As to fishes,"
she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting her
mouth close to Alice's ear, "her White Majesty
knows a lovely riddle all in poetry aD
about fishes. Shall she repeat it?"
" Her Red Majesty 's very kind to mention
it," the White Queen murmured into Alice's otb.ei
car, in a voice like the cooing of a pigeon. ''It
would be such a treat ! May I ? "
" Please do," Alice said very politely.
rt>0 QUEEN ALICE.
The White Queen laughed with delight, and
stroked Alice's cheek. Then she began :
" ' First, the fish must be caught.'
That is easy : a baby, I think, could have caught it.
1 Next, the, fish must be bought.'
That is easy: a penny, I think, would have bought it.
' Now cook me the fish ! '
That is easy, and will not take more than a minute.
' Let it lie in a dish I '
That is easy, because it already is in it.
* Bring it here! Let me sup!'
ft is easy to set such a dish on the table.
' Take the dish-cover up ! '
that is so hard that I fear I 'm unable !
For it holds it like glue -
Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the
Which is easiest to do,
Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle /
QUEEN ALICE. 209
" Take a minute to think about it, and then
guess," said the Eed Queen. " Meanwhile, we T!
drink your health Queen Alice's health ! " she
screamed at the top of her voice, and all the
guests began drinking it directly, and very
queerly they managed it : some of them put
their glasses upon their heads like extinguishers,
and drank all that trickled down their faces
others upset the decanters, and drank the wine
as it ran off the edges of the table and three
of them (who looked like kangaroos) scrambled
into the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly
lapping up the gravy, "just like pigs in a
trough ! " thought Alice.
" You ought to return thanks in a neat
speech," the Red Queen said, frowning at Alice
as she spoke.
"We must support you, you know," the
White Queen whispered, as Alice got up to do
it, very obediently, but a little frightened.
" Thank you very much," she whispered in
reply, "but I can do quite well without."
E E
210 QUEEN ALICE.
"That wouldn't be at all the thing/' the
Red Queen said very decidedly : so Alice tried
to submit to it with a good grace.
(" And they did push so ! " she said after
wards, when she was telling her sister the
history of the feast. " You would have thought
they wanted to squeeze me flat ! ")
In fact it was rather difficult tor her to
keep in her place while she made her speech :
the two Queens pushed her so, one on each side,
that they nearly lifted her up into the air :
" I rise to return thanks " Alice began :
and she really did rise as she spoke, several
inches; but she got hold of the edge of the
table, and managed to pull herself down again.
"Take care of yourself!" screamed the White
Queen, seizing Alice's hair with both her hands.
" Something 's going to happen ! "
And then (as Alice afterwards described it)
all sorts of things happened in a moment. The
candles all grew up to the ceiling, looking some
thing like a bed of rushes with fireworks at
QUEEN ALICE. 211
the top. As to the bottles, they each took a
pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on as
wings, and so, with forks for legs, went flutter
ing about in all directions : " and very like birds
they look," Alice thought to herself, as well as
she could in the dreadful confusion that was
beginning.
At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh
at her side, and turned to see what was the
matter with the White Queen ; but, instead of
the Queen, there was the leg of mutton sitting
in the chair. " Here I am ! " cried a voice
from the soup-tureen, and Alice turned again,
just in time to see the Queen's broad good-
natured face grinning at her for a moment over
the edge of the tureen, before she disappeared
into the soup.
There was not a moment to be lost. Already
several of the guests were lying down in the
dishes, and the soup-ladle was walking up the
table towards Alice's chair, and beckoning to her
impatiently to get out of its way.
212
QUEEN ALICE.
" I can't stand
this any longer ! "
she cried as she
jumped up and
seized the table
cloth with both
hands : one good
pull, and plates,
dishes, guests, and
^sf^'^^^^iif'jf ''/'£ •' it
S»«MK
QUEEN ALICE. 213
candles came crashing down together in a heap
on the floor.
" And as for you" she went on, turning
fiercely upon the Red Queen, whom she con
sidered as the cause of all the mischief but
the Queen was no longer at her side she had
suddenly dwindled down to the size of a little
doll, and was now on the table, merrily running
round and round after her own shawl, which
was trailing behind her.
At any other time, Alice would have felt
surprised at this, but she was far too much
excited to be surprised at anything now. " As
for you" she repeated, catching hold of the little
creature in the very act of jumping over a bottle
which had just lighted upon the table, " I '11
shake you into a kitten, that I will ! "
CHAPTER X.
SHAKING.
SHE took her off the table as she spoke, and
shook her backwards and forwards with all her
might.
The Red Queen made no resistance whatever;
only her face grew very small, and her eyes
got large and green : and still, as Alice went
on shaking her, she kept on growing shorter
and fatter and softer and rounder
and
CHAPTER XT,
WAKING.
and it really was a kitten, after all
CHAPTER XII.
WHICH DREAMED IT?
"YoUR Eed Majesty shouldn't purr so loud,t;
Alice said, rubbing her eyes, and addressing the
kitten, respectfully, yet with some severity.
" You woke me out of oh ! such a nice dream !
And you've been along with me, Kitty all
through the Looking-Glass world. Did you know
it, dear?"
It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens
(Alice had once made the remark) that, what
ever you say to them, they always purr. "If
they would only purr for 'yes/ and mew for
'no,' or any rule of that sort," she had said,
WHICH DREAMED IT t 219
" so that one could keep up a conversation ! But
how can you talk with a person if they always
say the same thing ? "
On this occasion the kitten only purred :
and it was impossible to guess whether it meant
'yes' or 'no/
So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the
table till she had found the Ked Queen : then
she went down on her knees on the hearth-rug,
and put the kitten and the Queen to look at
each other. " Now, Kitty ! " she cried, clapping
her hands triumphantly. " Confess that was
what you turned into ! "
(" But it wouldn 't look at it," she said,
when she was explaining the thing afterwards to
her sister : " it turned away its head, and pre
tended not to see it : but it looked a little
ashamed of itself, so I think it must have been
the Red Queen.")
" Sit up a little more stiffly, dear ! " Alice
cried with a merry laugh. " And curtsey while
you 're thinking what to what to purr. It
220
WHICH DREAMED IT?
saves time, remember ! " And she caught it up
and gave it one little kiss, "just in honour of its
having been a Red Queen/'
" Snowdrop, my pet ! " she went on, looking
over her shoulder at the White Kitten, which
was still patiently undergoing its toilet, " when
will Dinah have finished with your White Ma
jesty, I wonder? That must be the reason you
WHICH DREAMED IT? 221
were so untidy in my dream. Dinah 1 Do
you know that you 're scrubbing a White Queen 1
Really, it 's most disrespectful of you !
" And what did Dinah turn to, I wonder ? "
she prattled on, as she settled comfortably down,
with one elbow on the rug, and her chin in her
hand, to watch the kittens. "Tell me, Dinah,
did you turn to Humpty Dumpty ? I think
you did however, you'd better not mention
it to your friends just yet, for I'm not sure
" By the way, Kitty, if only you 'd been
really with me in my dream, there was one
thing you would have enjoyed 1 had such
a quantity of poetry said to me, all about
fishes ! To-morrow morning you shall have a
real treat. All the time you 're eating your
breakfast, I '11 repeat ' The Walrus and the Car
penter ' to you ; and then you can make believe
it 's oysters, dear !
" Now, Kitty, let 's consider who it was that
dreamed it all. This is a serious question, my
dear, and you should not go on licking your
222 WHICH DREAMED IT ?
paw like that as if Dinah hadn't washed
you this morning ! You see, Kitty, it must
have been either me or the Red King. He
was part of my dream, of course but then
I was part of his dream, too ! Was it the Eed
King, Kitty ? You were his wife, my dear,
so you ought to know Oh, Kitty, do help
to settle it ! I 'm sure your paw can wait ! ''
But the provoking kitten only began on the
other paw, and pretended it hadn't hearo. the
question.
Which do you think it was?
A. BOAT, beneath a sunny
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July
Children three that nestle
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to he
Long has paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die ;
Autumn frosts have slain July.
Still she haunts me, phantomwise
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.
224
Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nesilo near.
In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by.
Dreaming as the summers din •
Ever drifting down the stream-
Lingering in the golden gleam
Life, wnat is it but a dreamt
am>
•'3
I
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"E 13 73 -10 AM #3
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